t***i
发帖数: 26 | 1 最近，心不是很静。有一点焦虑。
尤其是今天工作的时候，有一点厌倦的想法。
我试图挖掘自己的内心深处。是什么原因。
我想，或许是原来自己太志得意满。
以为爱自己的人尽在掌握。
当我的内心有一点患得患失时，觉得人生如此灰烬。
一直以来，我试图把自己阳光积极的一面SHOW给大家。
可是我真的有足够坚强吗？
我真的能带给人们我的正面的能量吗？
一个星期四的下午，C来到我工作的店里，送给我一朵白色玫瑰。
心疼了一下。此时。
友谊！ R笃定地说。
听到后，我的心淡淡失望。
刚又GOOGLE了一下，宁愿相信，它曾经是纯洁天真的爱。
如何，让我能对一切都不入心。
如何，万花丛中过，片叶不沾身的境界，只有快乐，没有烦恼。
我的心还是疼了那么一小下。
C，没做错过什么。
一个按摩女孩和一个有私人飞机的音乐家的丈夫，妄谈友谊，都是可笑。遑论所谓“纯
洁的爱”呢？
你有过心微微疼痛的感觉吗？
它像是揪在一起，再无力放手。
我听到他说去找另外一个女孩按摩，做为送给她的生日礼物。
只是淡淡说：那么，不要再找我。
占有欲？不肯分享欲？抑或是不适合年龄的小委屈？嗔念？
可笑的感触。说过之后，我的心竟然会疼痛。多可笑的感受，我入戏了？我是不是应该
照照镜子，看看我是谁？ 中国话叫：踩鼻子上脸。给脸不要脸。或者，还有很多词汇
：心比天高，命比纸薄，之类。
动感情的工作，你能做多久？你能入戏多深，你能服务多少人？你能不能把这个工作真
正做好？你的根基才有多浅，竟然拿着鸡毛当令箭了。
我的理想是：有一份体面的工作，买一套体面的房子，过一份体面的生活。
“情”，岂非是最贱的东西。
我试图挖掘如何能把工作做好，如何成为一个TOP的按摩师。
在1个小时之内，投入爱情给我的工作以及客人。在1个小时之内，再完整收回。不惹尘
埃。
像我跟BOB,JIM说的那样： 我对所有人都这样，这只是我的工作。你没有特别。
我贱也好，贵也好，讨好你也好，暧昧你也好。没有分别，这只是我的工作。
Recently, my heart is not very quiet. A little anxiety.
Especially in today's work, a little tired.
I tried to look into my own heart. What's wrong with me.
I think perhaps I had been too proud, but for nothing.
Can I control all love I get?
When my heart feel a little about the outcome, does life like ashes?
I have always tried to show everyone my own positive side,
but am I really strong enough?
Can I really bring my positive energy to people?
A Thursday afternoon, C came to my work place, gave me a white rose.
Distressed a bit. at this time.
Friendship! R said with conviction.
After hearing that, my heart was disappointed a little bit.
I checked on GOOGLE, preferring to believe that it was pure and innocent
love.
How, can I put everything out of my heart?
How, can I get that realm: after enjoy million flowers , none stick to
yourself even piece of leaves,
how can I only get happiness, no worries?
My heart still hurts a little bit.
C, did nothing wrong.
A massage girl and a private airplane's owner, a musician's husband, make
friendship alone, is ridiculous. Not to mention the so-called "pure love" ！
Have you ever had a slight heart pain feeling?
It's like pulling together, and then has to let go.
I heard he said he went to see another girl for a massage, as a birthday
present of hers.
I said: So, don't back to see me again.
Possessive? Would not want to share? Or is it small grievances but not age-
appropriate ? Anger read?
Funny feeling. my heart went so far as pain after that. More funny feeling,
I fell into a play? Should I look in the mirror and see who I am? In
Chinese sayings, they called: step nose to face, Alternatively, there are
many words: heart is higher to sky, life is thinner than paper.
