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TrustInJesus版 - Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction(ZZ)
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话题: he话题: gender话题: attraction话题: same话题: feelings
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1 (共1页)
m****a
发帖数: 9485
1
by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
A pleasant young man in his early 20s sat across from me. He had an engaging
smile, although he didn’t smile often during our talk. What drew me in was
the pain in his eyes.
“I don’t know if I should remain a member of the Church,” he said. “I
don’t think I’m worthy.”
“Why wouldn’t you be worthy?” I asked.
“I’m gay.”
I suppose he thought I would be startled. I wasn’t. “And … ?” I inquired.
A flicker of relief crossed his face as he sensed my continued interest. “I
’m not attracted to women. I’m attracted to men. I’ve tried to ignore
these feelings or change them, but …”
He sighed. “Why am I this way? The feelings are very real.”
I paused, then said, “I need a little more information before advising you.
You see, same-gender attraction is not a sin, but acting on those feelings
is—just as it would be with heterosexual feelings. Do you violate the law
of chastity?”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t.”
This time I was relieved. “Thank you for wanting to deal with this,” I
said. “It takes courage to talk about it, and I honor you for keeping
yourself clean.
“As for why you feel as you do, I can’t answer that question. A number of
factors may be involved, and they can be as different as people are
different. Some things, including the cause of your feelings, we may never
know in this life. But knowing why you feel as you do isn’t as important as
knowing you have not transgressed. If your life is in harmony with the
commandments, then you are worthy to serve in the Church, enjoy full
fellowship with the members, attend the temple, and receive all the
blessings of the Savior’s Atonement.”
He sat up a little straighter. I continued, “You serve yourself poorly when
you identify yourself primarily by your sexual feelings. That isn’t your
only characteristic, so don’t give it disproportionate attention. You are
first and foremost a son of God, and He loves you.
“What’s more, I love you. My Brethren among the General Authorities love
you. I’m reminded of a comment President Boyd K. Packer made in speaking to
those with same-gender attraction. ‘We do not reject you,’ he said. ‘…
We cannot reject you, for you are the sons and daughters of God. We will not
reject you, because we love you.’” 1
We talked for another 30 minutes or so. Knowing I could not be a personal
counselor to him, I directed him to his local priesthood leaders. Then we
parted. I thought I detected a look of hope in his eyes that had not been
there before. Although he yet faced challenges to work through—or simply
endure—I had a feeling he would handle them well.
m****a
发帖数: 9485
2
God Loveth His Children
When an angel asked Nephi a question about God, Nephi answered, “I know
that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all
things” (1 Nephi 11:17). I too affirm that God loves all His children and
acknowledge that many questions, including some related to same-gender
attraction, must await a future answer, perhaps in the next life.
Unfortunately, some people believe they have all the answers now and declare
their opinions far and wide. Fortunately, such people do not speak for The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Although I believe members are eager to extend compassion to those different
from themselves, it is human nature that when confronted with a situation
we don’t understand, we tend to withdraw. This is particularly true of same
-gender attraction. We have so little reliable information about it that
those wanting to help are left feeling a bit unsteady. Admitting my own
inadequacy in this regard but wanting to assist, let me offer some
suggestions to help those who have loved ones or friends who are attracted
to the same gender.
m****a
发帖数: 9485
3
Our Father’s Plan of Happiness
First, let’s be absolutely clear on what God wants for each of us. He wants
us to have all of the blessings of eternal life. He wants us to become like
Him. To help us do that, He has given us a plan. This plan is based on
eternal truths and is not altered according to the social trends of the day.
At the heart of this plan is the begetting of children, one of the crucial
reasons Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden (see 2 Nephi 2:19–25; Moses 5:
10–12). They were commanded to “be fruitful, and multiply” (Moses 2:28),
and they chose to keep that commandment. We are to follow them in marrying
and providing physical bodies for Heavenly Father’s spirit children.
Obviously, a same-gender relationship is inconsistent with this plan.
For various reasons, marriage and children are not immediately available to
all. Perhaps no offer of marriage is forthcoming. Perhaps even after
marriage there is an inability to have children. Or perhaps there is no
present attraction to the opposite gender. Whatever the reason, God’s
richest blessings will eventually be available to all of His children if
they are clean and faithful.
Through the exercise of faith, individual effort, and reliance upon the
power of the Atonement, some may resolve same-gender attraction in mortality
and marry. Others, however, may never be free of same-gender attraction in
this life.
As fellow Church members, families, and friends, we need to recognize that
those attracted to the same gender face some unique restrictions regarding
expression of their feelings. While same-gender attraction is real, there
must be no physical expression of this attraction. The desire for physical
