a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 1 我请妈妈来这里和我们住,但要求她必须对孙女说些积极上进的话,她不能打击她.
我妈妈说为什么不,打击她,指出弊病,对孩子只是好的,她可以改善.我现在不是生活得好
好吗?
我不能同意她, 我在这种精神打击中长大,我希望我女儿能成为一个自信的人. | c*******e
发帖数: 9475 | 2 我觉得MM你多虑了。人老了，思维跟年轻时非常不一样的。对待
自己的子女和对待孙子女，完全是两码事。对自己子女非常严格
的父母，到做了祖辈时就对孙辈百般溺爱，这种例子太多了。相
信你妈妈对你女儿不会像当年对你一样的。 | a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 3 Thanks, my mom already mentions and points out that my daughter's nose is
too flat and forehead is too big. It is just her personality, she loves to
focus on negative side. She always do the same thing to me, and it seems
she is already doing it to her only granddaughter : (
Recently, i start to tell her how i feel about my defeat of confidence in my childhood year, and she never understands the importance to build up the confidence in the early age of life. Of course, i am doing well in her s
【在 c*******e 的大作中提到】
: 我觉得MM你多虑了。人老了，思维跟年轻时非常不一样的。对待
: 自己的子女和对待孙子女，完全是两码事。对自己子女非常严格
: 的父母，到做了祖辈时就对孙辈百般溺爱，这种例子太多了。相
: 信你妈妈对你女儿不会像当年对你一样的。
| w*********y
发帖数: 7895 | 4 既然这样，你就不该让你妈妈过来。
to
【在 a***8 的大作中提到】
: Thanks, my mom already mentions and points out that my daughter's nose is
: too flat and forehead is too big. It is just her personality, she loves to
: focus on negative side. She always do the same thing to me, and it seems
: she is already doing it to her only granddaughter : (
: Recently, i start to tell her how i feel about my defeat of confidence in my childhood year, and she never understands the importance to build up the confidence in the early age of life. Of course, i am doing well in her s
| b*********s
发帖数: 501 | 5 I fully understand your feeling. My mom did the samething to me for more
than 30 years. She did that so intensively that I sometimes hated her. I
know, I should not hate her. But she did hurt me so deeply abd ruined my
life. She feels just happy when talks about negative things about her family
members.
So this is why I do not want my mom to raise me kids.
to
【在 a***8 的大作中提到】
: Thanks, my mom already mentions and points out that my daughter's nose is
: too flat and forehead is too big. It is just her personality, she loves to
: focus on negative side. She always do the same thing to me, and it seems
: she is already doing it to her only granddaughter : (
: Recently, i start to tell her how i feel about my defeat of confidence in my childhood year, and she never understands the importance to build up the confidence in the early age of life. Of course, i am doing well in her s
| A********2
发帖数: 4075 | 6 我妈就这样~小时候一直被打击的有点自卑，
长大了以后有时候说妈妈你能不能不要老打击我，
我妈说别人都说你好，我再说你好你就会太得意了，
没人指出缺点怎么行~
当然我还是很宠我妈妈的，她爱怎么样就怎么样吧，哈哈 | a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 7 I need to let her to live with us, she is too longly live in China now, and
i am the only child.
I always hope some magic happens to change her personality. I am so naive...
【在 w*********y 的大作中提到】
: 既然这样，你就不该让你妈妈过来。
:
: to
| w****a
发帖数: 3231 | 8 恩，我妈妈也是的，从小批评我，弄得我很没有自信。
我和我妈妈好好谈了在我女儿出生前，我妈妈还是没有啥么改变，对我。哈，但是我妈
对我女儿完全没有免疫力，就算要批评女儿，哈，这个小孩把我妈的话当做耳防风。我
妈也只好作罢了。
【在 c*******e 的大作中提到】
: 我觉得MM你多虑了。人老了，思维跟年轻时非常不一样的。对待
: 自己的子女和对待孙子女，完全是两码事。对自己子女非常严格
: 的父母，到做了祖辈时就对孙辈百般溺爱，这种例子太多了。相
: 信你妈妈对你女儿不会像当年对你一样的。
| a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 9 Thanks MMs for your experiences, sounds like some moms just like my mom.
