L****e
发帖数: 499 | 1 大家好，多谢各位笑友的分享让我每天的生活充满了乐趣， 后天要在我们的
toastmaster meeting 上做joke master，要讲一个笑话，找了半天找不到合适的，能
否请大家分享一个长度大概在几分钟不涉及种族 歧视和性等方面的，适合在公众场合
讲的笑话。多谢了 | d*******e
发帖数: 21 | | x****o
发帖数: 21566 | | L****e
发帖数: 499 | 4 sounds too old , hiahhia
【在 d*******e 的大作中提到】
: So I am Irish
| L****e
发帖数: 499 | 5 多谢，非常好，可惜不能用PPT，而且那些 dumbhead 可能不太容易理解这么复杂的数
字曲线
【在 x****o 的大作中提到】
: http://www.tylervigen.com
: 如果你可以用slides
| x****o
发帖数: 21566 | 6 观众要是外国人，你在这儿不一定能找到很对胃口的笑话。幽默的方式中西方还是有区
别的
【在 L****e 的大作中提到】
: 多谢，非常好，可惜不能用PPT，而且那些 dumbhead 可能不太容易理解这么复杂的数
: 字曲线
| H********g
发帖数: 43926 | 7 这个不错
【在 x****o 的大作中提到】
: http://www.tylervigen.com
: 如果你可以用slides
| x****o
发帖数: 21566 | 8 可以把老三的猜想也加进去
【在 H********g 的大作中提到】
: 这个不错
| L****e
发帖数: 499 | 9 刚编了一个请大家看看好不好笑
One of my friends is a hiring manager. He receive resumes every day, so that
his main job is to read resumes. One day he received 500 resumes to apply a
position in his company and he could not finish reading it, so that he
posted an ad on indeed to recruit someone to read these resume for him and
you know what? He got 500 resumes to apply this job as resume reader. So
now he is so busy reading 1000 resumes that he even could not find time to
data his girlfriend . | c*********e
发帖数: 13906 | | | | h**v
发帖数: 2010 | 11 这个太赞了。再来几个？
最后date那个typo改正一下吧。
that
a
So
【在 L****e 的大作中提到】
: 刚编了一个请大家看看好不好笑
: One of my friends is a hiring manager. He receive resumes every day, so that
: his main job is to read resumes. One day he received 500 resumes to apply a
: position in his company and he could not finish reading it, so that he
: posted an ad on indeed to recruit someone to read these resume for him and
: you know what? He got 500 resumes to apply this job as resume reader. So
: now he is so busy reading 1000 resumes that he even could not find time to
: data his girlfriend .
| d*****4
发帖数: 6237 | 12 感觉对象是义务教育水平人群
that
a
So
【在 L****e 的大作中提到】
: 刚编了一个请大家看看好不好笑
: One of my friends is a hiring manager. He receive resumes every day, so that
: his main job is to read resumes. One day he received 500 resumes to apply a
: position in his company and he could not finish reading it, so that he
: posted an ad on indeed to recruit someone to read these resume for him and
: you know what? He got 500 resumes to apply this job as resume reader. So
: now he is so busy reading 1000 resumes that he even could not find time to
: data his girlfriend .
| H********g
发帖数: 43926 | 13 还可以讲那个教授当水管工上夜校的笑话。
that
a
So
【在 L****e 的大作中提到】
: 刚编了一个请大家看看好不好笑
: One of my friends is a hiring manager. He receive resumes every day, so that
: his main job is to read resumes. One day he received 500 resumes to apply a
: position in his company and he could not finish reading it, so that he
: posted an ad on indeed to recruit someone to read these resume for him and
: you know what? He got 500 resumes to apply this job as resume reader. So
: now he is so busy reading 1000 resumes that he even could not find time to
: data his girlfriend .
| H********g
发帖数: 43926 | 14 A professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home leaked.
He called a plumber. The plumber came the next day and sealed a few screws,
and everything was working as before.
The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a
minute later, he was shocked.
"This is one-third of my monthly salary!" he yelled.
Well, all the same he paid it and then the plumber said to him, "I
understand your position as a professor. Why don't you come to our company
and apply for a plumber position? You will earn three times as much as a
professor. But remember, when you apply, tell them that you completed only
seven elementary classes. They don't like educated people."
So it happened. The professor got a job as a plumber and his life
significantly improved. He just had to seal a screw or two occasionally, and
his salary went up significantly.
