c******i
发帖数: 4091 | 1 I'm an Asian Woman and I Refuse to Ever Date an Asian Man
It has nothing to do with skin color. It has everything to do with
patriarchy. And guess what? More and more “racist”-against-Asian-men Asian
women are getting on the white boy bandwagon.
Jenny An
Aug 31, 2012 at 1:00pm | Leave a comment
I'm an Asian girl. I don't date Asian guys. Yep, I'm one of those that date
lots and lots of (mostly, but not always) white guys.
Why? It's simple: I'm a racist.
Yep, I said it.
And guess what? I’m not alone. I’m actually –- shudder to think -- part
of a trend. Asians are marrying non-Asians at a rate much higher than any
other racial group. This summer Pew reported that 37 percent of all recent
Asian-American brides wedded a non-Asian groom. In an earlier study of the
couples who married in 2008, 9 percent of whites, 16 percent of blacks and
26 percent of Hispanics did so with someone of a different race or ethnicity
. Thirty-one percent of Asians did.
This trend has nothing to do with skin color. It has everything to do with
patriarchy and cultural sexism and a lifestyle I grew up with and want
nothing to do with anymore.
It would be easy to say that what I'm looking for culturally doesn't come in
an Asian package.
Wesley Yang wrote about it in New York magazine last year and made my heart
beat faster with the recognition of his rage against my cultural heritage
machine. "Let me summarize my feelings toward Asian values: Fuck filial
piety. Fuck grade grubbing. Fuck Ivy League mania. Fuck deference to
authority. Fuck humility and hard work. Fuck harmonious relations. Fuck
sacrificing for the future. Fuck earnest, striving middle-class servility,"
he says.
And. Fuck. Yes. To. This.
My mother (born and raised in China) is obsessed with career "steps" and "
paths" and working for this magical future that I doubt exists. It’s like
New Age self-help for middle-class strivers. She can't fathom that I'm a
freelancer by choice and constantly laments "that economy."
The physical attributes of my ideal man? If we're being stereotypical about
it, well, I like geeky, scrawny and without muscles. I like effeminate. Also
, did I mention that Daniel Liu is fucking HOT?
And if we're talking about this, plenty of white guys have tiny penises. And
I'm sure not all Asian guys have tiny penises. (Though, I'd have to sleep
with some to find out for sure.) So really, not a physical thing.
Clearly, it's not those stereotypes.
Even if a charming, funny, intellectually curious, in so many words perfect
man who has untied himself from the chains of Asian virtues came down my way
-- even you, Daniel Liu whose hotness is practically a law of physics -- I
would probably pass.
Partly, it's because I can date non-Asian dudes. More of me and other "
racist"-against-other-Asian-men Asian women live in communities with people
of other races. More of us attend those bastions of liberal thought mingling
with other young, upwardly mobile types of colleges. More of us are in well
-paying jobs, which expose us to people outside our ethnic enclaves.
But it's also because we still see ourselves as minorities, immigrants,
outsiders. And we want the same thing new residents of America have wanted
for hundreds of years: To be true Americans. Even among American-born people
of Asian descent, only 28 percent describe themselves as "Americans."
I was born in Beijing to Chinese parents and emigrated to the U.S. when I
was three. I don't have an accent. Aside from my very Midwestern one. My
Italian cooking skills are far superior to my Chinese ones. My Spanish is
better than my Chinese. My closet is filled with J. Crew and a healthy dash
of Tommy Hilfiger and Ralph Lauren.
My pale, white-bread boyfriend jokes that I'm one of the whitest people he's
ever met. And that's probably not by accident.
I date white men because the term "model minority" grosses me out. I date
white men because it feels like I'm not ostracizing myself into an Asian
ghetto and antiquated ideas of Asian unity. I still see myself as a minority
. And with that, pretty soon comes connotations of "outsider." And I don't
like that.
Dating white men means acceptance into American culture. White culture.
I realize my thinking is fucked up. I get that. But as long as men tell me
over dinner, "I've always wanted to be with an Asian girl" and then still
think they're getting laid, and as long as during beauty countdowns white
girls are called "beauties" and Asian girls are called "exotic beauties" --
well, then white will still be the societal standard.
And yes, I am Asian, but I'm drinking the same Kool-Aid as everyone else.
Junot Diaz describes it as white supremacy. The idea that white is still
tops, SAT scores, corporate jobs and fancy degrees be damned.
In the Boston Review, Diaz says: "And yet here’s the rub: if a critique of
white supremacy doesn’t first flow through you, doesn’t first implicate
you, then you have missed the mark; you have, in fact, almost guaranteed its
survival and reproduction. There’s that old saying: the devil’s greatest
trick is that he convinced people that he doesn’t exist. Well, white
supremacy’s greatest trick is that it has convinced people that, if it
exists at all, it exists always in other people, never in us."