.Emotional work, how long can you do? How far can you go, how many people
can you serve?
Can you really make this work? You have more shallow roots, even holding a
feather as the authority arrow?
My ideal is: a decent job, buy a decent house, had a decent life.
"Love", does that mean the cheapest thing in the ideal???
I should try my best to research how to become a TOP masseur.
In 1 hour, put my love into my work and clients and recover. Do not mess
with a dust.
Like I told BOB, JIM, I said: I treat all clients like this, this is just my
job. you are not special.
Whether I am cheap or I am expensive, whether I please you, or ambiguous you
,
No difference, this is just my job.
http://taoui.blogspot.com/ | N*y
发帖数: 108 | 2 sf
【在 t***i 的大作中提到】
: 最近，心不是很静。有一点焦虑。
: 尤其是今天工作的时候，有一点厌倦的想法。
: 我试图挖掘自己的内心深处。是什么原因。
: 我想，或许是原来自己太志得意满。
: 以为爱自己的人尽在掌握。
: 当我的内心有一点患得患失时，觉得人生如此灰烬。
: 一直以来，我试图把自己阳光积极的一面SHOW给大家。
: 可是我真的有足够坚强吗？
: 我真的能带给人们我的正面的能量吗？
: 一个星期四的下午，C来到我工作的店里，送给我一朵白色玫瑰。
| t***i
发帖数: 26 | 3 taoui: 16 double X beers
Just for fun, I think I will start to write down some stories about massage
girls and clients. All stories are true with appropriate changes to hide my
client’s identities.
H
I can't forget him. Maybe he will stay in my heart a long time.
When I first time saw him, I just teased with him, and starred into his eyes
….
"Hey, your eyes are so blue!"
He is 6'1 I think, a few extra pounds in the middle but not that much.
I have always liked colored eyes, especially when their color is truly blue,
his eyes are amazing. In my country, all people’s eyes are brown. I
appreciate variety.
He said: "yeah....I think I am lucky, coz I’m the only one in my family
with blue eyes."
I remember the first time I worked on him, he only had enough time for a
half hour. I held his hand as I walked him to his room and told him to
undress and I would be back. Nothing special happened during his time as I
talked to him and tried to make a connection with him. As we finished he
thanked me and I gave him a hug.
As he left the room, he gave me $30 in tips; he surprised me, I didn’t
expect that for 30 minutes. Although, I should not be surprised by any
amount, something about him interested me. It does not bother me if a guy
is fat or not when I can get $30 for tips in 30 minutes for doing nothing…
you guys know what I mean by doing nothing….
When he left I gave him my phone number on the back of our business card. I
also checked the sign in book and hoped he wrote something down for me to
remember him next time. I couldn’t forget him…$$$
I was in a difficult situation at the time; I had spent most of the money I
brought from my home country. Food is expensive here, rent was coming due
and I am not that kind of girl to raise money that way.
About a week later, I went to a hair salon; it was going to cost $40. As I
was getting my hair done and felt bored and sent a text to a few clients,
including him. (Yes, he left a real phone number, again to my surprise). I
asked: if the hair cut is $40, how much should I pay for a tip….
Sometimes I text my clients just to keep me in their thoughts, good sales is
always important. I don’t text my clients if they ask me not to.
The answers were so different…
A middle-eastern guy said: 5 dollars
Another American guy said: 10 dollars
“H” replied: if you feel good, pay 12 dollars, pay more if you feel better
about it, if it’s just ok, pay less, but, who are you….
He did not remember me… I suppose that most guys don’t enter our numbers
into their phones after only one visit….unless she was THAT special. He
did remember who I was later that day.
In retrospect; I am so happy that I sent him a message. He is now one of my
important friends and cannot be replaced. This relationship is not what a
massage girl should have with our clients but somehow we just understand
each other and grew to trust each other.