One day, the board of the plumbing company decided that every plumber had to
go to evening classes to complete the eighth grade. So, our professor had
to go there too. It just happened that the first class was math. The evening
teacher, to check students' knowledge, asked for a formula for the area of
a circle. The person asked was the professor. He jumped to the board, and
then he realized that he had forgotten the formula. He started to reason it,
and he filled the white board with integrals, differentials, and other
advanced formulas to conclude the result he forgot. As a result, he got "
minus pi times r square."
He didn't like the minus, so he started all over again. He got the minus
again. No matter how many times he tried, he always got a minus. He was
frustrated. He gave the class a frightened look and saw all the plumbers
whisper: "Switch the limits of the integral!!" | H********g
发帖数: 43926 | 15 So the genius math professor is being driven in his limo by a chauffeur to
yet another conference, and decides he is sick of giving the same speech. To
switch things up, he asks his chauffeur to switch places with him. He dons
the cap, gets in the drivers seat, and drives the chauffeur to the
convention. He writes down his speech for the chauffeur to recite. They park
, he settles in to watch the lecture, and the chauffeur strides confidently
to the podium. The chauffeur does a great job of giving the lecture, but
then comes QnA session. Another celebrated professor asks a difficult
question that the chauffeur, posing as the professor, obviously doesn't know
the answer to. However, he says "The answer is so simple, I'm going to have
my driver come up and explain for you." | H********g
发帖数: 43926 | 16 我最近在netflix上the third rock from the sun，这个剧里的笑话比较干净，不过要
自己重新组织一下。 | x****o
发帖数: 21566 | 17 可能对三哥有点儿offensive :)
One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the
class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give £20 to the child who can tell me who
was the most respected man,whom people consider God, who ever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.
Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll
give you the £20."
As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant,
since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."
Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business
is business" | L****e
发帖数: 499 | 18 多谢多谢，太感谢您了Huangchong，谢谢您还帮我改了语法错误，教授当水管工的笑话
虽然有点长，不过我觉得还是很适合那个场合的。
感谢小坡兄，您这个笑话是很不错，不过要是将印度人改成中国人，应该就没问题了吧
，既然我自己是中国人，在这种场合可能还是自嘲比嘲人要好吧。
Huangchong和小破兄有没有打算在entertainment business 发展发展啊，说不定也能
向黄西一样打出一片天地呢 | x****o
发帖数: 21566 | 19 我转的那个其实算宗教类的笑话，所以你要看你的观众了；要是怕有人不舒服，还是讲
别的吧，安全一点
【在 L****e 的大作中提到】
: 多谢多谢，太感谢您了Huangchong，谢谢您还帮我改了语法错误，教授当水管工的笑话
: 虽然有点长，不过我觉得还是很适合那个场合的。
: 感谢小坡兄，您这个笑话是很不错，不过要是将印度人改成中国人，应该就没问题了吧
: ，既然我自己是中国人，在这种场合可能还是自嘲比嘲人要好吧。
: Huangchong和小破兄有没有打算在entertainment business 发展发展啊，说不定也能
: 向黄西一样打出一片天地呢
| r*s
发帖数: 2555 | 20 From movie Pulp Fiction:
" One day there were three tomatoes walking down the street, a mama tomato,
a daddy tomato and a baby tomato. Baby tomato is walking too slowly, so the
daddy tomato goes back, steps on him and says 'ketchup!' " | | | d***o
发帖数: 6117 | 21 讲笑话不是写笑话，效果怎么样内容和表达各占一半。写笑话读者会有想象，讲笑话全
靠你演绎和引导，不需要有清晰的逻辑，但一定要有感染力。
如果你一字一句的按此内容讲这个笑话效果肯定不好。
因为太连贯，且笑点少。前面都是为了出最后两句而准备的，太平铺直叙。有些铺垫用
不着
，或者不需要用语言来说，用表情和眼神就可以完成，甚至能直接出个新笑点。
比如说开头，就可以不用从四大牛人之一引出。而是说I used to think hiring
manager is the coolest job in the world- like the king in the castle, 此处可
以有表情。然后可以用第一人称说后面的内
容。until I became the hiring manager, and realized how hard it was. For
hiring one position, guess how many resumes I have to review? 500. I
basically read a whole harry Potter book with no fun. 等等。 多看看脱口秀
和standup comedy会在设计和deliver 哏上有帮助。
that
a
So
【在 L****e 的大作中提到】
: 刚编了一个请大家看看好不好笑
: One of my friends is a hiring manager. He receive resumes every day, so that
: his main job is to read resumes. One day he received 500 resumes to apply a
: position in his company and he could not finish reading it, so that he
: posted an ad on indeed to recruit someone to read these resume for him and
: you know what? He got 500 resumes to apply this job as resume reader. So
: now he is so busy reading 1000 resumes that he even could not find time to
: data his girlfriend .
