N******2
发帖数: 436 | 1 小孩的大脑发育到很晚才基本成熟，能理智思考问题，通常大概9岁左右开始成熟吧。
尿床也是大脑发育不完善造成的，晚熟的小孩11岁大脑才能控制不再尿床。
公司的老中老美都说他们的小孩大概9岁以后才能彻底分清童话和现实的区别，不再相
信迪斯尼，童话，城堡之类的事情。
越小的小孩，越分不清自己想的，还是事实上已经发生的，小孩也不知道危险，例如不
能正确判断高度所以有可能从高处摔下，不能正确判断速度和距离，所以经常看到小孩
出事故受伤或者死亡。
刚出生到前几个月的小孩，甚至没有时间的概念，没有“自我”是一个整体的意识。
所以，小孩说谎，有时候不见得是他说谎，而是有可能他心里想的是那样，就把他自己
想的当做已发生的现实。
作为父母，要耐心分辨这些细节，不要随便就给小孩扣大帽子，正确引导和教育。缘分
就是这一辈子，要珍惜。 | A***u
发帖数: 3714 | 2 这个我同意。多来一些有用信息。多来一点新人发言吧。 | g******e
发帖数: 998 | 3 作为父母，要耐心分辨这些细节，不要随便就给小孩扣大帽子，正确引导和教育。缘分
就是这一辈子，要珍惜。 | n**********4
发帖数: 2719 | 4 恩，昨天也有个类似的帖子。貌似好多爹妈都爱说孩子撒谎，然后自己就有理了。其实
爹妈和孩子是一伙的，没人管你谁有理谁没理。但是出现physical伤害，外人就要管了。
【在 N******2 的大作中提到】
: 小孩的大脑发育到很晚才基本成熟，能理智思考问题，通常大概9岁左右开始成熟吧。
: 尿床也是大脑发育不完善造成的，晚熟的小孩11岁大脑才能控制不再尿床。
: 公司的老中老美都说他们的小孩大概9岁以后才能彻底分清童话和现实的区别，不再相
: 信迪斯尼，童话，城堡之类的事情。
: 越小的小孩，越分不清自己想的，还是事实上已经发生的，小孩也不知道危险，例如不
: 能正确判断高度所以有可能从高处摔下，不能正确判断速度和距离，所以经常看到小孩
: 出事故受伤或者死亡。
: 刚出生到前几个月的小孩，甚至没有时间的概念，没有“自我”是一个整体的意识。
: 所以，小孩说谎，有时候不见得是他说谎，而是有可能他心里想的是那样，就把他自己
: 想的当做已发生的现实。
| r*********y
发帖数: 80 | 5 学习了。这两天我和老公逐渐意识到了这个问题，谎话和想象对孩子而言是有差别的，
即使造成了相同的后果。
今天早上就和孩子说了，妈妈知道他不是想撒谎，而是分不清想象和真实的差别，以后
妈妈会帮助你的。小孩告诉我他夸大事情的原因是因为他的brain告诉他应该这么说，
然后belly和小精灵都同意了，他自己觉得好像有点不对，可是大家都同意了，所以他
才说的。孩子说的很认真，我相信对他而言，这些虚幻的角色和对话是真的存在的。 | G**T
发帖数: 2610 | 6 聪明小孩投胎到笨父母家里，是最大的悲剧。
聪明小孩投胎到聪明父母家里，是最美好的结局。
笨小孩投胎到聪明父母家里，是最幸运的结局。
笨小孩投胎到笨父母家里，是最普通的结局。
父母们要加油啊，多学知识，作个聪明父母。 | n**********4
发帖数: 2719 | 7 只要父母大于等于孩子就好。四分之三呢！
【在 G**T 的大作中提到】
: 聪明小孩投胎到笨父母家里，是最大的悲剧。
: 聪明小孩投胎到聪明父母家里，是最美好的结局。
: 笨小孩投胎到聪明父母家里，是最幸运的结局。
: 笨小孩投胎到笨父母家里，是最普通的结局。
: 父母们要加油啊，多学知识，作个聪明父母。
| l******n
发帖数: 4276 | 8 哈哈哈聪明小孩投胎到笨父母家里的飘过:)
【在 G**T 的大作中提到】
: 聪明小孩投胎到笨父母家里，是最大的悲剧。
: 聪明小孩投胎到聪明父母家里，是最美好的结局。
: 笨小孩投胎到聪明父母家里，是最幸运的结局。
: 笨小孩投胎到笨父母家里，是最普通的结局。
: 父母们要加油啊，多学知识，作个聪明父母。
| G**T
发帖数: 2610 | 9 天哪，敢公然这么说自己的妈 －－ 话说我们不是感慨过你妈教给你很多有智慧的道
理吗？ 你俩到底谁更笨一些？
【在 l******n 的大作中提到】
: 哈哈哈聪明小孩投胎到笨父母家里的飘过:)
| l******n
发帖数: 4276 | 10 哈哈哈说的是娃,不是妈
不过你的理解也很有意思:)
Btw:好像很少有家长会觉得自己的娃不如自己的吧
【在 G**T 的大作中提到】
: 天哪，敢公然这么说自己的妈 －－ 话说我们不是感慨过你妈教给你很多有智慧的道
: 理吗？ 你俩到底谁更笨一些？
| | | u*****a
发帖数: 6276 | 11 Three-year-old Sally was playing happily in the kitchen while her mother
cleaned up the dinner dishes. As Sally's mom turned to collect another plate
from the table, she noticed a puddle on the floor under Sally's feet. "
Sally, honey, did you wet your pants?" Sally shook her head and said, "My
shoes did it."
Clearly, Sally has told her mother a lie. Like most parents, you might feel
shocked — angry, hurt, or even betrayed — when you first discover your
child has lied. But if you can step back and view lying as a part of your
child's emotional and intellectual development, you will find that telling
lies doesn't condemn your child to a life of betrayal or serious behavior
problems. In fact, recent research has shown that lying plays a positive
role in normal development. Essential human skills — independence,
perspective taking, and emotional control — are the same skills that enable
children to lie.
Conventional wisdom long held that young children were not capable of lying