Last time, I went to visit her in China for two weeks, it should be very
perious time spending with her, but somehow she ruined it again, she pointed
out my forehead is too big, and should have some hair to cover it, and said
if i look ugly my LG might dump it. It is so depressing to talk to her in
indeed. | w*********y
发帖数: 7895 | 10 期望他人改变本来就是不正常的期待。不过，如果你妈妈爱你和你的孩子的话，
你还是可以和她磨合的，慢慢教她你的教育理念和你的BOTTOM LINE，甚至可以
对她说，她的NEGATIVE的说法在美国是违法的，因为是精神上的ABUSE。你的小孩
知道事情的时候，可以打911报警的。或者你的邻居看到，也可能会报警的。
但这个是个很慢的过程，你自己也要有耐心。
and
...
【在 a***8 的大作中提到】
: I need to let her to live with us, she is too longly live in China now, and
: i am the only child.
: I always hope some magic happens to change her personality. I am so naive...
| | | l****i
发帖数: 1758 | 11 我妈从小打击我， 说我没她长的好看。 虽然是事实， 不过也没必要老说吧。而且我
发现我妈总能说到我的痛处， 什么不好听说什么。反正非常容易和她吵起来。 还好，
我爸爸总夸我，所以我既有抗打击能力，也不自卑。
我觉得老人家的性格是没法改变的， 只要你适当地引导下， 还有让宝宝知道外婆这么
说她不是不喜欢她， 而只是她对谁都这样应该就OK了。 | a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 12 I know, she has been live in negative thinking for 60 years, it is closed to
impossible to change her.
Thanks for your suggestion, it might work for her, since she is afraid of
breaking the laws.
【在 w*********y 的大作中提到】
: 期望他人改变本来就是不正常的期待。不过，如果你妈妈爱你和你的孩子的话，
: 你还是可以和她磨合的，慢慢教她你的教育理念和你的BOTTOM LINE，甚至可以
: 对她说，她的NEGATIVE的说法在美国是违法的，因为是精神上的ABUSE。你的小孩
: 知道事情的时候，可以打911报警的。或者你的邻居看到，也可能会报警的。
: 但这个是个很慢的过程，你自己也要有耐心。
:
: and
: ...
| a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 13 Yes, at least your dad build up your confidence. My dad is somehow better
than my mom, but still he was lack of confident. My LG and my in laws are
all working hard to rebuild my confidence.
【在 l****i 的大作中提到】
: 我妈从小打击我， 说我没她长的好看。 虽然是事实， 不过也没必要老说吧。而且我
: 发现我妈总能说到我的痛处， 什么不好听说什么。反正非常容易和她吵起来。 还好，
: 我爸爸总夸我，所以我既有抗打击能力，也不自卑。
: 我觉得老人家的性格是没法改变的， 只要你适当地引导下， 还有让宝宝知道外婆这么
: 说她不是不喜欢她， 而只是她对谁都这样应该就OK了。
| m****y
发帖数: 3437 | 14 哇,如果我不是独生子女的话,我该怀疑我们是姐妹了.我妈也是这样的,永远只说缺点.
我后来问过她,在她眼里我有优点吗,她说优点就没必要总说了.可怜我的青少年时期就
这么被打击完了.
好在我遇到了我LG,从来都不遗余力地表扬我的优点.我后来的心态就健康多了.LG有时
侯会表扬一下自己,说:"如果不是我,你都不会意识到你是多么优秀的女人.看来我要感
谢你妈,你要是早知道的话,我就追不到你了!"
我现在都不遗余力地表扬我的孩子们.
to
my childhood year, and she never understands the importance to build up the
confidence in the early age of life. Of course, i am doing well in her
standard now. But deep down my heart, i am still lack of confident, i think
i am not that good compared to others.
happy.
【在 a***8 的大作中提到】
: Thanks, my mom already mentions and points out that my daughter's nose is
: too flat and forehead is too big. It is just her personality, she loves to
: focus on negative side. She always do the same thing to me, and it seems
: she is already doing it to her only granddaughter : (
: Recently, i start to tell her how i feel about my defeat of confidence in my childhood year, and she never understands the importance to build up the confidence in the early age of life. Of course, i am doing well in her s
| c*******e
发帖数: 9475 | 15 抱抱MM，小时候受委屈了。看得出你妈妈很关心你，只是她的性格
如此，这个很难改变，只能你去包容她了。你现在已经长大了，可
以忽视她说的话，就把她当个小孩子好了。你的女儿需要你去保护，
如果觉得你妈妈对孩子说的话过分要好好跟她谈。
【在 a***8 的大作中提到】
: Thanks MMs for your experiences, sounds like some moms just like my mom.
