b***e
发帖数: 15201 | 1 【 以下文字转载自 Medicalpractice 讨论区 】
发信人: Viky (风吹小脸凉), 信区: Medicalpractice
标 题: 有些病历很雷人-你要是不笑偶请客
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Thu Jun 2 18:27:06 2011, 美东)
★ 有这样一份病历：今天天气暖洋洋，我随主任去查房，主任问病人怎么样，病
人说好，主任笑了，病人也笑了……
★ 一实习生在病历中描述：患者稍显苍老的头上缀着根根银丝……
★ 目前诊断明确，但是鉴于手术和后续治疗费用不菲，这对患者家庭的经济实力
是个严峻挑战。
★ 患者神志清，精神好，能吃能喝，切口长势喜人。
★ 一名实习生写的病历（适值夏天，患者告诉她，有一段时间不爱吃饭，只喝啤
酒）：患者一度以啤酒为生……
★ 主任查房，今天没有说什么……
★ 病人住院一个月，今日回家洗澡，故无法小结。
★ 病人今天想吃面条，吃了一碗又一碗。
★ 交班报告：今夜病房静悄悄。
★ 有一份病历写的是狗咬伤人：“人狗大战，狗胜……”
★ 今天我跟××主任查房。走进病房，主任站在病床左边，我站在右边。主任一
言不发，我也一言不发。
★ ××主任冒着漫天大雪，步入病房，紧紧握住病人的双手，问道：“老王，今
天好点儿了没有？”
★ 某实习医院进行教学查房，有一个学生在病历上写道：“××今天查房，什么
也没有说！”
★ 某实习生记录：“今日黄医生查房……指示……黄医生上述遗嘱已执行。”第
二天，该实习生被仍健在的黄医生狠狠地教训了一顿。
★ 术前小结：万事俱备，只欠手术。
★ 经典病历：今查房，症状同前，体查同前，治疗同前。
★ 抢救病人记录：×××主任三步并作两步冲到病人床前，当胸一拳…… （
驿路 荐）
|
s*******y
发帖数: 46535 | 2 笑翻了
【在 b***e 的大作中提到】
: 【 以下文字转载自 Medicalpractice 讨论区 】
: 发信人: Viky (风吹小脸凉), 信区: Medicalpractice
: 标 题: 有些病历很雷人-你要是不笑偶请客
: 发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Thu Jun 2 18:27:06 2011, 美东)
: ★ 有这样一份病历：今天天气暖洋洋，我随主任去查房，主任问病人怎么样，病
: 人说好，主任笑了，病人也笑了……
: ★ 一实习生在病历中描述：患者稍显苍老的头上缀着根根银丝……
: ★ 目前诊断明确，但是鉴于手术和后续治疗费用不菲，这对患者家庭的经济实力
: 是个严峻挑战。
: ★ 患者神志清，精神好，能吃能喝，切口长势喜人。
|
b***e
发帖数: 15201 | 3 ★ 病人今天想吃面条，吃了一碗又一碗。
我想吃面条!!
【在 s*******y 的大作中提到】
: 笑翻了
|
l*r
发帖数: 79569 | |
M****N
发帖数: 16093 | 5 请客！！
【在 b***e 的大作中提到】
: ★ 病人今天想吃面条，吃了一碗又一碗。
: 我想吃面条!!
|
r********r
发帖数: 11248 | 6 请客，不然当胸一拳
【在 b***e 的大作中提到】
: ★ 病人今天想吃面条，吃了一碗又一碗。
: 我想吃面条!!
|
s*******y
发帖数: 46535 | 7 我正在下方便面
【在 b***e 的大作中提到】
: ★ 病人今天想吃面条，吃了一碗又一碗。
: 我想吃面条!!
|
b***e
发帖数: 15201 | 8 kao 你们都是坏病人,去找
发信人: Viky (风吹小脸凉), 信区: Medicalpractice
哭诉请客吧 |
T******d
发帖数: 2139 | 9 最近发现朝鲜冷面真好吃。周末要犒牢自己一下。
【在 b***e 的大作中提到】
: ★ 病人今天想吃面条，吃了一碗又一碗。
: 我想吃面条!!
|
N****f
发帖数: 25759 | 10 Some equally precious gems from their American colleagues:
* By the time she was admitted to the hospital, her rapid heart had
stopped and she was feeling much better.
* On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it had
completely disappeared.
* The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
* She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until
1989, when she got a divorce.
* Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los
Angeles.
* The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as
a stockbroker instead.
* Patient complains of indigestion since last night when he ate a stake.
* Patient passed flatus... two short, one long.
* Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized.
* Examination of genitalia was completely negative except for the right
foot.
* Indwelling catheter draining large amount of urine the color of American
beer.
* MD at bedside attempting to urinate. Unsuccessful.
* The patient lives at home with his mother, father and pet turtle, who is
presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
* Patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out
of gas and crashed.
* The baby was delivered; the cord clamped and cut and handed to the
pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
* Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
* Patient is still under our car for physical therapy.
* Because she can't get pregnant with her husband. I thought you'd like
to work her up.
* Discharge status: alive, but without permission.
【在 b***e 的大作中提到】
: kao 你们都是坏病人,去找
: 发信人: Viky (风吹小脸凉), 信区: Medicalpractice
: 哭诉请客吧
|
j******n
发帖数: 21641 | 11 这个比中文的好笑
我发现老外医生真的经常不知道那些长的医学名词怎么拼写
所以给人错摘除点啥一点不奇怪
【在 N****f 的大作中提到】
: Some equally precious gems from their American colleagues:
: * By the time she was admitted to the hospital, her rapid heart had
: stopped and she was feeling much better.
: * On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it had
: completely disappeared.
: * The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
: * She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until
: 1989, when she got a divorce.
: * Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los
: Angeles.
|
w********i
发帖数: 460 | 12 看到这个，不幸在吃饭，笑得我喷饭！
【在 N****f 的大作中提到】
: Some equally precious gems from their American colleagues:
: * By the time she was admitted to the hospital, her rapid heart had
: stopped and she was feeling much better.
: * On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it had
: completely disappeared.
: * The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
: * She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until
: 1989, when she got a divorce.
: * Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los
: Angeles.
|
a****e
发帖数: 461 | 13 这太逗乐
【在 N****f 的大作中提到】
: Some equally precious gems from their American colleagues:
: * By the time she was admitted to the hospital, her rapid heart had
: stopped and she was feeling much better.
: * On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it had
: completely disappeared.
: * The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
: * She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until
: 1989, when she got a divorce.
: * Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los
: Angeles.
|
