z**c
发帖数: 7595 | 1 我一同学的事情
他们的学校学风不是很浓 到期末更是没人来上课
话说我同学还是很听话的 有一节课就去上了
结果是可以容纳100号人的教室竟然就他一个人来了
老师看到他如此好学的精神 一感动说同学我给你画重点吧
极品的是我同学来了句 老师，我没带书。。。。 |
c*****a
发帖数: 1577 | |
z**c
发帖数: 7595 | 3 K! 这么恶心还不够恶心？！ 给你说个恶心的。
3个松鼠比赛谁拉的屎最有型。 第一个拉了个圆形的。 第二个拉了个椭圆型的。 第三
个拉了个五角星的！ 两个松鼠忙问第三个松鼠怎么能拉得那么酷。 第三个松鼠说：我
是用手捏的。
【在 c*****a 的大作中提到】
: 不恶心，很好笑
|
s*********n
发帖数: 1527 | 4 我听过的版本不是松鼠，是兔子。。。
【在 z**c 的大作中提到】
: K! 这么恶心还不够恶心？！ 给你说个恶心的。
: 3个松鼠比赛谁拉的屎最有型。 第一个拉了个圆形的。 第二个拉了个椭圆型的。 第三
: 个拉了个五角星的！ 两个松鼠忙问第三个松鼠怎么能拉得那么酷。 第三个松鼠说：我
: 是用手捏的。
|
c*****a
发帖数: 1577 | 5 还有没有？ 太搞笑了~~~~我怎么都没听过呢
【在 z**c 的大作中提到】
: K! 这么恶心还不够恶心？！ 给你说个恶心的。
: 3个松鼠比赛谁拉的屎最有型。 第一个拉了个圆形的。 第二个拉了个椭圆型的。 第三
: 个拉了个五角星的！ 两个松鼠忙问第三个松鼠怎么能拉得那么酷。 第三个松鼠说：我
: 是用手捏的。
|
s*x
发帖数: 3328 | 6 编的吧...生外孩子彻底没有了,怎么修补?
【在 z**c 的大作中提到】
: 我一同学的事情
: 他们的学校学风不是很浓 到期末更是没人来上课
: 话说我同学还是很听话的 有一节课就去上了
: 结果是可以容纳100号人的教室竟然就他一个人来了
: 老师看到他如此好学的精神 一感动说同学我给你画重点吧
: 极品的是我同学来了句 老师，我没带书。。。。
|
m********5
发帖数: 17667 | 7 When I was training my dog, whenever he did a shit or piss indoors I'd rub
his face in it.
I thought he was stupid for 2 years but now I'm starting to wonder if he
's just really kinky.
我试着训练我的狗。。每当它拉在家里，我就把它的脸按上去（好恶）。。。
两年了，我觉得它真是非常蠢，但是现在我开始觉得它就是个。。。
重口味啊！！！！！ |
m********5
发帖数: 17667 | 8 I read a story in the newspaper the other day about a Father who paid his
daughter for sex. I was absolutely disgusted.
What kind of daughter charges her own father?
那天我看报纸说，有个老爸给闺女钱嘿咻，真是太恶心了~
怎么会有女儿还收老爸钱的？ |
|
m********5
发帖数: 17667 | 9 i brought my girlfriend everywhere in the world
but the fucking bitch always found her way back!!
我带着女友走遍了世界各地~
但是这个臭女人总能自己找回来！！！ |
m********5
发帖数: 17667 | 10 My wife asked me how I could love her and still enjoy watching porn.
I told her, I love my car but I still watch Formula 1 too.
She was happy with this analogy
I just never mentioned I also go to Hertz for the occasional rental.
我老婆问我，为什么我可以爱着她的同时看毛片儿？
我回答，我爱我的车，也爱看F1 方程式呀~
她很喜这个类比。
只不过我没告诉她我偶尔也去Hertz租车行借个一两辆玩玩儿。 |
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m********5
发帖数: 17667 | 11 My girlfriend is so dirty. This afternoon she text me saying 'Hey babe, I'm
fingering atm :P xxx.'
Filthy bitch, who fingers cash machines
I'm fingering atm----
atm= at the moment =我正在手淫
atm= 取款机 = 我正给取款机手淫 |
m********5
发帖数: 17667 | 12 A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was
caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound
to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking
appendix out!"
八岁的Johnny被一个阿姨带到他家去找他妈告状：
“你儿子今天和我八岁大的女儿在玩医生护士的游戏，被我抓了个现行！”
张妈当时就内涵了，说，对孩子别那么严厉嘛，这个年纪肯定开始对性好奇了对吧。
“好奇你个辣椒啊，他把我闺女阑尾割了！” |
m********5
发帖数: 17667 | 13 I recently came out to my best friend and told him I was gay.
He turned his back on me... That was his first mistake.
我最近向我最好的朋友出柜了。
我告诉他我是个gay
他冷冷的转过身背对着我
这是他犯下的第一个错误。 |
m********5
发帖数: 17667 | 14 Japan news: Global penis length average grows as death toll rises.
日本新闻：随着死亡人数增长，全球JJ平均长度也有所增加。 |
m********5
发帖数: 17667 | 15 BBC News - British student dies two weeks after falling from a balcony in
Majorca.
Fuck, how high was that balcony!?