: Last time, I went to visit her in China for two weeks, it should be very
: perious time spending with her, but somehow she ruined it again, she pointed
: out my forehead is too big, and should have some hair to cover it, and said
: if i look ugly my LG might dump it. It is so depressing to talk to her in
: indeed.
| a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 16 Hoho, hand hand. My LG and his family is so busy to build up my confident,
he will tell me i am smart, cute and a good chef.
the
【在 m****y 的大作中提到】
: 哇,如果我不是独生子女的话,我该怀疑我们是姐妹了.我妈也是这样的,永远只说缺点.
: 我后来问过她,在她眼里我有优点吗,她说优点就没必要总说了.可怜我的青少年时期就
: 这么被打击完了.
: 好在我遇到了我LG,从来都不遗余力地表扬我的优点.我后来的心态就健康多了.LG有时
: 侯会表扬一下自己,说:"如果不是我,你都不会意识到你是多么优秀的女人.看来我要感
: 谢你妈,你要是早知道的话,我就追不到你了!"
: 我现在都不遗余力地表扬我的孩子们.
:
: to
: my childhood year, and she never understands the importance to build up the
| a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 17 Yes, she cares about me a lot, and i know she loves me and my daughter. It
is just to way she express her feeling is wrong, i discussed with her this
matter, but she never realizes it is a problem.
Back in the days, when we first moved to HK, due to the easy enrollment for primary school, she enrolled me to the worst primary school in the area, and i got treated by other classmates and teachers so badly. Recently, i told my mom i need to send my daughter into good school and good school zone, a
【在 c*******e 的大作中提到】
: 抱抱MM，小时候受委屈了。看得出你妈妈很关心你，只是她的性格
: 如此，这个很难改变，只能你去包容她了。你现在已经长大了，可
: 以忽视她说的话，就把她当个小孩子好了。你的女儿需要你去保护，
: 如果觉得你妈妈对孩子说的话过分要好好跟她谈。
| m****y
发帖数: 3437 | 18 So you don't need to think "what if" about your Mom any more. Our Moms did
not mean to hurt us, although they certainly did. Now that we got
compensated by having a good Hubby, we'll need to let it go. Thanks goodness
for good men.
,
【在 a***8 的大作中提到】
: Hoho, hand hand. My LG and his family is so busy to build up my confident,
: he will tell me i am smart, cute and a good chef.
:
: the
| l****i
发帖数: 1758 | 19 是的， 这个我觉得真的很难改变。大人的性格已经是那样了， 没法改的。 比如小时
候我一个人在家， 然后很乖地淘米做饭。 可是如果是我妈妈先回来了， 一定不会表
扬我帮他们淘米做饭， 而是先说， 你怎么把厨房搞的乱七八糟的。而且如果我说我好
心帮你们做饭了呀。她还会说什么， 谁要你瞎起劲。可是如果是我爸爸先回来了， 一
定是先大大地表扬我，当然也会说， 下次记得不要把厨房弄的那么乱，而且他还喜欢
教我一起做事情。而我妈妈就知道要我读书！
虽然我知道我妈妈很爱我， 对我关怀起来无微不至， 不过她的方式实在让人难以接受
。小时候我很在乎她的话， 后来就当没听见了。
很好， 你LG和IN LAWS很挺你啊。 我看到过你的全家福的， VERY HAPPY FAMILY！ 好
好和你妈妈沟通沟通， 还有尽量不要把她的话放心上就好了。
【在 a***8 的大作中提到】
: Yes, at least your dad build up your confidence. My dad is somehow better
: than my mom, but still he was lack of confident. My LG and my in laws are
: all working hard to rebuild my confidence.
| c*******e
发帖数: 9475 | 20 MM很坚强，赞一个。你跟你妈妈谈过小时候受的伤吗？可能她想象
不出你受的伤害有多重。她只看到你现在过得不错，但是你可以跟
她讲你的心理阴影，以及她欠你一个道歉。你需要让她知道如果缺
少这个道歉，你们母女之间永远是有阴影的
is just to way she express her feeling is wrong, i discussed with her this
【在 a***8 的大作中提到】
: Yes, she cares about me a lot, and i know she loves me and my daughter. It
: is just to way she express her feeling is wrong, i discussed with her this
: matter, but she never realizes it is a problem.
