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发帖数: 529 | 1 【 以下文字转载自 Joke 讨论区 】
发信人: softhugger (softhugger), 信区: Joke
标 题: Reading the reviews of Time Warner Cable on YELP just made
关键字: TWC crap
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Tue Mar 12 17:03:36 2013, 美东)
http://www.yelp.com/biz/time-warner-cable-new-york-2
Raven B.
Brooklyn, NY
1.0 star rating
2/25/2013
Oh my god. Oh. My. Gawd. I don't know where to start. I guess I should start
with me: I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot because I've been with Time Warner for
7 years even though I knew they were terrible from the first week. That's
like being in a 7 year relationship with somebody you knew you hated the
moment you met them. So I'm stupid. But Time Warner? They're evil. No, not
evil, they're DIABOLICAL as in: they embody the aspect of the Devil.
What's so bad about them? I guess first and foremost is that their service
simply doesn't work. I mean, it's not really a service. A "service" would
imply that it provides something to you. All Time Warner provides is a
reason to be angry. With Time Warner you get internet around 40% of the time
. Would you go to a restaurant where you got service 40% of the time? Would
you ride in an airplane that only worked 40% of the time? No, you wouldn't!
Not unless you were so stupid that you literally deserved to die. Why on
earth would you settle for an internet provider that only worked 40% of the
time?
At least Time Warner has a motive: they are sadistic and hate their
customers and so they want them to be forced to experience the next rung of
their hellish gauntlet: customer service.
Once you eventually go insane and call customer service because your
internet isn't working you are subjected to a voice recording that claims
to understand full sentences but actually does not. After about 5 minutes of
yelling at a machine you are eventually transferred to a meek, soulless
little man who Time Warner employs as a human shield. This man has no
knowledge or power. His entire job is to:
A.) Temper your rage against Time Warner by being so pitiful and miserable
and ignorant that you start to feel sorry for him instead of being furious
at his hateful masters and
B.) Draw out the call as long as possible in order to drain your vitality
and endurance.
If you are able to make it past this man, you will be placed on hold again
for anywhere between 5 and 20 minutes.
Should you decide to not hang up you will eventually reach an advanced "
Technical Expert". These people have been instructed by Time Warner to use
passive aggressive techniques and tedious troubleshooting walkthroughs to
exhaust your momentum and cause you to question your own sanity. If you have
a 3rd party router they will treat you like a rapist.
If you make it past these people Time Warner will play its trump card and
set up an appointment with a technician to come out and physically swap out
your faulty, broken modem for another, identical faulty, broken modem. (I
believe The technicians use the old modems to swap out for the next broken
modem in the chain).
This does nothing other than to set in motion ROUND 2 which essentially
consists of running the above circuit again only with slightly different
people and with slightly less energy. In this way Time Warner slowly bleeds
you dry until you eventually become too tired and give up and end up writing
a three page Yelp review instead of actually taking to the streets.
I hate you Time Warner. I hate you with every fiber of my living being. My
family hates you. My kids will hate you and God willing my descendants will
find a way to stop you. May your empire crumble and your servers be consumed
with the fire of the righteous.
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