s**********t
发帖数: 1846 | 1 刚开始看的时候你以为是什么意思？
看了几段又以为什么意思？
看完以后明白是什么意思吗？
Man Who Eats Breakfast At Dunkin' Donuts Every Morning And Enjoys The 'Saw'
Films Allowed To Vote
YOUNGSTOWN, OH—According to records obtained from the Mahoning County
registrar’s office, local man David Kearney, who eats breakfast at Dunkin’
Donuts every day and is a passionate fan of the Saw film franchise, is
actually allowed to vote in today’s general election.
Reports confirmed that Kearney, 34, enjoys sitting down in a Dunkin’ Donuts
location and eating a sausage, egg, and cheese croissant each morning
before work, has seen every Saw movie multiple times, and is freely able to
play an active role in the democratic process like every other registered
voter in the United States.
“I just can’t get going in the morning without a Dunkaccino,” said
Kearney, who possesses the right to visit a polling center and help decide,
quite literally, the political direction of the entire nation over the next
four years. “They’re so good. Goes great with a Boston Kreme.”
“And you gotta love the Munchkins, man—I usually get a half dozen of those
,” added the man who will help choose the next president of the United
States, which, reportedly, is the most important and powerful position in
the world. “I’ve got a Dunkin’ Donuts Perks card, too, so it’s pretty
cheap.”
Sources also said Kearney, whose ballot counts as much as any other Ohio
resident in determining which candidate receives the state’s crucial 18
electoral votes, owns all the Saw films on DVD and frequently watches them
at home on weekends. Due to his residence in the highly contested swing
state, the man who willingly and excitedly went to see Saw 3D on opening
night will, reports indicated, actually have a larger impact on determining
the outcome of the election than voters in virtually every other state in
the country.
“I think the original Saw is my favorite one—that one’s fucking awesome—
but Saw IV is a close second,” said Kearney, whose decision will ultimately
shape the country’s future when it comes to such areas as the economy,
unemployment, foreign policy, women’s rights, financial regulation, tax
reform, health care, immigration, and literally every other major issue. “
Gotta love the crazy tests that Jigsaw sets up for his victims. So cool. I
really love the gory parts. They make it look super real.”
Numerous sources reiterated, once again, that our Constitution has entrusted
a person who wears sweatpants in public and posts user reviews of porn
videos online with one of the most important and fateful decisions a human
being can make.
Furthermore, sources added, millions of people almost exactly like this
person are also given an equal say in our democracy.
At press time, Kearney was reportedly finishing a Vanilla Bean Coolatta
before walking into a voting booth to cast his ballot.
欢迎对号入座：
1、他不在这附近住，因为每天都在这吃donut看恐怖片，被允许在这投票。
2、盛赞美国政治体制，每天doing shit的屁民都能跟其他人一样公平选总统。
3、纯搞笑脑残文一篇，没有任何意思，记者蛋疼。 |
|
