i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 1 http://www.jeanhsu.com/?p=229
When I read Amy Chua's article on the WSJ a few days ago, I was appalled
that the public's response was so divided. Many people seemed to actually
acknowledge her style of parenting as superior, admiring her for all the
effort she has put into raising her children and for their accomplishments
at such a young age. As I mulled over the article and the various responses
to it on my Facebook wall and other online news sources and blogs, I
decided to write a response from a different perspective.
I am a 24 year-old female who was raised by first-generation Chinese parents
. After majoring in Computer Science at Princeton, I moved to California to
work at Google. After two years, I left to work for myself, and recently
joined a small startup in Palo Alto. Whether or not I am considered a
success by Asian parents, I am not sure (probably up until the leaving
Google part), but I can say with certainty that I am happy with my life. My
parents were certainly influenced by Chinese traditions, but they
thankfully they did not socialize with that many Asian families, and I was
mostly spared the experience Amy Chua describes. Some parts stay with me
though. My parents, like most Asian parents, were always critical about
physical appearance and weight, and though "well-intentioned," the criticism
always stung. Amy says that the kids don't take it personally, but I know
that I did, and will always remember those occasions when they were too
strict or too critical.
I have seen many Asian families who raised their kids like Amy Chua. These
kids skip grades (not one but two), compete in piano competitions, are made
to study for the SATs everyday as a freshman, the list goes on and on.
Their parents justify their methods by bragging off-handedly to other Asian
parents about their kids' accomplishments, mutually confirming that this
arbitrary formula is, indeed, the path to success. In reality they are just
molding all their kids to look exactly the same on paper. Math
competitions, high SAT scores, perfect GPA, valedictorian, 1st place in
piano competitions...how many of these resumes do you think college
admissions officers see roll in every fall? And then when they don't get
into top-tier universities, Asians complain that schools discriminate
against Asian students, that they are more qualified than many of the non-
Asians getting into the schools. And ironically, despite the emphasis on
music at a young age, most asian parents I know would be pretty upset if
their children wanted to major in music and become a professional musician.
Most of my Asian classmates strived for good grades (it was expected of them
) and got them, but to them, school was a compartmentalized aspect of their
life in which good grades were the sole objective. Despite my own
upbringing, where I was encouraged but not pushed forcefully by my
thankfully not-too-stereotypical Chinese parents, I too strove for good
grades, but stopped when I got the A. Even though I really enjoyed some
subjects, I never actively pursued any "school-related" projects on my own
through high school and college. In sharp contrast, one of best friends
would routinely delve deeper into subjects he found fascinating, teaching
himself IPA (International Phonetic Alphabet) when he discovered a love for
linguistics, and spending one of his free periods doing physics independent
study. My husband, who is Caucasian, has an intense love for math and
programming that I deeply admire. His parents never made him do math drills
, yet he recently worked every night on a math paper that was accepted by a
prestigious publication, and is working on a math puzzle book to share his
love of math with more people. I, on the other hand, have personally
struggled with finding something that I am as passionate about. I honestly
hope that our future children's attitude toward learning is more like that
of my husband than my own.
Chinese parents who demand the highest grades from their children at any
cost are sadly doing them a great disservice. While it may result in short-
term "success," that mentality makes it incredibly difficult for them to
find something they really love.
Amy Chua's kids are still young. They still have much of high school and
college left, not to mention the rest of their lives. While I wish them the
best, I cannot help but think of Chinese classmates who had stereotypically
strict parents, but partied too hard in college and haven't really found
anything they find fulfilling. I truly believe that many in my generation
of ABCs (American born Chinese) lack drive--with parents that watch them do
their homework and write their college application essays, they never had to
make any hard decisions for themselves. Many are too cautious to take big
risks, and instead find themselves stuck in unsatisfying jobs. While trying
to give them an academic advantage, these parents are really stunting their
personal and social development. Good grades, hard work and discipline can
get you far in life, but it that's all you have and you lack social skills
and initiative, you are sorely limited in what you can do.
First generation immigrants want the best for their children, as do all
parents, but they really are not that qualified to judge what will lead to a
successful and fulfilling life in the United States. Their narrow-minded
formula for success (great grades, ivy league, medical school, high paying
job) may work for some, but it alienates those who might find success
elsewhere. Many highly successful and happy people have gotten to where
they are by leaving a stable job to try to start their own company, pursuing
a career in the performing arts, or majoring in something other than
science, math or engineering, yet all these would be highly discouraged by
most Asian parents. When I have children of my own, I hope I will be able
to stress the importance of education while they are young, but allow them
the freedom to make decisions and mistakes for themselves. | E*********e
发帖数: 10297 | 2 en, 这次中国父母都很热闹的站在了舞台上
华利利的
responses
parents
to
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: http://www.jeanhsu.com/?p=229
: When I read Amy Chua's article on the WSJ a few days ago, I was appalled
: that the public's response was so divided. Many people seemed to actually
: acknowledge her style of parenting as superior, admiring her for all the
: effort she has put into raising her children and for their accomplishments
: at such a young age. As I mulled over the article and the various responses
: to it on my Facebook wall and other online news sources and blogs, I
: decided to write a response from a different perspective.
