W*******n
发帖数: 4140 | 1 Joke: Obama Venting on SNL
08/31/2012
By Limin Wang
After the Republican National Convention (RNC), Mr. President Obama drank
some funnels more of his home-made beer and stumbled into the Saturday Night
Live (SNL) for venting. Unfortunately, the Watergate 7.2 bugs still work as
hell well as any new ones, and they still leak.
SNL: Hello, Mr. President? The real you? No mocking?
Obama: Hell-O. SNAIL.
SNL: What?! It is pronounced as S, N, L.
Obama: I call it snail, because it is sticky, gooey, nasty...
SNL: Whatever. But why you come here?
Obama: I have something much nastier, politics.
SNL: We make serious business on taking politics without politeness. You get
it?
Obama: Politeness is good on the politics table, so I firstly appreciate the
Republican National Convention. I have jumped so better in those three
single and simple days that I can finally slam dunk with my longest fingers
now. I wish that Hurricane Isaac in Louisiana had not scared them to
postpone their convention in Florida. I could be better earlier by at least
one day.
SNL: Interesting! Did you ever take a break from the jump training?
Obama: Yes, when Chris Christie was bravely talking about TRUTH. Even as
president, I dare not even think that word so often. I was totally frozen. I
am afraid that Mayor Bloomberg has already sent somebody across the river
to silently admire him now.
SNL: Come on, Mr. President, grow some backbones!
Obama: My backbones have grown well since the Republican National Convention
. The Republicans talked about the constitution. Doesn’t the constitution
say there are three equal branches in the government? It is at least two-
thirdly unfair to point all the long fingers to me.
SNL: Quite interesting!
Obama: They brought out the founding fathers. I still remember something
about the founding fathers from the children books. Didn’t one historian
say that the patriotic revolutionists were a bunch of “well bred, well fed,
well wed, well said…”? They were almost all rich guys who hated tax. But
when they came to political power, what they did to the tax rebellions such
as in Massachusetts and Pennsylvania? How an integral person was counted as
three-fifth? I do not get it. The United States is not the first country to
have something like the Bill of Rights, and all the Amendments over hundreds
of years also say part of the history themselves. Would the Republicans go
backward to recall the Amendments too?
SNL: Very interesting! Let me share my Vodka with you.
Obama: They cocked on wars or defending liberty. Have you ever physically
been in any bloody war? Without the French, would the America alone be able
to sign the Treaty of Paris in 1783 with Britain? When the French Revolution
was going on with the guillotines, what gear did President Washington put
on? The war hawks declared war on Britain in 1812 trying to take Canada, but
what happened to Washington, D.C. around this time in 1814? The election of
Abraham Lincoln shouldn’t have caused the Civil War, but the assassination
of him might have stopped that war. When bloody World War I and World War
II were going on in other countries, our presidents did not jump right in.
President FDR did not declare war until the Japanese bombed our Pearl Harbor
on December 7, 1941, and the D Day did not happen until June 6, 1944. The
Korean War or Vietnam War should have told some truth about the true
communists beyond what our politicians usually claim. Have anyone questioned
why the suicide bombers did such things to themselves? Many more people,
inside and outside this country, inside and outside the military, have
enjoyed the peace during my presidency. The moral force wins people,
particularly common people. I have been waiting for the fake-communist
Chinese government to declare war in the Pacific, but they did all the
marine shows just to cover up their internal power struggle.
SNL: Extremely interesting! Cigarette or cigar? Please. I have both.
Obama: Keep cigars for the “better” days, please. They paint me as an
ignorant in economy. Let me ask you: Isn’t Detroit, the automobile city, in
Michigan? Those guys took private jets to reach me into my deep pockets for
money. I was all the directions looking for Mr. Mint Nomoney. The banks are
not really controlled by the federal government. So, Wall Street loaned me
a funnel and I tried all sorts of trickery all around the globe to funnel
money. Don’t tell them that; the capitalism China is still looking forward
with me. I raked foreign and domestic companies for any possible sense of
wrongdoings or faults. I scraped richest guys and girls for more taxes. I
propped up the stocks to make sure all funnels work well. Still, the
Republicans’ calculators say I double-handedly owe a hole of trillions. It
’s backbreaking plus heartbreaking! When I said that “you didn’t build it
,” I was aiming my spitballs to the vampire investors and shark banks. They
invested in my presidency, now they say that I am broken in my presidency,
and they want to take it back and resell it.
SNL: WOW! We better use up the cigars now.
Obama: The Republicans also fondled family love and community care. You ever
wonder why so many poor families have broken apart all around the world all
along the history? What inflicts such everlasting atrocity?
SNL: Mr. President, that is a hell problem deeper than the Mariana Trench.
Oho! the Republicans are coming! |
|
