m****a
发帖数: 9485 | 1 ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM NOAH'S ARK
1. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
2. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do
something REALLY big.
3. Don't listen to critics -- do what has to be done.
4. Build on high ground.
5. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
6. Two heads are better than one.
7. Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board, but so were
the snails.
8. If you can't fight or flee -- float!
9. Take care of your | m****a
发帖数: 9485 | 2 THREE WISE WOMEN!
You do know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead
of men, don't you? They would have asked for directions, arrived on time,
helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought
disposable diapers as gifts!
Contributed by Arix1
A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite
knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by
asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin | m****a
发帖数: 9485 | 3 OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast. But did you know:
$665.95 - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$766.25 - Price of the Best with extended 6 year 66,000 mile warranty.
$656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast.
00666 - Zip code of the Beast.
1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! $6.66/minute. Over
18 please.
Route 666 - Highway of the Beast
666 F - Oven t | m****a
发帖数: 9485 | 4 Adam was talking to God one day. He asked God, "Why did you make Eve so
beautiful?" God replied, "so you would marry her and bring other children to
the world." Then Adam asked, " So why did you give her soft silky skin?"
Again God anwered, "so you would marry her." Then Adam asked," I understand
now why you made her so beautiful, and soft, but why did you make her so
stupid?"
God chuckled a little bit and simply replied, "So she would marry you."
Contributed by Becca | E*****1
发帖数: 1069 | 5 嗯, 你这个提醒我了, 那个上帝程序, 我觉得还是不要从屠城杀婴开始了, 太暴力了.
咱们整点美好浪漫的东西, 从耶和华跟马力亚夫妇的三角恋爱开始, 大家觉得如何?
instead
【在 m****a 的大作中提到】
: THREE WISE WOMEN!
: You do know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead
: of men, don't you? They would have asked for directions, arrived on time,
: helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought
: disposable diapers as gifts!
: Contributed by Arix1
: A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite
: knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by
: asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin
| m****a
发帖数: 9485 | 6 An ecclesiastical leader really loved golf. He was also very busy with all
of his church responsibilities. It seemed that every time he set aside a
little time to play golf, another problem would come up and he would have to
go help. Finally, it looked like he had a whole afternoon off.
Unfortunately, it was on the Sabbath, but the leader rationalized that since
he had spent so much time on church things on other days of the week, it
would be all right to use part of the Sabbath to do a non-Sabb | m****a
发帖数: 9485 | 7 A Mormon guy in line to get lunch leans over to the guy next to him and says
, "Wanna hear a Mormon joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should
know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am an anti-Mormon. The guy
sitting next to me is 6'2 tall, weighs 225, and he's an anti-Mormon. The
fella next to him is 6'5 tall, weighs 250, and he's an anti-Mormon. Now,
you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it 3 t | m****a
发帖数: 9485 | 8 A primary teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six
year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy
mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family of seven)
answered, "Thou shall not kill."
Contributed by APPSPARMED
Life Begins
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Mormon bishop were
discussing when life begins.
"Life beg | m****a
发帖数: 9485 | 9 It is rumored that the following rendition of the Book of Genesis was
included in the portion of the plates taken into heaven by the Lord. If
authentic, it would shed light on the question, "Where do pets come from?"
And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday.
Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me
to remember how much you love me."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be
with you forever and | P***8
发帖数: 116 | 10 "For safety's sake, travel in pairs."
笑不出来... | m****a
发帖数: 9485 | 11
Jesus told his disciples to preach the gospel “in pairs”,
I have done some preaching work on the streets before, it is a nice
thoughtful arrangement, two people can really help and watch out for each
other, in case of some emergency situation.
But I think the joke was to refer the “pair animal” , also refer to the
missionaries travel in pairs.
What do you think?
【在 P***8 的大作中提到】
: "For safety's sake, travel in pairs."
: 笑不出来...
| P***8
发帖数: 116 | 12 I do see some videos on Youtube where people let in LDS missionaries to
their house and mock them with malicious intent.And they hid a secret camera
to record all that and post it online. Which disgusts me.
PLEASE, no matter which God one believes in, let us treat each other with
respect, if not friendliness.
I think this joke refers to the REAL danger that is imposed upon the LDS
missionaries, especially in the old times where persecution of Mormonism was
very real.
Besides, Those missionaries |
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