l*r
发帖数: 79569 | 1 5)
“Are you okay?” a little voice asked.
Ray didn’t move.
“Hello? Can you hear me, Mister?” tender and crisp with a bit raised concern. It was a little girl’s voice.
Ray hardly opened his eyes and instantly closed them again. A low, muttering sound emitted from back of his throat.
“I knew you can!” the girl acclaimed and didn’t bother. She had gotten the answer she needed from the ambiguous frog-like sound Ray managed to make. She giggled a little before resumed talking. “Can you open your eyes? |
S*******t
发帖数: 3956 | |
l*r
发帖数: 79569 | 3 哈哈，比我坐沙发还快！
【在 S*******t 的大作中提到】
: sofa~~
|
M*********m
发帖数: 2024 | 4 In tears... I don't think he will just move to the other end of the city. He
will move to another side of the country...
concern. It was a little girl’s voice.
muttering sound emitted from back of his throat.
the answer she needed from the ambiguous frog-like sound Ray managed to make
. She giggled a little before resumed talking. “Can you open your eyes? I
have something to show you. Oh, wait!” She shouted and hastened to add in a
whisper, “It’s a secret. You’ll know tomorrow.”
squinty eyes, R
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】
: 5)
: “Are you okay?” a little voice asked.
: Ray didn’t move.
: “Hello? Can you hear me, Mister?” tender and crisp with a bit raised concern. It was a little girl’s voice.
: Ray hardly opened his eyes and instantly closed them again. A low, muttering sound emitted from back of his throat.
: “I knew you can!” the girl acclaimed and didn’t bother. She had gotten the answer she needed from the ambiguous frog-like sound Ray managed to make. She giggled a little before resumed talking. “Can you open your eyes?
|
l*r
发帖数: 79569 | 5 good catch!
那是一个遗留下来的bug，本来有情节需要安排在同一城市的，后来又推翻了，但是忘
了改这一句
He
make
a
sunlight
freshly
【在 M*********m 的大作中提到】
: In tears... I don't think he will just move to the other end of the city. He
: will move to another side of the country...
:
: concern. It was a little girl’s voice.
: muttering sound emitted from back of his throat.
: the answer she needed from the ambiguous frog-like sound Ray managed to make
: . She giggled a little before resumed talking. “Can you open your eyes? I
: have something to show you. Oh, wait!” She shouted and hastened to add in a
: whisper, “It’s a secret. You’ll know tomorrow.”
: squinty eyes, R
|
M*********m
发帖数: 2024 | 6 Ox ligament is really good at making up stories...
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】
: good catch!
: 那是一个遗留下来的bug，本来有情节需要安排在同一城市的，后来又推翻了，但是忘
: 了改这一句
:
: He
: make
: a
: sunlight
: freshly
|
l*r
发帖数: 79569 | 7 我觉得好像有点跑偏了
后面比较关键，有点把握不住了，主要是一开始没有想好构思，搞得现在越写越困难，
写第5节花了前面4节加起来的时间：（
【在 M*********m 的大作中提到】
: Ox ligament is really good at making up stories...
|
i*********s
发帖数: 2451 | |
|
i*********s
发帖数: 2451 | 9 A little girl fell on the ground just in front of him, with a pink bike on
her legs, wheels still turning.
"bike on her legs" ? A odd image, sounds to me~ |
l*r
发帖数: 79569 | 10 好像是挺怪的哈，不知道英文怎么说，瞎编了，见狂笑；）
改了一下，是不是好一点？
【在 i*********s 的大作中提到】
: A little girl fell on the ground just in front of him, with a pink bike on
: her legs, wheels still turning.
