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A*r
发帖数: 22 | 2 我一直以为 Perfectionism是个褒义词...
后面那个对比表格似乎曲解了这个词的原意
chore.
was
to
best- |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 3 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 9.
5. Lack of rewards.
The greatest motivating force in the world is a feeling of excitement and
satisfaction in what you do. If you feel rewarded for your efforts, it will
motivate you to work harder. But if nothing you do is ever good enough, life
will become an exhausting, joyless treadmill.
People who are highly successful and productive usually give themselves
credit for what they do.
Because they think about their work in a positive way |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 4 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 9.
6. "Should statements".
Procrastinators often tell themselves:"I really SHOULD write those letters.
I OUGHT TO get started." These "should statements" usually aren't very
effective, because they make you feel guilty and resentful, so you avoid the
task. The moment you tell yourself "I really SHOULD do it", you will
probably have the thought "...but I don't really have to right now. I'll
wait until later". Sometimes, the more you tell yours |
|
g****d
发帖数: 3461 | 5 哇，坚持不懈呀。
值得赞叹。
.
the
do
nothing |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 6 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 9.
7. Passive aggressiveness.
People who procrastinate are often afraid to express negative feelings
openly and directly. You may avoid conflicts and deny that you're upset
because you think it's not "nice" to be angry. Your true feelings may come
oozing out indirectly. You may fail to return an RSVP for a party you don't
really want to go to, or you may "forget" to repay a debt because you're
annoyed with the person who lent you the money. Y |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 7 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 9.
8. Unassertiveness
Many people procrastinate because they are unassertive and agree to do
things they don't really want to do. You may give in to unreasonable demands
from others because you think you should be nice. You may think you should
meet everybody else's expectations and base too much of your self-esteem on
what other people think of you. You may be terrified of disapproval or
criticism. You may be afraid to say no and run the ris |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 8 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 9.
9. Coercion sensitivity.
You may procrastinate because you feel that people are acting bossy and
making unreasonable demands on you. You may be stubborn and refuse to do
what they ask as a way of rebelling. Other people may find this behavior
annoying and act even pushier. This leads to a power struggle, because no
one wants to give in.
Your procrastination may be an indirect way of expressing your annoyance
with the person who's nagging y |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 9 这三节都很短,就一起敲上来了,而且觉得连内容也那么overlap,当一节看好像更合适
些. |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 10 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 9.
10. The lack of desire.
This last cause of procrastination may sound ridiculously obvious, but it's
the commonest cause of all. When you procrastinate, it's often because you
simply don't want to do whatever it is that you're putting off. Most
procrastinators aren't in touch with this. All you know is that there's some
task you vaguely feel you should do, but you get really uncomfortable when
it's time to do it, so you do something else. I |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 11 第九章Why people procrastinate共分11节, 已经全部贴在版上了.
第0节是通过十个问题来帮你分析你的procrastinate的可能原因, 后面的1-10节
分别对应了这十个问题.
有时候, 你可能一边觉得自己很应该很应该作某件事情, 一边却因为某种原因迟迟
无法让自己开始去作而觉得痛苦迷茫. 这个时候, 你可以看看第0节, 找找哪几个
原因是你当前procrastinate的因素, 然后根据对应章节看看, 也许能得到一些启发.
下面会陆续贴这本书的第十章A Prescription for Procrastinators, 也希望你在第
九章的帮助下找到自己procrastinate的原因后, 能运用第十章里的小练习来主动的
帮助自己走出当前的困境.
Good luck! |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 12 从David D. Burns的The Feeling Good Handbook一书中摘录的第九章是关于讲述十种
Procrastination的原因的，算是“诊断”这一步，诊断过了自然就要开始治疗，第十
章A Prescription for Procrastinators所讲述的，就是一个five-step program治疗
方法。
因为每一个step的说明比较长，我可能要用两节左右来包含。
为procrastination所苦的朋友，不妨依次读下来，并且在作者请你写下某些东西的时
候也去做一下，通过这些具体的练习，也许会发现原本拖延了好久让你很痛苦的
project忽然就变得不那么可怕了。以后每次为procrastination而烦躁时，都可以用这
些步骤来帮助自己。
那，就让我们开始吧，:) |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 13 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
The following five-step program can help you become more productive and
successful. What is one thing you've been putting off? It might be calling
the doctor or dentist for a checkup, paying your bills, writing an overdue
letter, calling on a customer, balancing your checkbook, organizing your
desk, outlining a proposal, asking someone for a date－it can be anything.
