n**d
发帖数: 164 | 1 Good read!
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142405274870343950457611608
By KEVIN HELLIKER
As the wife of an endurance athlete, Caren Waxman wakes up alone every
morning, including holidays.
"Mother's Day really upset me," says the Rockleigh, N.J., mother of three,
age 47, whose husband leaves before dawn each morning for hours of exercise.
In May, he will wish her a happy Mother's Day from Utah, where he will
compete in a triathlon.
More
"It's selfish," concedes her husband, Jordan Waxman, 46, a private-banking
executive at Merrill Lynch and an Ironman triathlete. He says he leaves
notes for his wife and children before leaving for morning workouts.
With exercise intruding ever-more frequently on intimacy, counselors are
proposing a new wedding vow: For fitter or for fatter. "Exercise is getting
more and more couples into my office," says Karen Gail Lewis, a Cincinnati
marriage and family therapist.
Newlyweds have long recognized the risks of potential sickness, infidelity
and ill fortune. But few foresee themselves becoming an exercise widow.
After all, the idea that one's beloved will take the occasional jog sounds
appealing—until two miles a day becomes 10 miles, not counting the 20-mile
runs on weekends. "His dream of doing marathons happened just when I got
pregnant with our third child," Stephanie Beagley of Colorado Springs says
of her husband, Michael, a purchaser for the U.S. Olympic Committee. "Now we
don't have tons of time with him."
The exercise widow often wakes to an empty bed—a sure sign of a morning
workout—and may find dinner plans spoiled by a sudden avoidance of anything
heavy before a night run. Hoping for an hour of television or catching-up
before bedtime? Forget it: All that early-morning exercise takes its toll.
Mr. Waxman arrives home from the office after his children, ages 11, 10 and
8, have eaten dinner, and he hits the sack before they do. "I'm out of gas
by nine o'clock," Mr. Waxman says.
"A lot of wives in my position would have left," Ms. Waxman says.
Commitment to a demanding training schedule cuts to the heart of the issues
couples often find themselves fighting about—who does chores, who gets time
for themselves and who decides where and how the family has fun.
The threat can go beyond time issues. If one partner gets a new, buff
appearance and a new circle of buff acquaintances, romantic possibilities
can open up—and give the other spouse good reason to feel insecure about
his or her own physique.
Couples therapists agree that commitment weakens as alternatives increase.
Dr. Lewis recalls a client who realized she was unhappy in her marriage
after she lost weight, became athletic and found she was attractive to men
other than her husband. "She said, 'I married him thinking I didn't have a
choice, because I was so heavy,' " Dr. Lewis recalls. Therapists say many
relationships are based on similar levels of attractiveness; a shift in the
equation can destabilize a marriage.
The effect of extreme exercise on divorce rates isn't clear. Even if
research showed a higher rate of discord in homes where just one spouse is
an endurance athlete, exercise could be a consequence, rather than a cause.
Among endurance athletes, though, resentment on the part of spouses is a
common topic. The phenomenon may develop into what Pete Simon, an Arizona
psychologist, triathlon coach and blogger, calls "Divorce by Triathlon." "I
often wonder how many lonely wives, husbands, children of triathletes are
out there wondering when the insanity is going to end," he wrote.
Of course, the surest way for a marriage to accommodate an intense exercise
regimen is for both spouses to engage in it. Married for five years now,
Walt and Kendel Prescott met in 2004 at the start line of a marathon. Mrs.
Prescott, now 50, has run 313 marathons; Mr. Prescott, 57, has run 287.
Their joke is that he keeps trying to catch up. "Running is a great excuse
for me to be with Kendel," says Mr. Prescott, an airline worker in Atlanta.
The explosive growth in marathons, triathlons and other endurance sports
comes largely from midlife converts such as Mr. Waxman, the Ironman
triathlete. He and his wife celebrated a half-dozen wedding anniversaries
and produced three children before exercise came between them.
