w**********5
发帖数: 1741 | 1 Anguished English: Silly Metaphors & Analogies
This is more hilarious than any comedy!..
Every year, English teachers from across the USA can
submit their collections of actual analogies and
metaphors found in high school essays.
These excerpts are published each year to the
amusement of teachers across the country. Here are
last year's winners.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had
its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and
breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without
Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
experience, like a guy who went blind because he
looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli,
and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that
sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as
a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond
exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like
a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole
scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're
on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at
7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair
after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed
lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other
like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at
6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
at 4:19 p.m. At a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob
informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a
steel trap, only one that had been left out so long,
it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil.
But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you
get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical
lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually
lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and
extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a
fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing
kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought
he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing
up. | w*******g
发帖数: 9932 | | w*******g
发帖数: 9932 | 3 Don't delete this. I have collected this post. This is gold.
【在 w**********5 的大作中提到】
: Anguished English: Silly Metaphors & Analogies
: This is more hilarious than any comedy!..
: Every year, English teachers from across the USA can
: submit their collections of actual analogies and
: metaphors found in high school essays.
: These excerpts are published each year to the
: amusement of teachers across the country. Here are
: last year's winners.
: 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had
: its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
| z***i
发帖数: 8285 | 4 术版有。这里一会儿就被淹不见了
【在 w*******g 的大作中提到】
: Don't delete this. I have collected this post. This is gold.
| w*******g
发帖数: 9932 | 5 谢谢。 这里的”人“学术不错， ”学术“太差。
【在 z***i 的大作中提到】
: 术版有。这里一会儿就被淹不见了
| w**********5
发帖数: 1741 | 6 黑命贵创始人之一，狠捞了一笔之后，搬到了白得不能再白的地区安家落户了 靠近著
名的Malibu，白人超过82%，黑人只占1.6%！在加州，白人这么集中的地方已经不多了
，偏偏就被她挑中，心甘情愿去跟压迫她的人作邻居了。就算这里住着很多白左，为什
么要远离自己的族裔？有1.4M买房子，在黑人区花一半就够了，还能省下一半救济难兄
难弟，可是她不干，估计也不敢
我想到了“为人民服务”的裆猿，之前一再的说站在人民群众当中，但是它们从来都不
生活在“人民”最多的农村里、不生活在工厂宿舍里、不生活在农民建筑工地里、不生
活在留守儿童最多的大凉山之类的区域里……
它们都住在远离“人民群众”的地方去，而且大部分裆猿们都把它们的家人儿女移到它
们口中“水深火热”、“灭我之心不死”、“西方那一套不适合中国人”的西方民主社
会去去，为什么它们觉得水深火热呢？为什么它们不怕被西方民主国家灭了呢？为什么
它们又能适应得了“西方那一套不适合中国人”呢？
骗子是坏，但是相信它们并且与它们助纣为虐的是蠢逼、坏逼！！！ |
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