j*******e
发帖数: 2168 | 1 读大学时一大爱好是和好友坐在肯徳鸡麦当劳天南海北地吹，然后翻几首流行歌曲玩。
有一首莫文蔚的“他不爱我”， 记得我翻了这么几句：
他不爱我
牵手的时候 太冷清
拥抱的时候 不够靠近
He loves me not
Hand in hand
no warmness felt
Arm in arm
no distance melt
当时小小的得意了一下：-）
最近思念好友，想起旧事，把整首歌翻了. 请指正。
Oh He loves me not
In a talk his mind absent
On silence he's so concentrate
I know he loves me not
His eyes betrayed his heart
I've seen through his heart
where someone else's shadows haunt
His mind still dwells on memories of past
I've seen through his heart
where he and his ex's stories are be |
h*****e
发帖数: 59 | 2 very nice. I like it :) especially some verbs you used.
only one tiny thing
"where he and his ex's stories are being cast"
there might be better substitutions for "his ex's"?
maybe words like "where he and that someone's" or "where his stories with
her"...?
【在 j*******e 的大作中提到】
: 读大学时一大爱好是和好友坐在肯徳鸡麦当劳天南海北地吹，然后翻几首流行歌曲玩。
: 有一首莫文蔚的“他不爱我”， 记得我翻了这么几句：
: 他不爱我
: 牵手的时候 太冷清
: 拥抱的时候 不够靠近
: He loves me not
: Hand in hand
: no warmness felt
: Arm in arm
: no distance melt
|
a********r
发帖数: 92 | 3 why just
where their story being cast
【在 h*****e 的大作中提到】
: very nice. I like it :) especially some verbs you used.
: only one tiny thing
: "where he and his ex's stories are being cast"
: there might be better substitutions for "his ex's"?
: maybe words like "where he and that someone's" or "where his stories with
: her"...?
|
j*******e
发帖数: 2168 | 4 en, you are right. This sentence is the one I am most unsatisfied with.
Thanks.
。
【在 h*****e 的大作中提到】
: very nice. I like it :) especially some verbs you used.
: only one tiny thing
: "where he and his ex's stories are being cast"
: there might be better substitutions for "his ex's"?
: maybe words like "where he and that someone's" or "where his stories with
: her"...?
|