A few days later I asked him if he could drive me somewhere; I needed to go
to an interview. He said that his schedule was light that day and he agreed
to drive me. To return the favor, I invited him to a Chinese meal that day.
From that day on he has visited me often and gave me work. We would also go
to a restaurant or a drink after his work or during lunch. We paid
separately; we were still working on gaining each other’s trust and respect.
I received my Green Card on a Thursday and called him excitedly: Hey dude,
this time you should invite me for a drink that evening. Wow, we finished
16 beers together and ate that night. It may have been a big bill, but you
know, when people get drunk everything is ok…. We still go to that
restaurant and the waiter still remembers us.
We have good times together; it takes time to build trust, one day at a time
. He is special to me and don’t want to forget him. | t***i
发帖数: 26 | 4 回想起从前的点点滴滴，哪一个不是用心培就的故事？
到如今的否定。还好，我是见证过故事的美好。
当我和R兴致勃勃地爬上27层楼试图找点吃的。
当我们抱着“不是很饿”的心情，坐在烛火团簇的吧台高处，
当我们觉得那粉色晶莹的灯饰那样迷人，眼帘下就餐的人马那样人模狗样。
R谨慎地说： “要么，我们GO DUTCH?”
"没问题！不过，"我说：“既然GO DUTCH，为啥不挑贵的点..."
我们兴致勃勃地坐在一起。
从香喷喷的面包开始吃起……
一人一杯马天尼。感觉人生如此美好。
我们不想今后，不想过去，只活在当下。
当初在国内威海见到了一位师兄，出家了。
看到她剃度之后的照片。宁静庄严。
再翻过她从前的照片，皎洁美好。
她和我年龄相仿。开瑜伽学校的。
看到她落发之后的照片，第一感觉是：呀，这么漂亮的姑娘，怎么不来美国？
有点可惜的感觉。
美国人看不出亚洲女性的年龄。更何况，她花容月貌，妩媚婀娜。
嫁入豪门的可能性不是没有的。开飞机，驾游艇的生活，不是那样遥远的。
大把高鼻深目的帅哥送上玫瑰，不是不可以的。
在美国，美貌岂非就是权力。
女人总不会看那么长远。譬如我。
有人说：美国这么民主，怎么不见有一个女总统。
我就会想：虽说我当也当不上，但就是让我去当，我也不当，我还不想累死。
所谓中国人的说法：头发长，见识短？
我不知道是不是我贪图安逸的想法抬头。
今天再看看这位女生。突然心生羡慕。我想她此时在四川喇荣的寺庙里，一定是宁静喜
悦的。
R谈及做TRUST的事情。财产房产在百年之后如何分派。
是啊。财富这种东西，不在于拥有多少，在于你的自由使用度有多高。在你想的时候，
你能拥有。能用钱买到。除此之外，银行的数字又能如何呢。
没财产，会带来不方便，有财产，不代表没烦恼。
有一首歌：歌词是这样的。
那天的云，是否都已料到，所以脚步才轻巧，
以免打扰到，我们的时光，因为注定那么少
风，吹着白云飘，你到哪里去了，
想你的时候，抬头微笑，你知道不知道。
http://taoui.blogspot.com | t***i
发帖数: 26 | 5 taoui: apple garden
spicy time。
C asked me when will I continue the stories.
I said: I will have to do some sex or murder stories to impress people.
love and war are the novel's topics for ever.
I don't think it's a good place to talk about "pure love".
I don't want to people get sick.....
How about sex?
I did have a good sex.
if you can not give me lots of love, then give me lots of money.
He is a guy never mind meet me at mall.
I sent him a dress pic, then he said: " I will be there in 20mins."
heard this, I run to the cashier and paid as quick as possible.
it's our understanding.
When he came, I handed the dress bag and smiled to him successfully.
"well," he said:" maybe a necklace."