Choose one thing. Make sure it's specific and not vague. Think about this |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 14 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
Step 1: Cost-Benefit Analysis
First, ask yourself why you should stop procrastinating. Make a list of the
advantage of putting this task off:
1. _____________________________________________________________
2. _____________________________________________________________
3. _____________________________________________________________
4. _____________________________________________________________
5. _____________________________________ |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 15 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
Now weigh the advantage of procrastinating against the disadvantages. Ask
yourself whether the costs or the benefits of putting it off are greater.
The man whose Cost-Benefit Analysis is illustrated on the next page(me: on
the book the author used a nice combination of table and graph for the Cost-
Benefit Analysis, I will first flatten the illustration to simple words,
then repeat the same content by creating a similar graph and attach t |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 16 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
Now make a similar list of the advantages and disadvantages of getting
started on the task TODAY. Notice that I did not say "sometime". Also notice
that I've asked you to list the advantages of disadvantages of "getting
started", and not of completing the task. This is important, because the
task may seem overwhelming. While I've been writing this book, lots of
papers have piled up in my office. I haven't taken the time to keep up with
al |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 17 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
Think about the advantage of getting started today on the task you've been
putting off: you may feel greater self-esteem; other people may get off your
back and respect you more; you may experience a mood lift; you might feel
more motivated once you get started. List the advantages of getting started
today:
1. _____________________________________________________________
2. _____________________________________________________________
3. |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 18 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
Step 2: Make a Plan
Have you decided that the advantages of getting started today outweigh the
disadvantages? If so, I want to know exactly what time you will start. Write
the time down here:
______________________________________________________
Have you written the time down? If the answer is no, I'm puzzled. This
indicates that you do not plan to get started on the task today. Either you'
re reading this chapter out of curiosity, or el |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 19 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
Now make a list of any problems or obstacles that could prevent you from
following through. Fred, a perfectionistic professor, kept procrastinating
about writing the outline for his book because he was afraid that it wouldn'
t be good enough. After completing the Cost-Benefit Analysis in my office
one morning, he agreed to work on it from 3:00 to 4:00 that afternoon. I
asked him to list any problems that could conceivably prevent him from |
|
a*****y
发帖数: 24 | 20 very helpful..
her (曙光是你的双手) 的大作中提到: 】
wouldn' |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 21 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
Step 3: Make the Job Easy
You can make a difficult job easy if you have modest, realistic goals
instead of grandiose, perfectionistic ones. You might think that if the
first sentence of your report isn't a masterpiece of modern prose, it won't
be any good at all. This expectation will put enormous pressure on you and
you may end up doing nothing. Why not try to write an "adequate" first
sentence instead? That would be far easier, and at l |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 22 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
The second way to break a task down is to work in short spurts. Would you be
willing to work at a big job you've been putting off for only fifteen to
thirty minutes today? You may resist this suggestion. Nearly every
procrastinator tell me, "That would be useless. I'm not going to study {or
work at my taxes} for only fifteen to thirty minutes! That would be only a
drop in the bucket compared to all I have to do!"
Remember that no one coul |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 23 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
Step 4: Think Positively
When you think about a task you've been avoiding, you may feel upset and
want to do something else instead. This is because you give yourself
negative messages that make you feel guilty and overwhelmed. Suppose you're
procrastinating about writing thank-you letters. You may tell yourself:"Oh,
I have all those letters to write. I can put them off until later when I'm
more in the mood. I really should write them now |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 24 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
For example, the first negative thought, or TIC, illustrated on the next
page is "I have all those letters to write." The distortion in this thought,
which you would write down in the middle column, is "all-or-nothing
thinking". You're telling yourself you have to write all those letters today
. This will make you feel overwhelmed, and you'll give up before you even
begin. You could substitute this TOC in the right-hand column:"I don't ha |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 25 这章里附的这个distorted thinking checklist, 基本就是这本书的精髓部分了,
每一个distorted thinking都在第一章里有详细的讲解, 不过篇幅不小, 我这里
就不摘录了.
觉得这个还是挺有用的一个tool, 先不讨论他这些分类是否合理, 是否有太多重复
吧, 我觉得重要的是, 它提供了一个从另一角度看自己的方法, 即有些地方讲的第
三只眼. 在我们陷入负面情绪中的时候, 经常会有点头脑发热, 只能听到一个负面
的声音, 因为只有一个, 这声音重复多了就很容易让我们以为就是真理了, 这个
distorted thinking list这时就比较有用, 把想法写下来, 然后对照这个列表,
往往能够发现每句话都能对号入座, 当然不用迷信这个list, 不是非要觉得它多有
道理, 可是当开始用这个list的时候, 你就开始审视自己的想法, 而不只是盲目的
被想法牵着狂奔, 不知不觉的启动了第二个声音, 往往就能很快identify出第一个
声音里有些话其实不像你原来想的那么有道理,那么真理. 这个, 就成为你从负面
循环的圈子里挣脱出来的一个契机.
t |
|
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 27 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
The distortion is "emotional reasoning", because you're waiting until you
feel like writing the letters. This is putting the cart before the horse.
