f***i
发帖数: 8 | 1 不好意思占着**不**,拿来现眼了,请多指教拍砖
顾城
是树木游泳的力量
使鸟保持它的航程
使它想起潮水的声音
鸟在空中说话
它说：中午
它说：树冠的年龄
芳香覆盖我们全身
长长清凉的手臂越过内心
我们在风中游泳
寂静成型
我们看不见最初的日子
最初，只有爱情
It is the vigour of the swimming tree
that enables the bird to carry on its journey
to remind it of tidewater song
The bird speaks in the air
It says: Noon
It says: Age of a tree crown
Fragrance bestrows all over us
The long long crisp arms go beyond innermost being
We are swimming in the wind
Silence coming into being
We do not see th | a********a
发帖数: 1292 | 2 呵呵，我也是很不好意思，所以一有机会就**一下来这里。
飞奔ing～～
【在 f***i 的大作中提到】
: 不好意思占着**不**,拿来现眼了,请多指教拍砖
: 顾城
: 是树木游泳的力量
: 使鸟保持它的航程
: 使它想起潮水的声音
: 鸟在空中说话
: 它说：中午
: 它说：树冠的年龄
: 芳香覆盖我们全身
: 长长清凉的手臂越过内心
| l***y
发帖数: 791 | 3 我也** 一下,请多指教拍砖:
The strength that keeps the trees swimming
Keeps the bird on its journey,
and reminds him of the sounds the tide makes.
The bird in the air speaks.
"Noon," it says.
"The age of a tree's canopy," it says.
Frangrance covers us over.
Its long long arms run us through cold and clear.
We swim in the wind now.
silence forming,
We cannot see the time in the beginning.
There was only Love in the beginning.
【在 a********a 的大作中提到】
: 呵呵，我也是很不好意思，所以一有机会就**一下来这里。
: 飞奔ing～～
| or
发帖数: 720 | 4 you two's translation capability is definitely better than li3 ao2's (see
1861).
seriously, i like lynny's way of mapping out sentences which feels smooth and
complete, and i like fendi's choice of words: vigour, crisp, bestrow,
innermost being, primordial tho i think canopy fits better than crown.
【在 l***y 的大作中提到】
: 我也** 一下,请多指教拍砖:
: The strength that keeps the trees swimming
: Keeps the bird on its journey,
: and reminds him of the sounds the tide makes.
: The bird in the air speaks.
: "Noon," it says.
: "The age of a tree's canopy," it says.
: Frangrance covers us over.
: Its long long arms run us through cold and clear.
: We swim in the wind now.
| l***y
发帖数: 791 | 5 I was trying to use the same primary words as GC did. but maybe not to the
same effect. not a pro. need more work and inspiration.
Thanks, Or mm. =)
and
【在 or 的大作中提到】
: you two's translation capability is definitely better than li3 ao2's (see
: 1861).
: seriously, i like lynny's way of mapping out sentences which feels smooth and
: complete, and i like fendi's choice of words: vigour, crisp, bestrow,
: innermost being, primordial tho i think canopy fits better than crown.
| f***i
发帖数: 8 | 6 谢谢银子和熊猫
译诗真是费力不讨好的事情呀
熊猫更简洁些,动词能量大
好
【在 l***y 的大作中提到】
: I was trying to use the same primary words as GC did. but maybe not to the
: same effect. not a pro. need more work and inspiration.
: Thanks, Or mm. =)
:
: and
| f***i
发帖数: 8 | 7 恩,附一个同事改的
It is the vigour of the swimming tree
that enables the bird to carry on its journey
to remind it of tidewater song
The bird speaks in the air
It says: Noon
It says: Age of a tree crown
Fragrance bestrows all over us
The long long crisp arms go beyond innermost being
We are swimming in the wind
Silence coming into being
We do not see the primordial days
Primordial, and just love
[Auditory version]
The swimming tree
In vigor of air
A permission
Of flood an
【在 l***y 的大作中提到】
: I was trying to use the same primary words as GC did. but maybe not to the
: same effect. not a pro. need more work and inspiration.
: Thanks, Or mm. =)
:
: and
| or
发帖数: 720 | 8 that i agree. classic phrases dont exactly suit GC's original...just i am
biased and tend to like the words i can't recognize.. actually looked up
"primordial" and "bestrow" in the dictionary..;P
【在 l***y 的大作中提到】
: I was trying to use the same primary words as GC did. but maybe not to the
: same effect. not a pro. need more work and inspiration.
: Thanks, Or mm. =)
:
: and
| N****y
发帖数: 45 | 9 In swims, the trees build a force,
to keep the bird on its course,
to bring back to her mind,
the sounds of the growing tides.
So the bird speaks in the sky,
says "noon",
says "the age of the canopies"
We drown in all the fragrance, but we thrill
at the arms reaching aross our heart, long and chill.
In the wind we swim,
in silence we pose still.
We could not witness the beginning of times,
For in the beginning, only Love resides.
我使了**的劲儿,也只能假装押韵.向顾城致敬!
【在 a********a 的大作中提到】
: 呵呵，我也是很不好意思，所以一有机会就**一下来这里。
: 飞奔ing～～
| l***y
发帖数: 791 | 10 lol i have the same weakness while reading stuff, and then make a bee-line
to m-w.com. those wicked words they are like candies. ;P
(see
smooth
【在 or 的大作中提到】
: that i agree. classic phrases dont exactly suit GC's original...just i am
: biased and tend to like the words i can't recognize.. actually looked up
: "primordial" and "bestrow" in the dictionary..;P
| e***e
发帖数: 3872 | 11
刚刚通了，你就**到这里来了，好*快！
【在 f***i 的大作中提到】
: 不好意思占着**不**,拿来现眼了,请多指教拍砖
: 顾城
: 是树木游泳的力量
: 使鸟保持它的航程
: 使它想起潮水的声音
: 鸟在空中说话
: 它说：中午
: 它说：树冠的年龄
: 芳香覆盖我们全身
: 长长清凉的手臂越过内心
|
|