| z****3
发帖数: 782 | 22 I once heard a story (originally told by Kevin Young) about Gerson Goldhaber
, who was a physicist at Lawrence Berkeley National Lab. He was talking on
the phone with another physicist at SLAC near Stanford University near the
end of the day on Tuesday, October 17, 1989. The SLAC physicist suddenly
interrupted with, “Gerson, I have to go! There’s a very big earthquake
happening!” and then hung up. So Gerson stepped out into a group of people
in the hall, made a big show of yawning and checking his watch, then said,
“Aren’t we about due for an earthquake?” Before anyone could respond, the
Loma Prieta earthquake reached Berkeley, and he became a legend.
From XKCD http://blog.xkcd.com/2011/08/24/earthquakes/ | L****e
发帖数: 499 | 23
,
the
多谢 jay, 这个笑话我估计老外都听过了
【在 r*s 的大作中提到】
: From movie Pulp Fiction:
: " One day there were three tomatoes walking down the street, a mama tomato,
: a daddy tomato and a baby tomato. Baby tomato is walking too slowly, so the
: daddy tomato goes back, steps on him and says 'ketchup!' "
| L****e
发帖数: 499 | 24
多谢您的建议，我准备放弃这个了，自己想想都不觉得好笑
【在 d***o 的大作中提到】
: 讲笑话不是写笑话，效果怎么样内容和表达各占一半。写笑话读者会有想象，讲笑话全
: 靠你演绎和引导，不需要有清晰的逻辑，但一定要有感染力。
: 如果你一字一句的按此内容讲这个笑话效果肯定不好。
: 因为太连贯，且笑点少。前面都是为了出最后两句而准备的，太平铺直叙。有些铺垫用
: 不着
: ，或者不需要用语言来说，用表情和眼神就可以完成，甚至能直接出个新笑点。
: 比如说开头，就可以不用从四大牛人之一引出。而是说I used to think hiring
: manager is the coolest job in the world- like the king in the castle, 此处可
: 以有表情。然后可以用第一人称说后面的内
: 容。until I became the hiring manager, and realized how hard it was. For
| L****e
发帖数: 499 | 25
Goldhaber
people
the
谢谢分享，这个好像有点太学术了，那些 redneck 可能听不懂的
【在 z****3 的大作中提到】
: I once heard a story (originally told by Kevin Young) about Gerson Goldhaber
: , who was a physicist at Lawrence Berkeley National Lab. He was talking on
: the phone with another physicist at SLAC near Stanford University near the
: end of the day on Tuesday, October 17, 1989. The SLAC physicist suddenly
: interrupted with, “Gerson, I have to go! There’s a very big earthquake
: happening!” and then hung up. So Gerson stepped out into a group of people
: in the hall, made a big show of yawning and checking his watch, then said,
: “Aren’t we about due for an earthquake?” Before anyone could respond, the
: Loma Prieta earthquake reached Berkeley, and he became a legend.
: From XKCD http://blog.xkcd.com/2011/08/24/earthquakes/
| L****e
发帖数: 499 | 26 准备改编一下那个关于 Mr Chu, Hu, Su , Fu 改名字的笑话，贴在下面，请各位老大
提提意见
One day some Chinese guys were waiting in an immigration office to apply
citizenship of the US. The first guy went to the window and the officer
asked him: what’s your name, sir? The guy answered: my name is Chu, C H U.
The officer said: since you want to be citizen of America, you would better
adapt your name to American style, would you like to change you name to
Chuck. Mr Chu used to raise chicken and duck back in china. So he thought:
Chuck, chicken’n duck, it is good name, I like it. So he was happy to have
a new name.
The second guy went to the window. The officer asked his name. He said his
name is Hu, H U, Chinese previous president’s name. The officer asked:
would you like to change to Huck? Mr Hu was happy to have the new name too.
The third guy named Su, went to the window. The officer said: I would like
to give you a better name, but I don’t have any choices. Would you like the
name Suck? Mr Su was not happy, but since he didn’t have any choices, he
accepted it. When the fourth heard this conversation, he stood up at once
and walked toward the entrance and said the officer: I would like to go back
to China, because his name is Fu. |
|
