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发帖数: 2026 | 1 文件来源：http://www.sfgate.com/health/article/Historian-Iris-Chang-won-many-battles-The-war-2679354.php
Ultimately, three notes were found, all dated Monday, Nov. 8, 2004. The
first was short, titled "Statement of Iris Chang." It read: "I promise to
get up and get out of the house every morning. I will stop by to visit my
parents then go for a long walk. I will follow the doctor's orders for
medications. I promise not to hurt myself. I promise not to visit Web sites
that talk about suicide."
Then she wrote a suicide note -- addressed to her parents, Brett and her
brother -- followed by a lengthy revision. The first draft said: "When you
believe you have a future, you think in terms of generations and years. When
you do not, you live not just by the day -- but by the minute. It is far
better that you remember me as I was -- in my heyday as a best-selling
author -- than the wild-eyed wreck who returned from Louisville . . . . Each
breath is becoming difficult for me to take -- the anxiety can be compared
to drowning in an open sea. I know that my actions will transfer some of
this pain to others, indeed those who love me the most. Please forgive me.
Forgive me because I cannot forgive myself."
In the final version, she added: "There are aspects of my experience in
Louisville that I will never understand. Deep down I suspect that you may
have more answers about this than I do. I can never shake my belief that I
was being recruited, and later persecuted, by forces more powerful than I
could have imagined. Whether it was the CIA or some other organization I
will never know. As long as I am alive, these forces will never stop
hounding me. . .
"Days before I left for Louisville I had a deep foreboding about my safety.
I sensed suddenly threats to my own life: an eerie feeling that I was being
followed in the streets, the white van parked outside my house, damaged mail
arriving at my P.O. Box. I believe my detention at Norton Hospital was the
government's attempt to discredit me.
"I had considered running away, but I will never be able to escape from
myself and my thoughts. I am doing this because I am too weak to withstand
the years of pain and agony ahead." |
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