gratification does not authorize immorality by anyone. Such feelings can be
powerful, but they are never so strong as to deprive anyone of the freedom
to choose worthy conduct.
In saying this, let me make it clear that attractions alone, troublesome as
they may be, do not make one unworthy. The First Presidency has stated, “
There is a distinction between immoral thoughts and feelings and
participating in either immoral heterosexual or any homosexual behavior.” 2
If you do not act on temptations, you have not transgressed.
The failure to see that distinction sometimes leads to despair. I ache for
those who do not understand that every blessing offered by God is available
to anyone who obeys the laws upon which those blessings are predicated (see
D&C 130:20–21). No one who lives the gospel should despair. Hope and peace
come from the Comforter, and the answer to despair is to invite the Holy
Ghost into our lives.
m****a
发帖数: 9485
4
Ways to Help
Let’s assume you are the family member or friend of someone with same-
gender attraction who comes to you for help. What do you say? What do you do?
I’d begin by recognizing the courage that brought your son, daughter,
sibling, or friend to you. I’d recognize the trust that person has extended
. Discussing the issue with someone of trust is a healthy first step to
dealing with confusing feelings, and it is imperative that these first steps
be met with compassion.
Next, if you are a parent of one with same-gender attraction, don’t assume
you are the reason for those feelings. No one, including the one struggling,
should try to shoulder blame. Nor should anyone place blame on another—
including God. Walk by faith, and help your loved one deal the best he or
she can with this challenge.
In doing so, recognize that marriage is not an all-purpose solution. Same-
gender attractions run deep, and trying to force a heterosexual relationship
is not likely to change them. We are all thrilled when some who struggle
with these feelings are able to marry, raise children, and achieve family
happiness. But other attempts have resulted in broken hearts and broken
homes.
Above all, keep your lines of communication open. Open communication between
parents and children is a clear expression of love, and pure love,
generously expressed, can transform family ties. But love for a family
member does not extend to condoning unrighteous behavior. Your children are
welcome to stay in your home, of course, but you have every right to exclude
from your dwelling any behavior that offends the Spirit of the Lord.
m****a
发帖数: 9485
5
The Garden Principle
Next, consider a principle learned in gardening. Someone said that if we
plant a garden with good seed, there will not be so much need of the hoe.
Likewise, if we fill our lives with spiritual nourishment, we can more
easily gain control over inclinations. This means creating a positive
environment in our homes in which the Spirit is abundantly evident. A
positive environment includes consistent private and public worship, prayer,
fasting, scripture reading, service, and exposure to uplifting conversation
, music, literature, and other media.
This same environment extends to experiences at church. Some with same-
gender attractions have unresolved fears and are offended at church when no
offense is intended. On the other hand, some members exclude from their
circle of fellowship those who are different. When our actions or words
discourage someone from taking full advantage of Church membership, we fail
them—and the Lord. The Church is made stronger as we include every member
and strengthen one another in service and love (see D&C 84:110).
You may feel prompted to encourage the one you are trying to help to visit
with a priesthood leader who holds the keys of inspired counsel. Please do
so, knowing that the First Presidency has asked Church leaders to discuss
these matters confidentially and in a spirit of Christlike love. 3
m****a
发帖数: 9485
6
In the Lord’s Hands
Not long ago I received a letter from a man in his early 30s who struggles
with same-gender attraction. His struggle has not been easy, and he has not
yet married. But, he wrote, “the Lord has helped me face my current
circumstances, and I am content to do my best and leave my life in His hands
.”
I weep with admiration and respect at the faith and courage of such a man
who is living with a challenge I have never faced. I love him and the
thousands like him, male or female, who “fight the good fight” (1 Timothy
6:12). I commend his attitude to all who struggle with—or who are helping
others who struggle with—same-gender attraction.
m****a
发帖数: 9485
7
Additional Information
Some of the ideas and language in this article come from a booklet prepared
by the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for those
attracted to the same gender. It is titled God Loveth His Children (item no.
04824). If the booklet is available in your language, you can obtain a copy
from your local distribution center or download it from
www.lds.org/same-gender-attraction.
http://www.lds.org/liahona/2007/10/helping-those-who-struggle-w
b********n
发帖数: 38600
8

engaging
was
inquired.
“I

【在 m****a 的大作中提到】
: by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
: A pleasant young man in his early 20s sat across from me. He had an engaging
: smile, although he didn’t smile often during our talk. What drew me in was
: the pain in his eyes.
: “I don’t know if I should remain a member of the Church,” he said. “I
: don’t think I’m worthy.”
: “Why wouldn’t you be worthy?” I asked.
: “I’m gay.”
: I suppose he thought I would be startled. I wasn’t. “And … ?” I inquired.
: A flicker of relief crossed his face as he sensed my continued interest. “I

1 (共1页)
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相关话题的讨论汇总
话题: he话题: gender话题: attraction话题: same话题: feelings