So here it is: I am racist. I'd rather not be. I'd much rather be swept up
into that beautiful land of racially ambiguous beauties. But for now, I will
not and will never date one of my "people."
Posted in It Happened To Me, pew, jenny an, asian men, asian women,
patriarchy |
c******i
发帖数: 4091 | 2 这个女娃主要的逻辑错误就是把所有文化糟粕都归于中国文化，而所有先进文化都归于
白色文化。其实其所举的糟粕例子完全是不分种族国家到处都有的。
只说一点，大陆出来的夫妇俩，各有各姓。这算不算男权至上？这个女娃自己也说自己
的mind fucked up，无法自拔哉。。。 |
m**k
发帖数: 18660 | 3 男娃才担心吧。。
【在 c******i 的大作中提到】
: 这个女娃主要的逻辑错误就是把所有文化糟粕都归于中国文化，而所有先进文化都归于
: 白色文化。其实其所举的糟粕例子完全是不分种族国家到处都有的。
: 只说一点，大陆出来的夫妇俩，各有各姓。这算不算男权至上？这个女娃自己也说自己
: 的mind fucked up，无法自拔哉。。。
|
c******i
发帖数: 4091 | 4 只要后清不闭关锁国，米国不取消中国的留学签证，源源不断的人才来米国，有啥好担
心的？
关键男娃自己要有出息。
【在 m**k 的大作中提到】
: 男娃才担心吧。。
|
m*****8
发帖数: 4059 | 5 在主流文化下自我认知有问题可以理解，但是自恨到这种地步只能说教育失败，大大悲
哀。
Asian
date
【在 c******i 的大作中提到】
: I'm an Asian Woman and I Refuse to Ever Date an Asian Man
: It has nothing to do with skin color. It has everything to do with
: patriarchy. And guess what? More and more “racist”-against-Asian-men Asian
: women are getting on the white boy bandwagon.
: Jenny An
: Aug 31, 2012 at 1:00pm | Leave a comment
: I'm an Asian girl. I don't date Asian guys. Yep, I'm one of those that date
: lots and lots of (mostly, but not always) white guys.
: Why? It's simple: I'm a racist.
: Yep, I said it.
|
J*******p
发帖数: 1129 | 6
是很悲哀。你说的教育是指parenting吧？感觉这个女的讲得很情绪化。这样子的自恨
不外和这些有关吧：
1）和自己父母的关系；2）她父母对自己身份的认知；3）她对自己从小到大的经历的
解读。
【在 m*****8 的大作中提到】
: 在主流文化下自我认知有问题可以理解，但是自恨到这种地步只能说教育失败，大大悲
: 哀。
:
: Asian
: date
|
m*********e
发帖数: 944 | 7 这个和那个自己是犹太人却非要当新纳粹的故事有的一比。那个故事没有读过，具体不
知道，有没有读过的给对比一下。
这个女孩说自己fucked up, 为什么呢？She knows what to do but couldn't accept
it. 我看她自己在逃避现实。 |
g******n
发帖数: 53185 | 8 没办法中国文化自古以来鄙视体力劳动，出国留学的男人大部分缺乏些男人味儿，健身
房里也很少看见中国成年男人练肌肉。羽毛球馆里倒是人山人海，一群大老爷们拿着小
细杆子蹦来跳去不亦乐乎。ABC男孩从小就被推钢琴推画画各种课外班，推体育的少，
就算推也不使劲。这样的男孩书呆子多，长大了想结婚也只能接白人黑人玩剩下的盘。 |
c**********N
发帖数: 1273 | 9 我就教育我家孩子， 咱中国人的肤色是最健康的，夏天 颜色可以变深些， 保护皮肤
不受紫外线伤害，冬天有变白可以接受更多紫外线来帮助身体制造Vitamin D.
白皮肤因为缺乏色素义的皮肤癌，黑皮肤的容易缺钙。因为咱拥有最健康的皮肤，所以
我们亚裔看起来更年轻。
我还告诉我女儿，白雪公主的黑头发像她，很漂亮。 |
c*******k
发帖数: 1308 | 10 我觉得是她不认同的是她父母的观念，生活方式，等等，然后就认为Asian都这样。这
也可算是逆反心理的一种。
一般来说，女孩子容易喜欢两类人，很象爸爸的和与爸爸完全相反的。我自己就是选择
了与爸爸完全相反的，因为我完全不认同父母的生活方式。我希望我女儿大了能选择性
格象她爸爸的男性，当然我也不知道她长大了会怎么样。 |
|
|
i*******t
发帖数: 499 | 11 不错。的确是父母教育失败。
如果认同父母的价值观也就会找像父母那样的人。
对父母反感当然就会找相反的。
【在 c*******k 的大作中提到】
: 我觉得是她不认同的是她父母的观念，生活方式，等等，然后就认为Asian都这样。这
: 也可算是逆反心理的一种。
: 一般来说，女孩子容易喜欢两类人，很象爸爸的和与爸爸完全相反的。我自己就是选择
: 了与爸爸完全相反的，因为我完全不认同父母的生活方式。我希望我女儿大了能选择性
: 格象她爸爸的男性，当然我也不知道她长大了会怎么样。
|
l*******r
发帖数: 448 | 12 Re
【在 i*******t 的大作中提到】
: 不错。的确是父母教育失败。
: 如果认同父母的价值观也就会找像父母那样的人。
: 对父母反感当然就会找相反的。
|
c******f
发帖数: 2144 | 13 你这个教的太好了 而且都是事实
以后是要这么教娃
老美同事一出门 拼命擦防晒
【在 c**********N 的大作中提到】
: 我就教育我家孩子， 咱中国人的肤色是最健康的，夏天 颜色可以变深些， 保护皮肤
: 不受紫外线伤害，冬天有变白可以接受更多紫外线来帮助身体制造Vitamin D.
