r*********s
发帖数: 19 | 1 I post here because I think man knows man more.
I know a guy for four years. He knows I like him, but always keep some
distance from me. But if I decide to go away, he will approach me again,
but no clear sign. So we keep as "Good" friends for these years. Recently,
a girl 主动 chase him, then something happend. This time he 主动表白 to me
and made the clear promise.
I know he is not so into me. But these years, I dated some guys also,
always feel something not right. Maybe I still love him deeply in my
heart, but I know it is not worth it.
I am not young anymore, maybe this time it is a good chance for me. But I
don't have any confidence to this relationship.
What should I do? |
l********r
发帖数: 615 | 2 Let your heart lead you the walk, it never lies.
【在 r*********s 的大作中提到】
: I post here because I think man knows man more.
: I know a guy for four years. He knows I like him, but always keep some
: distance from me. But if I decide to go away, he will approach me again,
: but no clear sign. So we keep as "Good" friends for these years. Recently,
: a girl 主动 chase him, then something happend. This time he 主动表白 to me
: and made the clear promise.
: I know he is not so into me. But these years, I dated some guys also,
: always feel something not right. Maybe I still love him deeply in my
: heart, but I know it is not worth it.
: I am not young anymore, maybe this time it is a good chance for me. But I
|
r*********s
发帖数: 19 | 3 What if my heart may lead me to the wrong way? The current situation is my
heart and my mind lead me to the opposite direction |
l********r
发帖数: 615 | 4 Don't worry
There is no right or wrong way in this kind of situation.
Do whatever makes you happy now, you can not predict future.
【在 r*********s 的大作中提到】
: What if my heart may lead me to the wrong way? The current situation is my
: heart and my mind lead me to the opposite direction
|
r*********s
发帖数: 19 | 5 I can have more stable life if I step away this time. I am not that so
bad, just I may not be so good to him. I know it takes time
to find next one. But I think if my requirement is reasonable, finaly I
can find one. I just need to be patient.
But if I made mistake this time, I have to pay a lot in the following
years. |
l********r
发帖数: 615 | 6 It sounds like you already know the answer and just come here to look for
some support, act on it.
When you step into the marriage, you should feel happy.
If you pause, that means something is not right and it usually gets worse.
【在 r*********s 的大作中提到】
: I can have more stable life if I step away this time. I am not that so
: bad, just I may not be so good to him. I know it takes time
: to find next one. But I think if my requirement is reasonable, finaly I
: can find one. I just need to be patient.
: But if I made mistake this time, I have to pay a lot in the following
: years.
|
G******U
发帖数: 4211 | 7 This time he 主动表白 to me and made the clear promise.
Since you have known him for long, you should know if he is that kind of man
who can keep his promise no matter what. Don't fall for him if he is not.
If everything goes well and everything is always rosy, any man and woman can
be a perfect couple. The problem is that real life after marriage never
goes like that. Ups and downs are so often. Love gradually fades to
responsibility, persistency and affection. What you think he is attractive
now will be not important at all in the future. Marriage is risky. His and
your personality will be the deciding factor to answer if your marriage can
last long or not.
There is no fairness in marriage at all. You need to know "for better, for
worse, for richer for poorer" is no kidding. He will have his ups and downs
and you are obliged to follow him, in the name of marriage and love. If you
nag and be mad, it will just make everything worse. So try to visualize his
worst moments and see if you still can handle such situation with calm while
at least showing love and support to him. If you can’t, then he is not
good enough for you.
【在 r*********s 的大作中提到】
: I post here because I think man knows man more.
: I know a guy for four years. He knows I like him, but always keep some
: distance from me. But if I decide to go away, he will approach me again,
: but no clear sign. So we keep as "Good" friends for these years. Recently,
: a girl 主动 chase him, then something happend. This time he 主动表白 to me
: and made the clear promise.
: I know he is not so into me. But these years, I dated some guys also,
: always feel something not right. Maybe I still love him deeply in my
: heart, but I know it is not worth it.