. More recent research, however, has found that most children learn to lie
effectively between the ages of 2 and 4. The first successful lie can be
pegged as a developmental achievement because it marks the child's discovery
that her mind and thinking are separate from her parents'. This same
understanding is marked by the discovery of the word no, which helps young
children delineate the boundaries between their own desires, thoughts, and
feelings, and those of others.
Like everything else, children learn to lie from the people around them.
Parents and teachers show children in subtle — and not so subtle — ways to
suppress their honesty. "Look at that funny man," a child will yell. "I don
't like this," she'll say of Grandma's gift. "Yuck," he says about food that
doesn't taste good. Adults slowly teach children that this kind of honesty
is not always welcome — that there is a fine line between telling the truth
and not hurting other people. Children also observe active lying by the
adults in their lives. (One research study found that adults admit to lying
an average of 13 times a week!) We all tell lies of convenience, and our
children watch and learn — but not always so literally.
How Lying Evolves
From about age 4 on, children lie for many of the same reasons adults do:
to avoid punishment, to gain an advantage, to protect against an unwanted
consequence, and even to boost self-esteem. Youngsters, like adults,
sometimes lie to demonstrate power, to maintain privacy, or to protect a
friend. When a child lies, she is essentially trying to change a situation,
to reconstruct things the way she wants them to be.
There is a developmental progression to lying. At the first level, the
child wants to achieve some goal or reward by saying something that she
knows or believes to be false. Her intention may be to affect the listener's
behavior — to avoid punishment or receive a reward, for example.
Consider the following study: A number of 2- and 3-year-old children were
seated in an empty room and told not to peek at a toy placed on table behind
them. The researcher left and returned to the room five minutes later.
Ninety percent of the children looked at the toy, and the majority — about
two-thirds — concealed their peeking. One-third lied outright, saying they
did not peek, while the other third didn't answer the question, pretending
not to hear it.
At this age, wishes and imagination often get in the way of what is real.
Sometimes a 3 year old will start to tell a story, and you will hear it get
out of hand as he adds bits and pieces to fit the ideas in his head. Lies at
this age might succeed, but 3 year olds are generally poor liars because
they fail to lie appropriately. They do not consider that their listener
will actually think about either the statement or their intention. As a
result, they tend to lie at the wrong time or place, or neglect to think
about other important facts, such as covering their tracks to conceal the
deception.