Usually action comes first and motivation comes second.
What could you tell yourself instead? Put you TOC here:
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________ |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 28 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
As an exercise, cover up the middle and right-hand columns in the following
examples(me: the image will be attached with this article). The TICs in the
left-hand column are upsetting thoughts that patients of mine have had about
tasks they were putting off. Try to identify the distortions in these TICs
and see if you can substitute TOCs. Then compare your answers to the ones I'
ve suggested. Don't be concerned if your responses are differ |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 29 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
Step 5: Give Yourself Credit
Once you've begun a job you've been avoiding. It's important to give
yourself credit instead of discounting your efforts. A mental reward will
boost your motivation. A housewife told me that she worked like a hornet all
day long. At the end of the day she'd obsess about all the things she hadn'
t had time to squeeze into her crowded schedule. This made her feel as if
she hadn't accomplished anything at all! Sh |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 30 本文摘自The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Chapter 10.
You may wonder how you can tell if your goals are appropriate for you. I
would say that if you feel a sense of commitment and excitement about what
you're doing, you're in good shape. This doesn't mean that you constantly
have to feel high and exhilarated. Pursuing any goal involves lots of hard
work and frustration along the way. But if you have a sense of meaning and
purpose, all the hard work falls into a different perspective. This is |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 31 一是需要hardwork和willness to suffer，二是慢慢学习一些fighting
procrastination
的技巧，这个版我前面post了一些书摘，从5180篇开始，你有兴趣可以看看，其中的
action before motivation和break down into small pieces也许对你最有帮助。三
是如果有轻度的anxiety症状，要注意坚持体育锻炼，作息规律，来减低anxiety，如果
程度比较重，可以考虑去学校的心理咨询跟therapist聊聊天作为辅助。当然，也欢迎
你加入procrastination互助组，和大家一起努力。不过有一点是肯定的，好的生活
doesn't come effortless，你需要付出努力，愿意承受痛苦，才能走出目前这种消极
痛苦的状态，这世上没有一个miracle，你直接得到了就可以不用努力就快乐起来的。 |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 32 www上发出来怎么格式是乱的啊，重修改一次还是乱的，好像一行的长度跟实际