I didn't ask anything. we just walked and company.
his heart is expensive enough. what else I need?
I already felt satisfied. Women are easy animal sometimes.
I told him: I bought this dress for another man. I hate to dress the gift
from you and date with another man.
I told him a story about a boy and a girl in China.
I introduced them knew each other and they did fall in love.
Their parents gave them really hard time.
Boy's parents didn't like the girl, girl's mother really hate boy.
At last, the girl quit.
the boy bought a house located right the girl's kindergarten.
So he could watch the girl dancing with children all the time.
until one day, he found the girl had a new boyfriend.
that day, he parked quietly at the gate of girl's house.
He saw the girl hanging on a man's arm,
she wear the dress from the boy, she wear the boot from the boy,
she carried the purse from the boy,
her cell phone was from the boy, yes, maybe underwear.
I hate the end of story.
I can't forgive that.
I believe all the gifts from a man, are his love.
let's return back to my story about him.
how about talk about Hermès time?
I admit, when he bought this gift for me, at that time, my first feeling was
the following part is about "spicy time".
Until now, I don't even know, what I gave him is it what he really wanted?
I said:" hey, dude, let's find some interesting place, do some interesting
things!"
"what..." he watched me with kind of humorous look.
" How about we find some place and have a good sex..."
"Well..." he wanted to say something....but was disturbed by me.
I said: " I know an apple garden, if we can't have sex, at least we can
steal some apples..."
" O...K...."
There was so beautiful apple garden.
Big tall trees there...
Some mobile homes here...some broken car..there...
We watched all the home....knocked...or asked.....and made sure nobody here.
That's a really beautiful afternoon.
We naked. under those big trees..
I can remember some sunshine on our naked skin.
we can smell fresh apples...
Breeze made my skin cooler..
But everything beautiful and incredible ..
I was loud. but didn't care that.
I could feel his body sweaty...
yes, some leaf on my back, but who cares..
I laid on sack.....felt so different ...
We enjoyed to feel each other came out.. that's perfect.
Everybody had very good sex experience. it's one of mine.
I think his too.
But, he still kept asking me, by text, or by email,
He asked: that day, did you really want sex?
well, I really don't know if I really want, or I really want to return him.
But those are not important, the important thing was: we did happy at that
afternoon.
thank you honey. | t***i
发帖数: 26 | 6 taoui: 别哭，我最爱的人
1.
坐在电脑前，在打算写一些文字的时候，想了想，我还是需要TAKE CARE我自己。
窗外小区的游泳池发着幽幽的光。整个夏天，一个女孩在深夜2点，在里面不停地游泳
。游泳的好处，流汗了，或者是落泪了也没有人知道。
阳台上的六棵植物，需要我照料，让它们枝繁叶茂，摇曳生辉。
面前的两头猫，需要爱，让它们安详，安心。
我，也需要照料我自己。在写下这些文字之前，或者之后，会洗个热水澡，让湿漉漉的
头发自己风干。明天清晨的阳台上，有我干净的衣衫。
女朋友说：还是自己赚自己的钱，花起来仗义。
她千娇百媚，花容月貌。独身一人。
努力工作才是根本。即使遇不到对的人，也take care自己。加油，努力工作。
2.