BBC 新闻- 英国男孩从阳台跌落，两周后死亡。
靠，这阳台是有多高啊！？
BBC News: 'Plus size women worth £10bn to the fashion industry'
Nothing compared to what they're worth to the food industry...
BBC 新闻：大尺码女性每年为时尚业贡献100亿英镑。
这比起她们对食品业的贡献都是个毛毛。
I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, "Please, think of my
children!"
Kinky bitch.
那晚我强奸一个女人的时候，她哭喊
“求你了，想想我的孩子”
这个婊子变态的啊~ |
m********5
发帖数: 17667 | 16 There was a survey on why men liked blowjobs - 5% liked the look, 15% liked
the feel and the other 80% liked the silence!
有一项调查指出为什么男人喜欢口活
5%觉得看着很爽
15%觉得感觉很爽
85%觉得世界终于安静了很爽。
My ex-girlfriend was raped at the weekend. It has devastated us and cost
us our relationship.
Looking back, asking, "Did you enjoy it?" and, "Was he better than me?"
were probably not the most sensitive things I've ever said.
我前女友上周末被强奸了。
这对我们的关系造成了致命的打击。
现在回想起来，“你当时爽吧？”和“他比我强吗？”好像还不是我问的最敏感的
问题。
My wife and I were at a restaurant last night. She thought I was being
romantic playing footsie with her under the table...
Thank fuck she didn't see me step in that massive dog shit outside.
我和老婆昨天晚上在餐厅吃饭。
她觉得我一直用脚在桌子下面撩拨她实在是太浪漫了。
多亏她没看见我在外面踩的那一大滩狗shi。
According to a new study, 99% of women say they don't like men who wear
leather trousers.
That actually works out rather well, since 100% of men who wear leather
trousers don't like women.
根据一项新的研究表明：
99%的女性不喜欢男人穿皮裤
其实反之亦然
因为100%穿皮裤的男人不喜欢女人。 |
m********5
发帖数: 17667 | 17 9 out of 10 men prefer large boobs.
The other man prefers the 9 men.
10个男人中有9个爱大咪咪。
其他那个爱那9个男人。
A young boy comes home from school one day and says, "Mummy, mummy! What's a
lesbian?"
She replied, "Ask your father when she gets home!"
一个小孩放学回来就问
“妈妈，妈妈！什么是拉拉？”
妈妈回答说
等你爸回来你自己问她。
There are 3 things in life that are certain -
Death,
Taxes,
and that if you load up Windows Media Player and the volume control is
set right down to 2 or 5 out of 100, it means that the last person on there
was watching porn.
在人的一生中有三件事是肯定的：
死亡，
税收，
以及如果你打开暴风影音发现音量被打在20%或50%时。。。上一个使用的家伙一定
是在看A片。 |
m********5
发帖数: 17667 | 18 In today's lesson, my history teacher asked us to imagine a newspaper
headline from Japan, thirty years on from the disaster.
Judging by the look on her face, 'Woman raped by man with two cocks',
wasn't what she was looking for.
今天的历史课上老师要我们想象一下灾后30年的日本报纸头条，从她的面部表情判
断，“一个妇女被一个有两根JJ的男人强奸了”不是她想要的答案
A young polish girl said to me "do you want a 69 with me?" I replied
"I'd rather have a 1939" she asked what that was...... So I proceeded to
invade her
一个波兰姑娘问我愿不愿意和她玩69，我说我倒想玩玩1939，她问那是什
么，然后我就侵犯了她（1939年德国闪击波兰） |
m********5
发帖数: 17667 | 19 I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and
forks so I wondered mothers from China use? Toothpicks?
考虑到母亲们怎么用小小号的勺子和叉子给她们的宝宝喂饭，然后我就纳了闷了，
中国的娘咋办啊，用俩牙签喂？
I asked my wife: 'Why do you always watch those cooking shows? You cant even
cook!'
She replied: 'Well you watch porn, don't you?'
bitch
我问我老婆，你老看厨艺节目干嘛，你根本不会做饭！
她说，那你还看A片呢，有木有？
贱人啊
Been sitting at work watching the horrible videos from Japan on my laptop.
Why do they always pixelate the private parts?.
上班的时候，我一直坐在电脑前，看着来自日本那些可怕的影像。
真是太可怕了，竟然有码！！！！！
One thing is certain about the Japanese earthquake:
We're not going to be short of fucking photographs.
就算日本地震了，我也坚信我们不会缺毛片看！ |
m********5
发帖数: 17667 | 20 Women eh! Boob jobs, nose jobs, teeth bleaching, tummy tucks, liposuction,
colonic irrigation, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellys and clits, eyebrows
plucked, bikini wax, armpits shaved, lips tattooed, legs waxed, diets,
exercise but they won’t take it up the arse cause it ’hurts’.
女人啊女人！
隆胸、垫鼻子、洁牙、缩腹、吸脂、灌肠、打肉毒、穿耳洞、打乳环、肚脐眼和小
妹妹上也不放过、拔眉毛、除体毛、刮腋毛、纹唇线、热蜡除毛、节食、运动。
然后我说cha一下pp吧，人家说疼！！ |
z**c
发帖数: 7595 | 21 K！这些笑话是够恶心的 ：）
其实好笑话就两种： 一种是用两性来说政治，另一种是用政治来说两性。 |