: Back in the days, when we first moved to HK, due to the easy enrollment for primary school, she enrolled me to the worst primary school in the area, and i got treated by other classmates and teachers so badly. Recently, i told my mom i need to send my daughter into good school and good school zone, a
| | | a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 21 After i wrote my story, i feel such a relief and i want to cry. (But i can't
do it, i am in my work desk). I never want to tell my mom how bad it hurts
me in details, i don't want her to feel sad, and as her generation, she
think what i went through is nothing compared to what she experienced in the
cultural revolution in the late 1960 and early 1970. I were just a spoil
little kid in her eyes.
this
【在 c*******e 的大作中提到】
: MM很坚强，赞一个。你跟你妈妈谈过小时候受的伤吗？可能她想象
: 不出你受的伤害有多重。她只看到你现在过得不错，但是你可以跟
: 她讲你的心理阴影，以及她欠你一个道歉。你需要让她知道如果缺
: 少这个道歉，你们母女之间永远是有阴影的
:
: is just to way she express her feeling is wrong, i discussed with her this
| a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 22 May be i treat here as my tree hole, i feel better to speak up... | d********y
发帖数: 2114 | | y*******u
发帖数: 1715 | 24 我觉得老一辈里很多妈妈都有这个习惯，哪怕心里对孩子喜欢/得意得很，口头还是要
打击。不知道这种口是心非的传统是怎么来的。。。 | y*******u
发帖数: 1715 | 25 呃。。。下次她再这样打击你，你就告诉她，这还不都是她这个当妈的错，呵呵。
pointed
said
in
【在 a***8 的大作中提到】
: Thanks MMs for your experiences, sounds like some moms just like my mom.
: Last time, I went to visit her in China for two weeks, it should be very
: perious time spending with her, but somehow she ruined it again, she pointed
: out my forehead is too big, and should have some hair to cover it, and said
: if i look ugly my LG might dump it. It is so depressing to talk to her in
: indeed.
| D******a
发帖数: 1621 | 26 中国的老一辈人就是喜欢这样，所以好多中国人都不如西人开朗自信。年轻一辈的人，
是受了西风影响，希望孩子在积极的环境中长大。我还是支持楼主从小培养孩子的自信
心。当外婆的必须听当妈妈的 - 关于教育孩子方面。 | z*******u
发帖数: 831 | 27 分人吧。
我是在打击中长大的，我爸我妈我奶奶都喜欢打击我。
我lg是赞美大的，我婆婆到现在说起儿子来都是“特别、格外、非常/懂事、听话。。
。”
我反正是和我妈说好了，有问题背后和我说，不许当着孩子和lg面说不好的东西。我妈
颇不满，呵呵。 | a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 28 Yes, we all need to provide our children a postive environment to grow up,
give them a happy childhood to remember. I do think i spend more than with
my daughter. We don't want to do the same wrong things as our parents did to
us. | a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 29 Hehe, same as my LG, his parents and grandma always compliment his IQ, and
tell him how good he is, so he is a happier and postive person.
【在 z*******u 的大作中提到】
: 分人吧。
: 我是在打击中长大的，我爸我妈我奶奶都喜欢打击我。
: 我lg是赞美大的，我婆婆到现在说起儿子来都是“特别、格外、非常/懂事、听话。。
: 。”
: 我反正是和我妈说好了，有问题背后和我说，不许当着孩子和lg面说不好的东西。我妈
: 颇不满，呵呵。
| h***y
发帖数: 10334 | 30 哎....从小就被家里所以人鼓励着..个个都表扬我....弄的长大以后我自信心超级膨胀
..在学校里经常被老师写的评语是"在生活和学习上不够谦虚". NND. | | | h***y
发帖数: 10334 | 31 应该学会自动过滤别人的话...好听的就听..不好听的就"没听见".那样你就会快乐很多.
to
my childhood year, and she never understands the importance to build up the
confidence in the early age of life. Of course, i am doing well in her
standard now. But deep down my heart, i am still lack of confident, i think
i am not that good compared to others.
happy.
【在 a***8 的大作中提到】
: Thanks, my mom already mentions and points out that my daughter's nose is
: too flat and forehead is too big. It is just her personality, she loves to
: focus on negative side. She always do the same thing to me, and it seems
: she is already doing it to her only granddaughter : (
: Recently, i start to tell her how i feel about my defeat of confidence in my childhood year, and she never understands the importance to build up the confidence in the early age of life. Of course, i am doing well in her s
| n**********n
发帖数: 532 | 32 很理解你。
我父母也是。
我妈妈常说的是“我说你是为了你好。有则改之，无则加勉”。而且喜欢把我的短处和
别人的长处比。比如说不比学习，比谁谁谁家的孩子周末放假回来洗被子晒被子。
我挺能理解她的，担心我会自满，担心我自信心膨胀走上社会上后一旦碰上挫折会不能
承受。可是这个度真的很难把握呀，一不小心小孩就缺乏自信了。
不知道是来了美国还是走出学校开始工作的原因，发现自信心太重要了。看看美国同事
们一个个说话掷地有声，其实也没说什么了不起的观点，但是说话的气势就让人觉得牛
，有想法有见解。而一旦不自信就让人瞧不起了。
得好
【在 a***8 的大作中提到】
: 我请妈妈来这里和我们住,但要求她必须对孙女说些积极上进的话,她不能打击她.