: I am not young anymore, maybe this time it is a good chance for me. But I
|
r*********s
发帖数: 19 | 8 I can support him at any moment. I am not that fragile, I've go through
hard time by my own.
But I really doubt if he can. I still cannot see clearly although we've
been friends for 4 years. Actually, I feel he suddenly changed his
attitude to me after bumping into this girl.
BTW, really like what you said. |
G******U
发帖数: 4211 | 9 You can ask him some questions such as some "what if"s,
but
I think a more trustworthy way is to check his opinion to his family and
friends, Classmates, teachers, etc.
See if his point of view is in line with yours.
【在 r*********s 的大作中提到】
: I can support him at any moment. I am not that fragile, I've go through
: hard time by my own.
: But I really doubt if he can. I still cannot see clearly although we've
: been friends for 4 years. Actually, I feel he suddenly changed his
: attitude to me after bumping into this girl.
: BTW, really like what you said.
|
r*********s
发帖数: 19 | 10 He is not mature even already over 30. Can be anything depend on what kind
of woman he will stay with. But it's really big work, I can image it will
takes lots effort and tears. I feel really scared. |
|
|
l********r
发帖数: 615 | 11 赫赫，谁告诉你30几岁的男人会变成熟的？
如果不是在婚姻里，好多人到了40岁， 50岁也不会变成熟的。
是不是走进一个婚姻最重要的是你们之间的感情，性格的匹配和他的人品。
【在 r*********s 的大作中提到】
: He is not mature even already over 30. Can be anything depend on what kind
: of woman he will stay with. But it's really big work, I can image it will
: takes lots effort and tears. I feel really scared.
|
r*********s
发帖数: 19 | 12 至少我已经没有那么喜欢他了，太久了，倦了，觉得不值了。现在有点理解白瑞德最后
为什么要离开郝思嘉了。
只是不知下一个又要等多久，又会是怎样一个故事 |
v***s
发帖数: 4031 | 13 天下没有十全十美的男人让一个女人去等，要等的话，耗掉的时光不说，这十全十美的
男人未必最终会看得上这女人。要先找个男人喜欢你的，然后看看你能够不能够喜欢上
他，有缺点是正常的，这些缺点，你能不能忍受，你能不能，在今后的生活中，将就这
些缺点。将就就是改变自己。婚姻是什么，婚姻是一种幸福和磨难的生活。你可以几分
钟，几天，就爱上一个人，但是，
婚姻，就是快乐不是天天在；
婚姻，就是经得起长久的无奈；
婚姻，就是欺负自己所爱；
婚姻，就是学会享受迫害；
。。。。。。
【在 r*********s 的大作中提到】
: 至少我已经没有那么喜欢他了，太久了，倦了，觉得不值了。现在有点理解白瑞德最后
: 为什么要离开郝思嘉了。
: 只是不知下一个又要等多久，又会是怎样一个故事
|
r*********s
发帖数: 19 | 14 If I must choose a 婚姻, then I'd rather choose someone I can 欺负, not
someone may 欺负 me. Anyway, I won't 欺负 him, since I like to live in the
environment filled with happyness. I just don't want to be hurt.
There are some 喜欢我的, just I don't have the feeling. Maybe I should
choose one of them, and enjoy the life itself. |
G******U
发帖数: 4211 | 15 You will know it when you are in it.
There is no such thing as someone you can abuse one way;
It's always two way; That's the magic of marrige.
【在 r*********s 的大作中提到】
: If I must choose a 婚姻, then I'd rather choose someone I can 欺负, not
: someone may 欺负 me. Anyway, I won't 欺负 him, since I like to live in the
: environment filled with happyness. I just don't want to be hurt.