长度不一样，气死了，只好到telnet里改。
by |
|
|
|
|
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 37 来自主题: PsychoAnalysis版 - 睡不着 失眠的部分可以看一下本版10491的书摘。晚上睡不着时不要在床上躺着，起来
做些不刺激的事情，早上一定要尽量准时起床。心理方面的困扰，可以尝试跟
朋友或者咨询师交流一下。 |
|
c**r
发帖数: 10001 | 38 呵呵，你可以看看本版前面的书摘why people procrastinate，以及本版置顶的
一周年记里写的一些可用的方法。 |
|
N****a
发帖数: 26 | 39 这里有和国内的“书摘”类似的杂志么？
或者其他的介绍新书的杂志，推荐一下好么？谢谢 |
|
|
b*******n
发帖数: 1267 | 41 埃里克霍弗的经历相当传奇，8岁失明，15岁复明。一直以为自己活不到40岁（根据家
族中其他人寿命推断），所以18岁父亲去世后，就搬到洛杉矶贫民窟居住，不找工作（
因为觉得没用，反正自己也活不了多少年），专门看书。父亲的遗产花完后，28岁以后
的整个十年，也就是美国的经济大萧条的三十年代，他在农场打零工、淘金、收容所这
些不同场地度过了十年。近四十岁时成为码头工人。这个工作让他“感觉自在”。
作为一个码头哲学家，霍弗完全是自我教育而成，所以他的书没有学术腔，也没有受
过理论系统训练的学者的艰涩。可以看得出来，书中的许多句子是他对现实、对身边工
友的观察，还有来自他自己的切身经历。假设一个农民拥有一手冷隽简洁的文笔，而写
下来他对农作物四季的观察报告，这样的报告必然令人感觉直观可信，霍弗的这本书也
是如此。虽然不成体系，但有直观的魅力。
作为一名中国人，看这本书是一个绝不冷场的会心过程，其论点论据，在我们曾经的
生活和现在的生活都存在过，存在着，随时以供印证。
以下是书摘。
一头栽进某种变革大业里的人，都必然怀有极度不满情绪而又不是一贫如洗，都必然相
信某种万能的教义、某个不会犯错 |
|
s*********a
发帖数: 801 | 42 http://blog.roodo.com/yml/archives/6123419.html
作者：小小羊弟兄
这篇文章会提出各种美国的研究数据报告，大家会很震惊发现：在离婚、外遇、婚前性
行为、家暴、、、、部分，基督徒竟然和不信者一样烂。
这些资料，是来自《丢人现眼的福音派》（天道出版社）一书，有兴趣的弟兄姊妹，可
以自行阅读。
没书的也没关系，我这些数据，就是该书部分的简单书摘与说明。
在此要特别提醒，这里所谓的福音派，是包括华人所说的福音派和灵恩派，都全算在一
起，这和我们习惯用法不同。
基本上，具有统计数据的研究，是我们探询真相很重要的研究方法。
在过去，大家面对对教会与基督徒状况，多数的情形，都只是没有数据的个人观察与描
述。
这样的话，很容易失之主观，而丧失客观性。
近年来，开始有越来越多针对教会与基督徒的研究数据出来。
基本上，这是可喜的现象，因为，我们开始比较有客观一点的数据数据可以来进行分析
探讨。
但是，我们也要很小心：
“数据数据”一回事，
“分析数据”又是另一回事，
“提供解决方法”又是更不同的事。
一样一份研究报告，不同的人可能有不同的分析与解读。
所以，我 |
|
G*******s
发帖数: 4956 | 43 书摘
我发现有许多人，在他们所想象的基督教信仰和他们所亲身经历的生活之间，存在一条
极深的鸿沟。许多人长期被各种强调辉煌成就的书籍、讲章和个人见证所影响，以为上
帝在人身上的工作都是十分精彩且戏剧化，以至于如果在生活中没有这些迹象，就会大
失所望，甚而有受骗或罪咎的感觉。……
失望的产生是由于所期待的和事实不相符合。所以，这本书的前半部在探讨圣经，好使
我们对上帝有正确的期待。我本来犹豫是否应该从这方面开始写，因为我知道许多人，
特别是那些失望的人，是不太愿意听圣经怎么说的。但除了上帝神自己为他本身作解说
之外，还有什么更好的起点呢？我先尝试去除个人的预设，把圣经当成一本情节精彩的
故事书来读，结果十分让我吃惊，可以说跟我过去大半生长久以来所听的故事很不一样
。
我也不尝试探讨神迹的问题。因为我以为神既有超自然的力量，当然可以行神迹。问题
是他为什么不多行些神迹？为什么不多显些兆头，让一些真诚的怀疑者可以相信他？为
什么他还容许罪恶和苦难在世上蔓衍？为什么神老是做事平平，而不是神气活现？
理查德离去后，我心中觉得好一阵悲哀。有人会说：他没有绝望的理由，但我从他的故
事，他紧扭的双手，脸... 阅读全帖 |
|
s*********a
发帖数: 801 | 44 http://www.guizheng.net/article.asp?id=1145
基督徒竟和不信者一样烂
来源：互联网 整理：归正主编
索引：现今教会该做的，不是继续淡化“罪”，不是继续将上帝真理相对化，不
是尽量不要讲教义与神学，相反的，反而是要更加努力从根做起，一步一步、扎扎实实
，将真理传讲出来，不讨人喜悦，而且抱持宁可信徒都弃我而去，我依然愿意传讲上帝
真理不打折扣。
这篇文章会提出各种美国的研究数据报告，大家会很震惊发现：在离婚、外遇、
婚前性行为、家暴……部分基督徒竟然和不信者一样烂。
这些资料，是来自《丢人现眼的福音派》（天道出版社）一书，有兴趣的弟兄姊
妹，可以自行阅读。没书的也没关系，我这些数据，就是该书部分的简单书摘与说明。
在此要特别提醒，这里所谓的福音派，是包括华人所说的福音派和灵恩派，都全算在一
起，这和我们习惯用法不同。
基本上，具有统计数据的研究，是我们探询真相很重要的研究方法。在过去，大
家面对对教会与基督徒状况，多数的情形，都只是没有数据的个人观察与描述。这样的
