p***7
发帖数: 535 | 1 自从做了妈妈之后,对自己要求严了。老想做一个成功的人 来做宝宝的榜样。现在老是
想总结自己的性格，try 纠正自己的性格。因为觉得自己年纪很轻，锻炼成一个好性格
为事业打好基础。但是老是不太如意。能得自己挺累。
比如自己性格比较敏感，有点善于查颜观色，别人一个小神情也能令我想半天。有时候
挺累人。
比如想和别人打好交道，一个是语言还是不到家，有时候别人说话及自己follow
不上。自己性格不是十分爱表达自己，几句话就没什么可说得了。----自责
自己以后想做个faculty,希望能和周围的professor时常交流交流，但常常不知说什么
，而且见到他们还有点紧张。倒头来，只是点头微笑的分--自责
对自己的专业有点兴趣，但不是很强，是强是弱。但又不知道自己该做什么最适合自己
，所以只好往前走。
老是给自己心理负担，比如想换专业，但是又想起国内的导师会不会因此瞧不起自己。
从小就有点偶像崇拜的倾向。比如国内崇拜过系里女院长和实验室的副导师，
希望以后做她们那样的人。但又怀疑她们不喜欢我，所以从而推测自己是不能成为她们
那样的人的。
总之，一片乱麻，劳工说我事事举重。我也不知道如何，请大家办 | p***7
发帖数: 535 | 2 没有指点迷经的吗？自己的想法是不是正常？自己顶一下。
【在 p***7 的大作中提到】
: 自从做了妈妈之后,对自己要求严了。老想做一个成功的人 来做宝宝的榜样。现在老是
: 想总结自己的性格，try 纠正自己的性格。因为觉得自己年纪很轻，锻炼成一个好性格
: 为事业打好基础。但是老是不太如意。能得自己挺累。
: 比如自己性格比较敏感，有点善于查颜观色，别人一个小神情也能令我想半天。有时候
: 挺累人。
: 比如想和别人打好交道，一个是语言还是不到家，有时候别人说话及自己follow
: 不上。自己性格不是十分爱表达自己，几句话就没什么可说得了。----自责
: 自己以后想做个faculty,希望能和周围的professor时常交流交流，但常常不知说什么
: ，而且见到他们还有点紧张。倒头来，只是点头微笑的分--自责
: 对自己的专业有点兴趣，但不是很强，是强是弱。但又不知道自己该做什么最适合自己
| D**N
发帖数: 1440 | 3 what do you really want, instead of meet other people's needs, in your life?
what do you want to be, instead of ought to be?
do you know your true feelings, instead of pretended feelings to please
people?
how can you set yourself as the model you want your kids to follow, if you
can't answer above 3 questions?
you were a kid living in a prison, and if you are not aware of that, you
will put your kids in the same prison. you are frustrated now, and your kid
will be frustrated for sure if you don' | p***7
发帖数: 535 | 4 谢谢。
你说的非常有帮助。我没有意识到这个。
不过只是有点疑问，人是不是或多或少的有点想取悦别人。 | m*****c
发帖数: 348 | 5 这个说得太好了! 但是怎么样才能做到呢? 我觉得可能很多人一辈子也做不到.
life?
kid
【在 D**N 的大作中提到】
: what do you really want, instead of meet other people's needs, in your life?
: what do you want to be, instead of ought to be?
: do you know your true feelings, instead of pretended feelings to please
: people?
: how can you set yourself as the model you want your kids to follow, if you
: can't answer above 3 questions?
: you were a kid living in a prison, and if you are not aware of that, you
: will put your kids in the same prison. you are frustrated now, and your kid
: will be frustrated for sure if you don'
| m*****c
发帖数: 348 | 6 就算不是特意想取悦别人, 至少也不想得罪或者冒犯别人吧, 所以做人都是会带着面具
, 不会完全自我的. 我也觉得他说得很好, 但是我一直在想, 是不是那只是一种最理想
的状况,而现实中很少有人能真正达到.
【在 p***7 的大作中提到】
: 谢谢。
: 你说的非常有帮助。我没有意识到这个。
: 不过只是有点疑问，人是不是或多或少的有点想取悦别人。
| D**N
发帖数: 1440 | 7 you might not see the difference between "feel" and "express". we are not entitled to freely express our anger, rage, etc toward people, that's true; but we all need to touch our true feelings, instead of to repress them.
when we were little, we repressed our true feelings, covered our true needs, to be good kids bringing the least inconvenience; we did things not what we truely wanted so as to get the parent's "love" in return. this sounds normal to most of us, and the little kids within us sti
【在 m*****c 的大作中提到】
: 就算不是特意想取悦别人, 至少也不想得罪或者冒犯别人吧, 所以做人都是会带着面具
: , 不会完全自我的. 我也觉得他说得很好, 但是我一直在想, 是不是那只是一种最理想
: 的状况,而现实中很少有人能真正达到.
| e****e
发帖数: 104 | 8 niu a, ding.