: 我妈妈说为什么不,打击她,指出弊病,对孩子只是好的,她可以改善.我现在不是生活得好
: 好吗?
: 我不能同意她, 我在这种精神打击中长大,我希望我女儿能成为一个自信的人.
| a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 33 Good for you : )
【在 h***y 的大作中提到】
: 哎....从小就被家里所以人鼓励着..个个都表扬我....弄的长大以后我自信心超级膨胀
: ..在学校里经常被老师写的评语是"在生活和学习上不够谦虚". NND.
| a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 34 Yes, i realized the importance of being confidend when i went for the job
interviews, i just could not sell myself as good as the confident Americans do,
even some so so ability people can get a job by selling good in the job interview, of course i know green card, work experience, and English skill are also important to get a job, but marketing skill and confidence can leave good impression to the potential employer as well.
【在 n**********n 的大作中提到】
: 很理解你。
: 我父母也是。
: 我妈妈常说的是“我说你是为了你好。有则改之，无则加勉”。而且喜欢把我的短处和
: 别人的长处比。比如说不比学习，比谁谁谁家的孩子周末放假回来洗被子晒被子。
: 我挺能理解她的，担心我会自满，担心我自信心膨胀走上社会上后一旦碰上挫折会不能
: 承受。可是这个度真的很难把握呀，一不小心小孩就缺乏自信了。
: 不知道是来了美国还是走出学校开始工作的原因，发现自信心太重要了。看看美国同事
: 们一个个说话掷地有声，其实也没说什么了不起的观点，但是说话的气势就让人觉得牛
: ，有想法有见解。而一旦不自信就让人瞧不起了。
:
| w*********y
发帖数: 7895 | 35 其实我们家也是以批评为主,从来不表扬什么的. 而我妈妈有时候说话很恶劣,
自己说的话, 伤害了人, 就说自己说话不经脑, 让大家不要和她计较. 可是自己
说的, 我看她说的很爽. 所以我一直都不自信. 后来结婚后,我LG从来不说我不好,
只会说, 我们看待这个问题应该这么看这类的. 而且常常会表扬我是个完美
LP. (PS. 我觉的自己最多70分LP吧). 所以我现在好一些. 但仍然会受我妈妈语言
影响,自己会不高兴.
【在 a***8 的大作中提到】
: Good for you : )
| a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 36 Yes, we all should learn how to filter the negative comments, and only take
the postive comment.
At least our LGs are treating us good, and always encourage us to be good.
【在 w*********y 的大作中提到】
: 其实我们家也是以批评为主,从来不表扬什么的. 而我妈妈有时候说话很恶劣,
: 自己说的话, 伤害了人, 就说自己说话不经脑, 让大家不要和她计较. 可是自己
: 说的, 我看她说的很爽. 所以我一直都不自信. 后来结婚后,我LG从来不说我不好,
: 只会说, 我们看待这个问题应该这么看这类的. 而且常常会表扬我是个完美
: LP. (PS. 我觉的自己最多70分LP吧). 所以我现在好一些. 但仍然会受我妈妈语言
: 影响,自己会不高兴.
| v*****1
发帖数: 3980 | 37 我也从小被我妈打击, 昨天去机场接她一见面居然说我变丑了 = =!! | Y****a
发帖数: 796 | 38 Your mom is an old bitch.
let her stay where she belongs. | a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 39 Hey, please be nice.
【在 Y****a 的大作中提到】
: Your mom is an old bitch.
: let her stay where she belongs.
| a***8
发帖数: 4735 | 40 JMS any more comments and shares of ideas. | | | r******i
发帖数: 2662 | 41 同病相怜的姐妹还真多。。。
反正我是不情愿让我妈帮我教养孩子的，态度太负面心又太狠，且不说给我从小到大的
心灵创伤，就看她现在对我小侄女儿的态度。。。 |
|