: There are some 喜欢我的, just I don't have the feeling. Maybe I should
: choose one of them, and enjoy the life itself.
|
r*********s
发帖数: 19 | 16 现在挺怕婚姻的，因为看了太多的不幸和婚姻中的痛苦，愤怒和无奈。我是那种不会去
伤害别人，但我也不想被伤害。遇到一些中年男人，孩子大了，经济也稳定了，没有以
前的种种压力了，就开始心猿意马了。有时觉得人生挺矛盾的。一个男人在他青春还在
，大好年华的时候，往往是一无所有的。这个时候很难分辨他的爱的真实性，因为他需
要你，抓住你就像抓住最后一根稻草。这时跟他的女人是要吃很多苦的。等这个女人耗
尽了她的青春，这个男人功成名就时，也就是他离开女人的时候。所以是不是作为女人
不要太奉献自己了，找个已经熬的差不多了的，坐享渔翁之利。要不就多生几个，两个
人的人生就都耗在抚养一群小孩上面。当男人也就支持个温饱，连个完整觉都难得有时
，也就不想别的了。不过这样两个人的人生也很无奈就是了。 |
G******U
发帖数: 4211 | 17 时间是最公平的。
不要孩子，甚至不结婚，你就能不老不无奈吗？你想的“别的”具体又是什么呢？大量
的奢侈活动，旅游，读书，享受？
到了一定的年纪，你会突然发现你现在在意的那些“别的”根本就不重要。你会羡慕
别人有的幸福的家庭和子女。可是别人的也不是像馅饼一样从天上掉下来的，也不是
大风刮来的。任何关系，包括婚姻都是要投入，有风险。
走进婚姻，可能幸福，也有可能不幸福。不走进婚姻，就肯定没有基于家庭和子女的幸
福。
当然可以有更多的“别的”，甚至包括更多的事业上的追求。
你因为遇到“一些中年男人，孩子大了，经济也稳定了，没有以前的种种压力了，
就开始心猿意马了”就把所有的男人都一棍子打死就过分了。
【在 r*********s 的大作中提到】
: 现在挺怕婚姻的，因为看了太多的不幸和婚姻中的痛苦，愤怒和无奈。我是那种不会去
: 伤害别人，但我也不想被伤害。遇到一些中年男人，孩子大了，经济也稳定了，没有以
: 前的种种压力了，就开始心猿意马了。有时觉得人生挺矛盾的。一个男人在他青春还在
: ，大好年华的时候，往往是一无所有的。这个时候很难分辨他的爱的真实性，因为他需
: 要你，抓住你就像抓住最后一根稻草。这时跟他的女人是要吃很多苦的。等这个女人耗
: 尽了她的青春，这个男人功成名就时，也就是他离开女人的时候。所以是不是作为女人
: 不要太奉献自己了，找个已经熬的差不多了的，坐享渔翁之利。要不就多生几个，两个
: 人的人生就都耗在抚养一群小孩上面。当男人也就支持个温饱，连个完整觉都难得有时
: ，也就不想别的了。不过这样两个人的人生也很无奈就是了。
|
r*********s
发帖数: 19 | 18 you misunderstand me.
我不是说不要孩子，而是说有些女人没办法，为了拴住男人的心，生一堆孩子，这样两
人精力时间金钱都花在这上面了。男人也就没钱没时间去chase别的女人了。但我并不
喜欢这种做法。我还是觉得事业家庭balance一些比较好。
一个人就这一生，有时选择错了，也许一辈子就打进去了。这种例子每天都在发生 |
l********r
发帖数: 615 | 19 Not everyone man likes to chase 女人.
Make a choice , give your best effort and make the best out of it.
【在 r*********s 的大作中提到】
: you misunderstand me.
: 我不是说不要孩子，而是说有些女人没办法，为了拴住男人的心，生一堆孩子，这样两
: 人精力时间金钱都花在这上面了。男人也就没钱没时间去chase别的女人了。但我并不
: 喜欢这种做法。我还是觉得事业家庭balance一些比较好。
: 一个人就这一生，有时选择错了，也许一辈子就打进去了。这种例子每天都在发生
|
A*****n
发帖数: 184 | 20 Stay away from him and just be his friend as you used to be, that's the best
option for both of you, at least from what I saw in your story.
Most of the time, a man could tell, in no longer than few days, whether a
woman fits in his passion, aka LOVE.
If you guys have been all around like that for so long time, I am pretty
sure he does NOT love you. And his man-made "LOVE" will easily deviate away
from you in the future to someone else whom he has been waiting for........ |