;
needs,
truely
,
to
【在 D**N 的大作中提到】
: you might not see the difference between "feel" and "express". we are not entitled to freely express our anger, rage, etc toward people, that's true; but we all need to touch our true feelings, instead of to repress them.
: when we were little, we repressed our true feelings, covered our true needs, to be good kids bringing the least inconvenience; we did things not what we truely wanted so as to get the parent's "love" in return. this sounds normal to most of us, and the little kids within us sti
| p***7
发帖数: 535 | 9 你分析的的确挺好.
但一这么分析,我到觉的自己正常了.因为一句话说的好:所有人都不正常,那你就正常了
. 不过你说的的确让我清醒了许多,谢谢! | c*****g
发帖数: 228 | 10 Wow, this is awesome. What you said totally make sense to me. I have been
struggling for a while now but never was able to think as thorough. I hope I
can benefit from your post. Can you suggest some way to recover from this?
My counseler used to tell me "when you have kids, you will understand", but
I hope I can recover from this more or less before I have kids so that the
same thing won't happen to her/him. Try to remember my early childhood
definitely worked for me, but it is very slow and I
【在 D**N 的大作中提到】
: you might not see the difference between "feel" and "express". we are not entitled to freely express our anger, rage, etc toward people, that's true; but we all need to touch our true feelings, instead of to repress them.
: when we were little, we repressed our true feelings, covered our true needs, to be good kids bringing the least inconvenience; we did things not what we truely wanted so as to get the parent's "love" in return. this sounds normal to most of us, and the little kids within us sti
| | | D**N
发帖数: 1440 | 11 en...you are very welcome. i don't want to be too hard on you now. your
response now is a typical defense mechanism, but not necessarily right and
beneficial. keep thinking about what i said, and observing your kid. i'm
sure you will find the process very rewarding, for you and your little baby.
【在 p***7 的大作中提到】
: 你分析的的确挺好.
: 但一这么分析,我到觉的自己正常了.因为一句话说的好:所有人都不正常,那你就正常了
: . 不过你说的的确让我清醒了许多,谢谢!
| D**N
发帖数: 1440 | 12 pm to you
I
?
but
【在 c*****g 的大作中提到】
: Wow, this is awesome. What you said totally make sense to me. I have been
: struggling for a while now but never was able to think as thorough. I hope I
: can benefit from your post. Can you suggest some way to recover from this?
: My counseler used to tell me "when you have kids, you will understand", but
: I hope I can recover from this more or less before I have kids so that the
: same thing won't happen to her/him. Try to remember my early childhood
: definitely worked for me, but it is very slow and I
| j*****i
发帖数: 47 | 13 先试着把标准降低，先拣一两个容易的目标，一步一步地来。先取悦自己，再取悦别人。
试着找两本吴淡如写的书来读读，可以试试公共图书馆的中文部，或托人从国内买。
一个快乐的家庭对孩子来说才是幸福的家庭。 | a*****r
发帖数: 50 | | k******n
发帖数: 1740 | 15 我没看完那篇英文post,不过我想对楼主说的是，有没有想过：谁规定一定要自己快乐
，才能让孩子们快乐呢？ | f********d
发帖数: 506 | 16 this is truely amazing and i completely agree. i have similar experience and
also suffer from this even these years. i hope i can be free and do not
pass it to my daughter. thanks so much.
entitled to freely express our anger, rage, etc toward people, that's true;
but we all need to touch our true feelings, instead of to repress them.
needs, to be good kids bringing the least inconvenience; we did things not
what we truely wanted so as to get the parent's "love" in return. this
sounds normal to
【在 D**N 的大作中提到】
: you might not see the difference between "feel" and "express". we are not entitled to freely express our anger, rage, etc toward people, that's true; but we all need to touch our true feelings, instead of to repress them.
: when we were little, we repressed our true feelings, covered our true needs, to be good kids bringing the least inconvenience; we did things not what we truely wanted so as to get the parent's "love" in return. this sounds normal to most of us, and the little kids within us sti
| p***7
发帖数: 535 | 17 Thanks! It helps more
人。
【在 j*****i 的大作中提到】
: 先试着把标准降低，先拣一两个容易的目标，一步一步地来。先取悦自己，再取悦别人。
: 试着找两本吴淡如写的书来读读，可以试试公共图书馆的中文部，或托人从国内买。
: 一个快乐的家庭对孩子来说才是幸福的家庭。
| j*****i
发帖数: 47 | 18 不用谢。
祝好。
【在 p***7 的大作中提到】
: Thanks! It helps more
:
: 人。
|
|