His exercise regimen intensified about seven years ago, eventually hitting
two hours each weekday and up to five or six hours each Saturday and Sunday.
"It became a sore point," Mrs. Waxman recalls. "I had three young kids and
no family nearby. I heard myself badgering him: 'Family is really important.
You need to be a part of their lives today.' "
Last summer, Mrs. Waxman persuaded her parents and her husband's parents to
join her in what she calls "a family intervention"—a flurry of letters to
Mr. Waxman urging him to exercise less.
But Mr. Waxman stood his ground. In his view, his athletic ambition shouldn'
t have surprised his wife. It arose from the same qualities that drove him
to obtain two law degrees, an MBA and his position at Merrill Lynch.
His gargantuan training hours last summer were aimed at a particularly elite
goal—a swim across the English Channel, which he achieved in September. "
The English Channel thing, hopefully my wife and kids see it as a little bit
inspiring," he says.
Rather than avoid exercise herself—the tack of many spouses who can't keep
up with extremist partners—Mrs. Waxman hired a personal trainer with whom
she works out four times a week. "My husband and I are on the same page in
terms of being health-conscious," she says.
And all along she has mixed messages of support with pleas for more family
time. "I love my husband, and I'm happy he's passionate," she says. "A
husband wants to come home to a wife who says, 'I hope you had a good
workout.' "
As for Mr. Waxman, he honors certain rules: Dinner with his family every
Friday night. A date with his wife every Saturday night. And as often as
possible, he turns competitions into family trips. "I make sure there's
enough vacation time with the family," he says.
Some couples accept vast differences in exercise habits in each other. Lois
Berkowitz, a 20-marathon-a-year runner and vegetarian, is married to Gary, a
meat-and-potatoes eater who doesn't exercise at all. He doesn't like to
shovel snow, so she does it.
Until he recently got a diagnosis of cancer, which he is battling, Mr.
Berkowitz, 61, used to smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, including inside
their home near Detroit.
Mrs. Berkowitz, 62, treasures their decades-long marriage. "We like each
other," she says. "We're both introverts. We love our home."
"She's a very interesting person," Mr. Berkowitz says. "We have a very good
life. And I'm amazed at what she can do athletically."
Mr. Berkowitz often accompanies her to races to volunteer and cheer at the
finish line. He helps edit a running newsletter, and he developed software
that helps his wife track her running life. She gives him her marathon T-
shirts. "He gets credit for doing the run," Ms. Berkowitz laughs. | T****a
发帖数: 4651 | 2 we had a heated debate on similar subject last summer on this board that
almost drove me away, hoho...my take has always been: running for us who
have families is a privilege that we need to earn from our love ones. | w****1
发帖数: 4931 | 3 My wife knows that if I don't get to run I'll be really grumpy and act like
a jerk, so she prefers that I go out for
a run sometimes.:) Similarly, when I'm busy she would rather have me work in my
office than work at home, because
I cannot tolerate disturbance when I work at home and easily get irritated
over just about anything.
【在 T****a 的大作中提到】
: we had a heated debate on similar subject last summer on this board that
: almost drove me away, hoho...my take has always been: running for us who
: have families is a privilege that we need to earn from our love ones.
| T****a
发帖数: 4651 | 4 you and many others like Baiji are blessed with supportive spouses, so scenarios in that WSJ article really do not apply. still, we can't be certain all runners are as lucky, thus a word of caution is still appropriate, imho
...
like
in my
【在 w****1 的大作中提到】
: My wife knows that if I don't get to run I'll be really grumpy and act like
: a jerk, so she prefers that I go out for
: a run sometimes.:) Similarly, when I'm busy she would rather have me work in my
: office than work at home, because
: I cannot tolerate disturbance when I work at home and easily get irritated
: over just about anything.