: 白皮肤因为缺乏色素义的皮肤癌，黑皮肤的容易缺钙。因为咱拥有最健康的皮肤，所以
: 我们亚裔看起来更年轻。
: 我还告诉我女儿，白雪公主的黑头发像她，很漂亮。
|
q****i
发帖数: 6923 | 14 z最不缺钙的就是非洲人
【在 c**********N 的大作中提到】
: 我就教育我家孩子， 咱中国人的肤色是最健康的，夏天 颜色可以变深些， 保护皮肤
: 不受紫外线伤害，冬天有变白可以接受更多紫外线来帮助身体制造Vitamin D.
: 白皮肤因为缺乏色素义的皮肤癌，黑皮肤的容易缺钙。因为咱拥有最健康的皮肤，所以
: 我们亚裔看起来更年轻。
: 我还告诉我女儿，白雪公主的黑头发像她，很漂亮。
|
s****7
发帖数: 1873 | 15 认同这个。这个是生活方式，价值观的选择，肤色只是载体。要想让孩子认同自己的价
值观，生活
方式等， 首先家长要混得比较成功才有可能。你说唐人街里底层华人，孩子教育得再
好在听话，能喜欢自己的文化么---和外面的世界对比以后？
所以我觉得abc最大的压力来源于家庭文化和整个美国社会文化的割裂。这也是我为什
么理解北大要积极靠拢美国文化，放弃中国传统思维---为了自己的社会地位，为了孩
子的感觉。
【在 c*******k 的大作中提到】
: 我觉得是她不认同的是她父母的观念，生活方式，等等，然后就认为Asian都这样。这
: 也可算是逆反心理的一种。
: 一般来说，女孩子容易喜欢两类人，很象爸爸的和与爸爸完全相反的。我自己就是选择
: 了与爸爸完全相反的，因为我完全不认同父母的生活方式。我希望我女儿大了能选择性
: 格象她爸爸的男性，当然我也不知道她长大了会怎么样。
|
a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 16 So parenting is very important, |
v*******e
发帖数: 11604 | 17 如果电影电视上亚裔都是萎缩丑恶形象，你再靠拢也没用，越靠拢小孩受伤越多。
【在 s****7 的大作中提到】
: 认同这个。这个是生活方式，价值观的选择，肤色只是载体。要想让孩子认同自己的价
: 值观，生活
: 方式等， 首先家长要混得比较成功才有可能。你说唐人街里底层华人，孩子教育得再
: 好在听话，能喜欢自己的文化么---和外面的世界对比以后？
: 所以我觉得abc最大的压力来源于家庭文化和整个美国社会文化的割裂。这也是我为什
: 么理解北大要积极靠拢美国文化，放弃中国传统思维---为了自己的社会地位，为了孩
: 子的感觉。
|
b********i
发帖数: 10335 | 18 你似乎忽略了或者混淆了为人父母或者所谓家庭文化的另一个作用，就是对于孩子个体
的性格培养/人品道德等的养成。
一些人性上基本的好的东西，跟是哪国的文化，区别不大。
打个比方，比如做人要自尊自爱，坚强独立，善良，正义，诚实，宽容，等等。。。
就算假设你的说法正确，唐人街底层也只是一部分吧。那唐人街上层呢？就是另一种文
化？
那中国国内的底层呢？中国国内的中层呢？上层呢？算什么文化？
【在 s****7 的大作中提到】
: 认同这个。这个是生活方式，价值观的选择，肤色只是载体。要想让孩子认同自己的价
: 值观，生活
: 方式等， 首先家长要混得比较成功才有可能。你说唐人街里底层华人，孩子教育得再
: 好在听话，能喜欢自己的文化么---和外面的世界对比以后？
: 所以我觉得abc最大的压力来源于家庭文化和整个美国社会文化的割裂。这也是我为什
: 么理解北大要积极靠拢美国文化，放弃中国传统思维---为了自己的社会地位，为了孩
: 子的感觉。
|