By age 4, children know the difference between telling the truth and lying
— and they know it's wrong to lie. So, generally, they're truthful, and
when they're not it's obvious. But they also become more proficient at lying
because they're more cognitively capable of taking into account the
listener's belief of their statement.
When researchers conducted the same toy study with children aged 4 to 6,
they found that older children were better at resisting the temptation to
peek. But those who did look were more apt to lie about it. Videotapes
showed another important difference in the older children: After they looked
at the toy, they didn't look very happy. They did, however, change their
facial expression once the researcher came back — they literally "put on a
face."
By age 4 or 5, children understand the effects of a false message on a
listener's mind, recognizing that the listener will interpret and evaluate a
statement in the light of their existing knowledge. But they still have
trouble knowing whether a listener thinks a statement is true. As one 5 year
old said, "You should never tell a lie because the brains inside grown-ups'
heads are so smart they always find out."
An even more sophisticated level of lying emerges between the ages of 6 and
8. Children can now understand something like, "John wants his mother to
think he feels bad about Grandma not coming to visit." At this stage, it's
not just the content of the lie, but the motive or attitude of the speaker
that can be doubted, as well.
Looking ahead to ages 10 and 11, most children become able liars. The big
difference at this stage is that parents and teachers are no longer seduced
by the sound of a child's voice, the innocent look on her face, or an
outlandish alibi.
When Your Child Lies
When your young child tells a lie, remind yourself that this is not a
crisis of morality. It doesn't help to get outraged. Telling a lie is your
child's way of getting what he wants, which is normal and healthy. It also
doesn't help to investigate his story like a detective. This makes the child
feel that he can't be trusted, or that he is devious. Even when a child is
4 to 5 years or older, and understands what truth is, you still may or may
not get the truth if you ask for it directly. If you do get "the truth,"
however, it was because you made him tell. After he admits he licked the
chocolate off your cake, what have you gained? You did not encourage him to
take responsibility for his own behavior. In fact, pressuring your child can
cause him to tell less than the truth the next time.
Helping your child develop morality and responsibility for his actions over
the long haul is the goal. While lying is a normal aspect of growing up,
that does not mean it should be dismissed. Here are some strategies that you
can use to help your child develop a better understanding of truthfulness:
• Model the behavior you expect to see in your child. This sounds
obvious, but it involves monitoring when and how you lie — not an easy task
. If we want to foster a trusting, self-regulating child who cares about his
own welfare and that of others, we have to do it the hard way: by being
trusting, self-regulating, and respectful adults.
• Cool down before doing anything. The calmer you are, the better you'
ll communicate. The first step is to convey the message that a behavior —
stealing, for example — is wrong. Then, address why your child lied about
what he did. Remember that some children will lie to avoid anger even more
than to avoid punishment.
• Use consequences that promote the development of conscience.
Consider a kindergartener who has discarded several notes sent home by the
teacher requesting a meeting. His father hasn't received any notes, and is
shocked when the teacher calls. His child denies any knowledge of the notes.
At this point, although we can imagine feeling emotions such as anger,
despair, and resentment, it is best to stay calm. A logical short-term
consequence might be to require the child to inform his teacher that he hasn
't been giving the notes to his parents and that he is sorry. He can then
ask for another note to bring home.
• Consider the goal of your child's lie. In the case of our
kindergartener, was he trying to avoid punishment? Perhaps he was frightened
by the consequences of what he did and of making a mistake. What might he
be feeling? Anxious, guilty, ashamed, scared? There is always a motive and
meaning for what children tell us. It won't hurt to ask yourself what your
child is gaining by telling a lie.
• Point out the logical consequences of lying. Young children are very
interested in the story of the boy who cried wolf so often that, when the
boy really needed help, nobody paid any attention. When a child is able to
change her story and tell you the truth, let her know that you are glad she
was able to do so. This will reinforce her confidence and make it easier for
her to tell the truth the next time.
In the long run, the most effective solution is to try to discern what
message the child is trying to convey with his lie. Occasionally, lying is a
sign that a child needs more attention or, perhaps, stronger limits on
daily activities. Longer-term strategies may be to create structured
routines (for example, going to bed on time after a favorite read-aloud, or
a limited amount of television time) to increase his sense of security
within the family.