: I am a 24 year-old female who was raised by first-generation Chinese parents
: . After majoring in Computer Science at Princeton, I moved to California to
| c*******k
发帖数: 1437 | 3 你方唱罢我登场
【在 E*********e 的大作中提到】
: en, 这次中国父母都很热闹的站在了舞台上
: 华利利的
:
: responses
: parents
: to
| E*********e
发帖数: 10297 | 4 再把聚光灯打得亮一点
咱们都不用遁形
【在 c*******k 的大作中提到】
: 你方唱罢我登场
| i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 5 俺觉着，说得挺靠普，可惜没具体措施
问题是，俺又觉着
motivation，passion，persistence
这些很多是基因
推不推，推多少，最大程度上只能改变个10%-20%吧？
换句话说，如果作者被放到了她LG家养，就肯定会对什么很有passion么？
基因在哪儿摆着呢，也是有这样的人嘛，对什么都差不多一样的温度？
所以，中式家长的养娃方式（grade，hard working，discipline）
是保底的养娃方式，有口比较香的饭吃
//想想，俺都替自己悲哀
//累死也就是20%的提升，base在哪儿放着呢
//IQ高的，脑子好使的，才有本钱开拓其他的兴趣爱好，父母才不用上心
//试想，如果娃考试都不及格了，能不管么？
//考试都是A，那还管啥呢？ | I*****e
发帖数: 7085 | 6 zan
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: 俺觉着，说得挺靠普，可惜没具体措施
: 问题是，俺又觉着
: motivation，passion，persistence
: 这些很多是基因
: 推不推，推多少，最大程度上只能改变个10%-20%吧？
: 换句话说，如果作者被放到了她LG家养，就肯定会对什么很有passion么？
: 基因在哪儿摆着呢，也是有这样的人嘛，对什么都差不多一样的温度？
: 所以，中式家长的养娃方式（grade，hard working，discipline）
: 是保底的养娃方式，有口比较香的饭吃
: //想想，俺都替自己悲哀
| p*****e
发帖数: 5165 | 7 这个，才是真正诋毁我们华人爹妈的？
responses
parents
to
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: http://www.jeanhsu.com/?p=229
: When I read Amy Chua's article on the WSJ a few days ago, I was appalled
: that the public's response was so divided. Many people seemed to actually
: acknowledge her style of parenting as superior, admiring her for all the
: effort she has put into raising her children and for their accomplishments
: at such a young age. As I mulled over the article and the various responses
: to it on my Facebook wall and other online news sources and blogs, I
: decided to write a response from a different perspective.
: I am a 24 year-old female who was raised by first-generation Chinese parents
: . After majoring in Computer Science at Princeton, I moved to California to
| p****i
发帖数: 6135 | 8 这个真的是诋毁吗？
我觉得虽然不好听， 可是大多数是事实
【在 p*****e 的大作中提到】
: 这个，才是真正诋毁我们华人爹妈的？
:
: responses
: parents
: to
| p*****e
发帖数: 5165 | 9 小屁孩的事实，哼哼。片面夸大我国爹妈的不完美。。。各位，先进的必然不完美。那
个蔡阿米姐姐也只是说华人爹妈先进。。。先进过程中难免挫伤一点小小心灵。可是为
了不挫伤小小心灵就不保持我们的先进性，那就是因噎废食。
【在 p****i 的大作中提到】
: 这个真的是诋毁吗？
: 我觉得虽然不好听， 可是大多数是事实
| b******r
发帖数: 3206 | 10 得，从“另一个方面”给“典型的中国父母”坐实了虎妈那些超级夸张的作（说）法。
responses
parents
to
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: http://www.jeanhsu.com/?p=229
: When I read Amy Chua's article on the WSJ a few days ago, I was appalled
: that the public's response was so divided. Many people seemed to actually
: acknowledge her style of parenting as superior, admiring her for all the
: effort she has put into raising her children and for their accomplishments
: at such a young age. As I mulled over the article and the various responses
: to it on my Facebook wall and other online news sources and blogs, I
: decided to write a response from a different perspective.
: I am a 24 year-old female who was raised by first-generation Chinese parents
: . After majoring in Computer Science at Princeton, I moved to California to
| | | s*******l
发帖数: 4870 | 11 就是啊！什么叫幸亏我爹妈没有选择和most Asian family social？？！！！
【在 p*****e 的大作中提到】
: 小屁孩的事实，哼哼。片面夸大我国爹妈的不完美。。。各位，先进的必然不完美。那
: 个蔡阿米姐姐也只是说华人爹妈先进。。。先进过程中难免挫伤一点小小心灵。可是为
: 了不挫伤小小心灵就不保持我们的先进性，那就是因噎废食。
| i*******9
发帖数: 2995 | 12 有中文版的吗
responses
parents
to
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: http://www.jeanhsu.com/?p=229
: When I read Amy Chua's article on the WSJ a few days ago, I was appalled
: that the public's response was so divided. Many people seemed to actually
: acknowledge her style of parenting as superior, admiring her for all the
: effort she has put into raising her children and for their accomplishments
: at such a young age. As I mulled over the article and the various responses
: to it on my Facebook wall and other online news sources and blogs, I
: decided to write a response from a different perspective.