| l*********n
发帖数: 831 | 5 非常有意思的文章。
对我来说，人到中年，没有什么比准备参加比赛更让人兴奋的了。我选择午饭时间进行
周一到周五的锻炼，周六早上很早出去，回家时候女儿和老公也才起床不久。尽量不耽
误家务，还要把家务，做饭，购物等都做得很好，这样老公才不会有怨言我因为锻炼而
耽误了家里的事情。 | R*****s
发帖数: 41236 | 6 俺就是被LD带上跑步贼船的， 现在快被俺反带上马拉松贼船了。。
不过LD的支持真没话说， 每次比赛都开车， 说要吃素就吃素。。 | d*****n
发帖数: 1875 | 7 非常好的文章。 我很有体会。
要 compete in triathlon, 如果有小孩， 要挣钱， 还是挺难的。
还是要在保住饭碗， 顾好家的前提下， 搞体育。
一周15小时的训练， 对35-45岁的家庭， 冲击力是很大的。
每天晚上10点之前睡觉， 早上 5点起来， 很容易忽视工作和家庭。
exercise.
【在 n**d 的大作中提到】
: Good read!
: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142405274870343950457611608
: By KEVIN HELLIKER
: As the wife of an endurance athlete, Caren Waxman wakes up alone every
: morning, including holidays.
: "Mother's Day really upset me," says the Rockleigh, N.J., mother of three,
: age 47, whose husband leaves before dawn each morning for hours of exercise.
: In May, he will wish her a happy Mother's Day from Utah, where he will
: compete in a triathlon.
: More
| i*********5
发帖数: 19210 | 8 Nice Read!
强哥说的很好，对我们这种有家庭有小孩的marathoners/triathletes来说，一定要把
轻重关系搞好了。
“还是要在保住饭碗， 顾好家的前提下， 搞体育。”
我正在读一本书叫“Be Iron Fit” by Don Fink
http://books.google.ca/books?id=aETtju6njJQC&printsec=frontcove
书里介绍了一些很好的时间管理方法，比如记训练时间，而不是里程。书里介绍的铁人
的训练和生活也对我有一定启发。
第二版：
http://www.amazon.com/Be-Iron-Fit-2nd-Time-Efficient/dp/1599218
【在 d*****n 的大作中提到】
: 非常好的文章。 我很有体会。
: 要 compete in triathlon, 如果有小孩， 要挣钱， 还是挺难的。
: 还是要在保住饭碗， 顾好家的前提下， 搞体育。
: 一周15小时的训练， 对35-45岁的家庭， 冲击力是很大的。
: 每天晚上10点之前睡觉， 早上 5点起来， 很容易忽视工作和家庭。
:
: exercise.
| T******y
发帖数: 798 | 9 It seems that the best solution is to get your other one to run as well,
although not always possible..
【在 T****a 的大作中提到】
: we had a heated debate on similar subject last summer on this board that
: almost drove me away, hoho...my take has always been: running for us who
: have families is a privilege that we need to earn from our love ones.
| R*****s
发帖数: 41236 | 10 好书， 俺周末去书店看看。。。
不过搞铁人比马拉松花的时间多多了， 马拉松基本一周10小时封顶，
铁人一周10小时起步。
对心肺的锻炼效果也是跑步〉骑车〉游泳。。
【在 i*********5 的大作中提到】
: Nice Read!
: 强哥说的很好，对我们这种有家庭有小孩的marathoners/triathletes来说，一定要把
: 轻重关系搞好了。
: “还是要在保住饭碗， 顾好家的前提下， 搞体育。”
: 我正在读一本书叫“Be Iron Fit” by Don Fink
: http://books.google.ca/books?id=aETtju6njJQC&printsec=frontcove
: 书里介绍了一些很好的时间管理方法，比如记训练时间，而不是里程。书里介绍的铁人
: 的训练和生活也对我有一定启发。
: 第二版：
: http://www.amazon.com/Be-Iron-Fit-2nd-Time-Efficient/dp/1599218
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