In the words of early childhood pioneer Erik Erikson, "It's a long haul
bringing up our children to be good; you have to keep doing that — bring
them up — and that means bringing things up with them: Asking, telling,
sounding them out, sounding off yourself — finding, through experience,
your own words, your own way of putting them together. You have to learn
where you stand, and make sure your kids learn [where you stand], understand
why, and soon, you hope, they'll be standing there beside you, with you." | Z****7
发帖数: 402 | 12 能再民科一点不
【在 N******2 的大作中提到】
: 小孩的大脑发育到很晚才基本成熟，能理智思考问题，通常大概9岁左右开始成熟吧。
: 尿床也是大脑发育不完善造成的，晚熟的小孩11岁大脑才能控制不再尿床。
: 公司的老中老美都说他们的小孩大概9岁以后才能彻底分清童话和现实的区别，不再相
: 信迪斯尼，童话，城堡之类的事情。
: 越小的小孩，越分不清自己想的，还是事实上已经发生的，小孩也不知道危险，例如不
: 能正确判断高度所以有可能从高处摔下，不能正确判断速度和距离，所以经常看到小孩
: 出事故受伤或者死亡。
: 刚出生到前几个月的小孩，甚至没有时间的概念，没有“自我”是一个整体的意识。
: 所以，小孩说谎，有时候不见得是他说谎，而是有可能他心里想的是那样，就把他自己
: 想的当做已发生的现实。
| a***n
发帖数: 100 | 13 认真看完了，很受教，谢谢分享！
plate
feel
【在 u*****a 的大作中提到】
: Three-year-old Sally was playing happily in the kitchen while her mother
: cleaned up the dinner dishes. As Sally's mom turned to collect another plate
: from the table, she noticed a puddle on the floor under Sally's feet. "
: Sally, honey, did you wet your pants?" Sally shook her head and said, "My
: shoes did it."
: Clearly, Sally has told her mother a lie. Like most parents, you might feel
: shocked — angry, hurt, or even betrayed — when you first discover your
: child has lied. But if you can step back and view lying as a part of your
: child's emotional and intellectual development, you will find that telling
: lies doesn't condemn your child to a life of betrayal or serious behavior
| l****1
发帖数: 1411 | 14 笨小孩投胎到聪明父母家里也是悲剧啊, 父母觉得自己这么优秀, 孩子这么笨, 给自己
丢脸, 觉得孩子什么都不好, 还要逼孩子成材成功来满足自己,孩子从小长大压力都好
大, 照样悲剧.
【在 G**T 的大作中提到】
: 聪明小孩投胎到笨父母家里，是最大的悲剧。
: 聪明小孩投胎到聪明父母家里，是最美好的结局。
: 笨小孩投胎到聪明父母家里，是最幸运的结局。
: 笨小孩投胎到笨父母家里，是最普通的结局。
: 父母们要加油啊，多学知识，作个聪明父母。
| s**********a
发帖数: 3273 | 15 你真觉得这种父母“聪明”么？
【在 l****1 的大作中提到】
: 笨小孩投胎到聪明父母家里也是悲剧啊, 父母觉得自己这么优秀, 孩子这么笨, 给自己
: 丢脸, 觉得孩子什么都不好, 还要逼孩子成材成功来满足自己,孩子从小长大压力都好
: 大, 照样悲剧.
| N******2
发帖数: 436 | 16 我也是看书，例如育儿书，看新闻关于小孩的出事报道，和公司的老中老美聊天才知道
一些的。希望大家多补充！
【在 Z****7 的大作中提到】
: 能再民科一点不
| w******r
发帖数: 2750 | 17 我小的时候有一个幼儿园的小朋友，智商140+，主要特点就是说谎，就是10句里有9句
是假的，一点不夸张。老师这么评价她的时候我还不信，和她玩了几次我就信了，没有
一句话是真的。 | A***u
发帖数: 3714 | 18 楼主从大脑的社会性发育看这个问题，我觉得是站得住脚的。
就算把小孩大脑和大人大脑解剖出来分析，按照最先的神经生物学理论，我大胆假设，
两者不一样。
【在 Z****7 的大作中提到】
: 能再民科一点不
|
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