: I am a 24 year-old female who was raised by first-generation Chinese parents
: . After majoring in Computer Science at Princeton, I moved to California to
| E*********e
发帖数: 10297 | 13 哈哈，读中文版的很好玩
【在 i*******9 的大作中提到】
: 有中文版的吗
:
: responses
: parents
: to
| p****i
发帖数: 6135 | 14 hoho， 难道不是这儿曾经有n多人发言，
进了k12才知道自己娃儿落后，
得推， 得狠狠的有技巧有策略的推。。。
【在 s*******l 的大作中提到】
: 就是啊！什么叫幸亏我爹妈没有选择和most Asian family social？？！！！
| l*****f
发帖数: 13466 | 15 nod nod ah...
【在 p*****e 的大作中提到】
: 这个，才是真正诋毁我们华人爹妈的？
:
: responses
: parents
: to
| g******s
发帖数: 3647 | 16 我咋觉得话糙理不糙呢。
【在 p*****e 的大作中提到】
: 这个，才是真正诋毁我们华人爹妈的？
:
: responses
: parents
: to
| q********y
发帖数: 615 | 17 我怎么觉得绝大多数人没有赞成amy的方式啊，她在这儿攻击个啥啊
不过话说回来，asian kids look exactly the same on paper,这个真有点呢
responses
parents
to
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: http://www.jeanhsu.com/?p=229
: When I read Amy Chua's article on the WSJ a few days ago, I was appalled
: that the public's response was so divided. Many people seemed to actually
: acknowledge her style of parenting as superior, admiring her for all the
: effort she has put into raising her children and for their accomplishments
: at such a young age. As I mulled over the article and the various responses
: to it on my Facebook wall and other online news sources and blogs, I
: decided to write a response from a different perspective.
: I am a 24 year-old female who was raised by first-generation Chinese parents
: . After majoring in Computer Science at Princeton, I moved to California to
| b******r
发帖数: 3206 | 18 这个大概就是皮叔说的某些有文化自卑感的父母养出来的香蕉孩子的典型了。
——咱也给她stereotype吧。现在发现这个stereotype还真是要先下手为强啊。
【在 s*******l 的大作中提到】
: 就是啊！什么叫幸亏我爹妈没有选择和most Asian family social？？！！！
| b******r
发帖数: 3206 | 19 皮叔啊，我同意你说的那些理论，那些也确实是中国甚至亚洲文化里面关于教育的传统
。可是为了抓眼球而夸大事实甚至扭曲事实，和那些号称宣传本国文化其实却不过是满
足外国人猎奇心理的做法本质上有什么区别？那个虎妈干的，与其说是传扬中国教育思
想，不如说是给中国教育思想归谬，负面的效果要远强于正面的效果。
【在 p*****e 的大作中提到】
: 小屁孩的事实，哼哼。片面夸大我国爹妈的不完美。。。各位，先进的必然不完美。那
: 个蔡阿米姐姐也只是说华人爹妈先进。。。先进过程中难免挫伤一点小小心灵。可是为
: 了不挫伤小小心灵就不保持我们的先进性，那就是因噎废食。
| p*****e
发帖数: 5165 | 20 你说的对。假设她有话语垄断权，大家只从她这里听，那么应该是这样子的。但是我觉
得我们可以站得更高一点。这样想：等她喊完了，大家也讨论一番了。尘埃落定以后，
大概谁也不去管她说的对还是不对了。大家对我国的教育方式总是有更多的了解了。
而且我们这么多年下来，实际上很大程度上思想上已经跟“西方父母”差不多了，蔡姐
姐这时候宣传基于上一代的，某种程度上不一定准确的父母方式，对于我们，这实际上
是一个反向的文化冲击，就跟在米很多年的现代父母回到中国七十年代一样。这时候如
果能让我们从新思考一下一些问题，比如娃娃的承受力到底有多大，破除一些迷信，对
我们还是有帮助的。
【在 b******r 的大作中提到】
: 皮叔啊，我同意你说的那些理论，那些也确实是中国甚至亚洲文化里面关于教育的传统
: 。可是为了抓眼球而夸大事实甚至扭曲事实，和那些号称宣传本国文化其实却不过是满
: 足外国人猎奇心理的做法本质上有什么区别？那个虎妈干的，与其说是传扬中国教育思
: 想，不如说是给中国教育思想归谬，负面的效果要远强于正面的效果。
| i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 21 瓦
真是同样的一篇文章，每个人读下来的感受不同，引申的东西也不同呀
24岁的娃，虽然结婚了
能这么再看了一篇文章后，思考
俺觉着挺不容易地
//俺24岁的时候，在那儿一个劲的犯错误呢
当然，凡事只要一generalize，就不可能让general public happy
//才24嘛，还有很多成长的空间 |
|