: "bike on her legs" ? A odd image, sounds to me~
|
|
|
a******e
发帖数: 6689 | 11 结尾很棒，不过中间急躁了，跟前四篇比较这一篇陈述性过渡过多，不够视觉化。如果
分成两篇再补充点细节会不会更好？ |
l*r
发帖数: 79569 | 12 多谢！
你说的真是切中要害，本来是想写两节的，后来发现自己英文不太够用，另外也想提速
，就合成一节了
另外还有就是一直没想好Maggie这个角色，到底只是一个过渡触发，还是一个重要人物
，所以写的时候摇摇摆摆。一直到现在也没决定好，感觉写不动了
【在 a******e 的大作中提到】
: 结尾很棒，不过中间急躁了，跟前四篇比较这一篇陈述性过渡过多，不够视觉化。如果
: 分成两篇再补充点细节会不会更好？
|
a******e
发帖数: 6689 | 13 后面还有么？还是这就是最后结尾？
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】
: 多谢！
: 你说的真是切中要害，本来是想写两节的，后来发现自己英文不太够用，另外也想提速
: ，就合成一节了
: 另外还有就是一直没想好Maggie这个角色，到底只是一个过渡触发，还是一个重要人物
: ，所以写的时候摇摇摆摆。一直到现在也没决定好，感觉写不动了
|
l*r
发帖数: 79569 | 14 这样结尾也行吗？那就太好了，可以交差了；）
按俺的粗略估计，大概有三分之一吧，不过后面情节编不出来了，要再慢慢捂一下，呵呵
【在 a******e 的大作中提到】
: 后面还有么？还是这就是最后结尾？
|
a******e
发帖数: 6689 | 15 作为短篇的话，这个结尾很棒啊。不过这样结尾的话，这一节中间肯定要好好修改一下
，太仓促了；不过要是后面还有两倍的信息，那就无所谓了。
btw，我觉得这个6000 words哪里是短篇小说的量啊，怎么也是中篇了，6000
characters还差不多。我朋友写的小说，快300页，算是挺厚的一本了，也不到五万
words而已。
呵呵
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】
: 这样结尾也行吗？那就太好了，可以交差了；）
: 按俺的粗略估计，大概有三分之一吧，不过后面情节编不出来了，要再慢慢捂一下，呵呵
|
l*r
发帖数: 79569 | 16 好主意！待俺好好想想
6000 words 基本是最大上限了吧，不必非得寫那么多啊，一般兩三千字可能比較合適，
6000 char 稍微少了一點點，我這個5節都有8000多了
【在 a******e 的大作中提到】
: 作为短篇的话，这个结尾很棒啊。不过这样结尾的话，这一节中间肯定要好好修改一下
: ，太仓促了；不过要是后面还有两倍的信息，那就无所谓了。
: btw，我觉得这个6000 words哪里是短篇小说的量啊，怎么也是中篇了，6000
: characters还差不多。我朋友写的小说，快300页，算是挺厚的一本了，也不到五万
: words而已。
:
: 呵呵
|
a******e
发帖数: 6689 | 17 6000 words排版出来，普通的32开大概能有35页。短篇小说讲究的是短平快，搞出30多
页不就没意思了。
適，
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】
: 好主意！待俺好好想想
: 6000 words 基本是最大上限了吧，不必非得寫那么多啊，一般兩三千字可能比較合適，
: 6000 char 稍微少了一點點，我這個5節都有8000多了
|
l*r
发帖数: 79569 | 18 我覺得還行吧
要不就改叫小小說short-short story，一兩千字解決問題，這個比較痛快哈，就是更
難寫了。照俺英文的羅嗦程度，還沒說清楚呢，就要結束了
【在 a******e 的大作中提到】
: 6000 words排版出来，普通的32开大概能有35页。短篇小说讲究的是短平快，搞出30多
: 页不就没意思了。
:
: 適，
|
a******e
发帖数: 6689 | 19 这样啊。短篇跟中篇怎么分的，难道真是6000词限？
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】
: 我覺得還行吧
: 要不就改叫小小說short-short story，一兩千字解決問題，這個比較痛快哈，就是更
: 難寫了。照俺英文的羅嗦程度，還沒說清楚呢，就要結束了
|
D******6
发帖数: 6211 | 20 完了么？
concern. It was a little girl’s voice.
muttering sound emitted from back of his throat.
the answer she needed from the ambiguous frog-like sound Ray managed to make
. She giggled a little before resumed talking. “Can you open your eyes? I
have something to show you. Oh, wait!” She shouted and hastened to add in a
whisper, “It’s a secret. You’ll know tomorrow.”
squinty eyes, Ray sensed a blurred shadow dissolved into the bright sunlight
of June afternoon. An early summer breeze brought a cl
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】
: 5)
: “Are you okay?” a little voice asked.
: Ray didn’t move.
: “Hello? Can you hear me, Mister?” tender and crisp with a bit raised concern. It was a little girl’s voice.
: Ray hardly opened his eyes and instantly closed them again. A low, muttering sound emitted from back of his throat.
: “I knew you can!” the girl acclaimed and didn’t bother. She had gotten the answer she needed from the ambiguous frog-like sound Ray managed to make. She giggled a little before resumed talking. “Can you open your eyes?
|
|
|
l*r
发帖数: 79569 | 21 恩，可以認為完了，像小柯說的，前面應該在充實一下，不過沒興趣改了：）
make
a
sunlight
freshly
【在 D******6 的大作中提到】
: 完了么？
:
: concern. It was a little girl’s voice.
: muttering sound emitted from back of his throat.
: the answer she needed from the ambiguous frog-like sound Ray managed to make
: . She giggled a little before resumed talking. “Can you open your eyes? I
: have something to show you. Oh, wait!” She shouted and hastened to add in a
: whisper, “It’s a secret. You’ll know tomorrow.”
: squinty eyes, Ray sensed a blurred shadow dissolved into the bright sunlight
: of June afternoon. An early summer breeze brought a cl
|
D******6
发帖数: 6211 | 22 其实我不喜欢这个故事，你太坏了，把人给写死了。：（
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】
: 恩，可以認為完了，像小柯說的，前面應該在充實一下，不過沒興趣改了：）
:
: make
: a
: sunlight
: freshly
|
l*r
发帖数: 79569 | 23 我也不喜歡，從小就不喜歡看悲劇
原來的構思是這樣的，俗了點，但是皆大歡喜：）
http://www.mitbbs.com/article/Literature/31157821_0.html
【在 D******6 的大作中提到】
: 其实我不喜欢这个故事，你太坏了，把人给写死了。：（
|