CHRIS来的时候，我正在和巴西小伙brian聊天。他安静得像一块温暖的石头。
我听到CHRIS在和我的老板讲话，门一闪，我看到了他。CHRIS眼睛是很干净的灰色。清
瘦。不笑的时候，眼睛里也满是笑意。干干净净的打扮。告诉他，我必须得送brian走
，再过去看他。
当我走进房间，我们温柔拥抱。像对待每个客人那样。甜蜜说话，温柔拥抱。
我们互相谈论了网络上的事情。大家的争论。
当我沉默下来，CHRIS问：这是很好的时间，你问我问题。
我说：那么我在想，我工作完你之后，是不是和你一起吃个晚饭，我想问你喜欢意大利
饭，墨西哥饭，法国饭还是中国饭，我可以考虑带你去哪一家饭馆。
我们的气氛和谐友好。彼此尊重。因为这是我的工作，我更希望我的表现是称职，出色
的按摩师。不是约会中的女友。我会问我怎样做能让他感觉更舒适。更信任。他也会指
点我，我从中受益。并在今天运用到我的工作中，让我的客人印象更深刻，在合法的情
形下，难以忘怀我的服务。
CHRIS和我去吃中餐，我经常去的一家餐馆。如果我要答谢我的客人，或者我的客人约
我一起吃中饭，我会选择这里。很NICE的中餐馆。下午时候，常常没有别的客人，于是
会跟客人开玩笑说：我为你预约了整个餐馆。
我们点了宫保虾仁和鱼香茄子。非常非常好喝的青岛啤酒。YEAH！中国茶。白饭。
饭菜简单，但是非常尽兴。我们谈很多。
我喜欢他跟我讲他太太的样子。他为她感到骄傲。并且给我看他太太的照片，秀丽的中
国女生。气质脱俗高雅。我想他一定幸福。我的客人里，有多少人都是深爱着他们的太
太。幸福的女人才会让她们的先生去按摩放松，他们彼此相爱，他们希望对方快乐。对
于，我也非常尊重，尊重我的客人，尊重客人的家庭。或许我和客人之间有亲密感受，
我欣赏并欢迎我的每一个客人，无论是白人，黑人，墨西哥人，亚洲人。他们的再次拜
访，就是对我最大的赞美。而发乎情，止乎礼，所有缓缓流动的情感只为了工作，在一
小时之前开始，在一小时之内结束。我没有试图去做谁太太的野心，我只想一视同仁，
好好工作。
不要去猜测，按摩女孩是不是真的喜欢你，不要去猜测，按摩女孩说她想你了，是真话
还是谎言。你有你的工作，而这是我们的工作。从这里开始，从这里结束。
在夜色中，CHRIS会告别OC，回到LA。那是个漫长的距离。我们开玩笑，谈论着按摩网
站所有搞笑的噱头。譬如说：KISS, NO TONGUE. 我们大笑，说我们也来个KISS，NO
TONGUE.
我们做了做FISH KISS。两个人还是忍不住大笑。
我想这是非常愉快的经历，做为网友，我愿意成为他的朋友。做为客人，他是非常优质
的客人。
3.
我想我必须把这首诗歌写在这里。
这是在美国，第一次有人和我谈论诗歌。
在中国，有新诗和古体诗歌。诗歌是语言中的精萃。每个字就是一个世界，字字都美。
The Power of Words
by Letitia Elizabeth Landon
'Tis a strange mystery, the power of words!
Life is in them, and death. A word can send
The crimson colour hurrying to the cheek.
Hurrying with many meanings; or can turn
The current cold and deadly to the heart.
Anger and fear are in them; grief and joy
Are on their sound; yet slight, impalpable:—
A word is but a breath of passing air.
有趣。这让我想着，我是不是应该写一首诗歌，送给谁。
你睡了吗？没有吧。
我的猫咪睡了，在一个你知道的位置。
我MEAN吗？有一些吧。
我像猫的那一天很MEAN，
像狗的那一天很友好。
像狗的那一天我LICKING,SUCKING,KISSING.
像猫的那一天我GRASPING,SCRATCHING,KICKING
爱的时候是SWEETHEART，恨的时候是魔鬼。
当我们都逐渐老去。多希望我们的爱情可以逐渐延长。
你想知道我唱给你的那首歌的歌词吗
别哭我最爱的人
今夜我如昙花绽放
在最美的一霎那掉落
你的泪也挽不回的枯萎
别哭我最爱的人
可知我将不会再醒
在最美的夜空中眨眼
我的眸是最闪亮的星光 |
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