话，很... 阅读全帖 |
|
J*****3
发帖数: 4298 | 45 发信人: Eloihim (真神), 信区: Belief
标 题: Re: 基板名基名言恢复版
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Mon Apr 2 23:47:34 2012, 美东)
http://www.mitbbs.com/article_t1/TrustInJesus/756807_0_2.html
-----------
xwa继续装，苹果来删贴，警告我。
索引：现今教会该做的，不是继续淡化“罪”，不是继续将上帝真理相对化，不
是尽量不要讲教义与神学，相反的，反而是要更加努力从根做起，一步一步、扎扎实实
，将真理传讲出来，不讨人喜悦，而且抱持宁可信徒都弃我而去，我依然愿意传讲上帝
真理不打折扣。
这篇文章会提出各种美国的研究数据报告，大家会很震惊发现：在离婚、外遇、
婚前性行为、家暴……部分基督徒竟然和不信者一样烂。
这些资料，是来自《丢人现眼的福音派》（天道出版社）一书，有兴趣的弟兄姊
妹，可以自行阅读。没书的也没关系，我这些数据，就是该书部分的简单书摘与说明。
在此要特别提醒，这里所谓的福音派，是包括华人所说的福音派和灵恩... 阅读全帖 |
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J*****3
发帖数: 4298 | 46 额是吗？看看这个吧，来自你们的归正福音网
http://www.mitbbs.com/article_t1/TrustInJesus/756807_0_2.html
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索引：现今教会该做的，不是继续淡化“罪”，不是继续将上帝真理相对化，不
是尽量不要讲教义与神学，相反的，反而是要更加努力从根做起，一步一步、扎扎实实
，将真理传讲出来，不讨人喜悦，而且抱持宁可信徒都弃我而去，我依然愿意传讲上帝
真理不打折扣。
这篇文章会提出各种美国的研究数据报告，大家会很震惊发现：在离婚、外遇、
婚前性行为、家暴……部分基督徒竟然和不信者一样烂。
这些资料，是来自《丢人现眼的福音派》（天道出版社）一书，有兴趣的弟兄姊
妹，可以自行阅读。没书的也没关系，我这些数据，就是该书部分的简单书摘与说明。
在此要特别提醒，这里所谓的福音派，是包括华人所说的福音派和灵恩派，都全算在一
起，这和我们习惯用法不同。
基本上，具有统计数据的研究，是我们探询真相很重要的研究方法。在过去，大
家面对对教会与基督徒状况，多数的情形，都只是没有数据的个人观察与... 阅读全帖 |
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j*******7
发帖数: 6300 | 47 在与同性恋挣扎的过程中，一个常常困扰我的问题，便是为什么在冥冥众生中，偏
偏我是名同性恋者？我读了很多书籍，它们都无法给我满意的答案。我被这问题困扰了
许久，感觉就好象是一名对病情束手无策的医生般，不知道病情的根源，又怎能医治它
呢？表面上我可以控制自己的行为，就如控制病情的恶化般，但能「对症下药」总是再
好不过了。后来我去找赛．罗杰斯的最大原因，便是想知道自己的同性恋倾向产上的缘
由。
先在此声明，同性恋的产生是个复杂的课题。撇开同性恋的生理因素不谈，我相信
没有一套理论是完全适用于所有的同性恋者，因每个同性恋者的家庭背景、生活经历、
性格等都有不同之处。但在辅导同性恋者的过程当中，我们发现到他们都有两个非常显
著的共同点，那就是与同性父母的关系的疏离及幼时受到性侵犯。
1.与同性父母的关系疏远
伊莉沙白.莫白莉博士(Dr.Elizabeth Moberly)未发表她的专论之前，很多心理学
家及精神病医生都相信同性恋的产生在于同性恋者与异性父母的关系过于亲密，导致他
们与异性父母而非同性父母认同。另同性恋者也因此与母亲的心理相一致，寻求受男性
的庇护。这些心理学家及精神病医生的统计也... 阅读全帖 |
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J*******g
发帖数: 8775 | 48 谢谢分享。
同性恋需要同情和关爱，但不可鼓励同性恋。
我感觉美国极左liberal试图说同性恋正常是不合适的。同性恋在很多方面生活质量都
不好。
现在的世界并不是完美的世界，有很多不好的东西存在。
不过歧视同性恋也是不合适的。 |
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t******k
发帖数: 599 | 49 "同性恋在很多方面生活质量都不好。"
这就是先有鸡先有蛋的问题了。有人就会说是因为有歧视才的存在才带来这些不好。就
像百年以前黑奴时代，黑人活得也不好，但不能说黑人就是问题所在，或者黑人就是不
可鼓励的了。 |
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J*******g
发帖数: 8775 | 50 歧视同性恋总有个起点。所以我认为这个不仅是歧视的问题。我感觉同性恋由于自己与
其他人的不同，本身就比较敏感，容易受刺激，感到自卑。如果一个同性恋追求一个普
通人，因为普通人不会理解同性恋，那么这个普通人就容易歧视这个同性恋，觉得同性
恋不正常。也许这就是歧视的来源。 |
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